To Love and Avenge

Chapter 24

Watching him immediately fly out of my room, I couldn’t stop chuckling.

Self, you really are a fast learner. He can’t just bully me around and have fun with me. I thought to myself.

I walked to my bed and lay there… The comfort of my bed was nothing compared with that of my mother’s when she was with me. I always felt empty after her death.

She always knows what her child will need, and so does her dad, but she’s different. And for a long time, I still longed for her presence.

I closed my eyes with my arms both extended to either side to try to remember that day. It has become my source of strength when I feel so down and lost. It has always been since…

On a very deserted island, at the breaking of dawn, when there was nothing you could see except the ash-gray surroundings, there was a woman who was running with her daughter. They ran for their lives, chased by some armed men.

Defenseless, and with all the helplessness, all they could do was just run. Holding her mother’s hand tightly, the child seemed to be very afraid of losing her grip. Yet puzzled and scared, she tried to keep her mother’s pace. They stumbled countless times but they still stood up and ran again as fast as they could.

Escaping at the moment was their way to save their lives. They manage to outrun them, but sadly, the bullets are furthermore faster than they are, gunshots followed by the other.

Until one hits the woman, that makes her fall and be unable to run again. The child held her mother’s hand still, tightening her grip more. Gasping for air, she tried so hard to help her mother stand. The pain in the mother’s eyes towards her child is so visible, watching her child struggle to pull her up, so determined… despite being pushed away to run for herself. But the child kept on pulling her instead, not hearing her mother’s constant refusal. While doing so, the mother has also been trying to detangle her daughter’s child from her arms. She needs her child to escape and be safe.

With tear-filled eyes, she keeps on shaking her head.

“Mooooooom!!!!!!!! No please don't!” She screams in between cries. Pleading her heart out.

“Run Ale, the fastest that you can.” She said in a low, croaky voice with urgency.

The child cried hard while she held her mother's face, kneeling just right in front of her.

“Oh, baby— please listen. You have to run, I can't do it anymore.” She pleaded in between sobs "save yourself.”

“Mom, I can't just leave you. I don't understand why this has to happen… but no matter what, I’m not leaving you.” kissing her child's forehead she responded and looked directly into her child’s confused and hurt eyes.

“One day you will understand, for now, you have to follow my orders!” her voice was stiff, urging her to do as she said. But as much as an ordinary child would do if terrified, she, on the other hand, stubbornly fought her fears inside, just that she couldn't leave her mother in this state. Be it in exchange for her life. Leaving was never an option for her.

“You can't escape from us, Esther, and that little daughter of yours,” called the man out and laughed maniacally.

“You have to pay for what you've done to us,” he continued to shout...

“Should I? Why won't you ask yourself?” she courageously responded, not fearing for her life.

“Hahaha. Tough as ever huh, let's see how tough you are and that f****ng cub of yours." Upon seeing his blurred figure slowly approaching their direction, making the child tremble even more in fear.

“Don't you ever dare lay a finger on her or I will make you regret it for the rest of your life?”

“Ohhh? I'm shaking... Hahaha, of course, I won't lay a finger, but maybe my men will do the honor for me,” he continued. She then instructed her to run, but her legs didn't cooperate.

“I can't mom.!” shaking her head furiously.

“Listen, I can't do this with you, I promised to run after you but I have to lure them first, you understand?'' she nodded, but suddenly one of those men approached and held the child captive. Grasping as he held a handful of her hair, she tried to break free from his grip, kicking and punching him with all her might while the mom crawled, trying so hard to help her daughter escape.

“Let go of her!” she commanded. She knew that even if she pleaded for her daughter’s life with these scumbags, nothing would still happen. What the mother did was unexpected. She pulled herself forcefully to try to fight but unexpectedly, before she could do so, a crisp sound of gunshots was heard that sent shivers down her spine. Astounded, she already knew what that sound meant. She instantly turned back her head to look at the woman behind who fought with her, slowly falling back onto the ground. This sight made her world stop turning. The gunman shot the woman right in the chest and the shot was followed by another shot.

"momma!"

Blood sprang from her and the child forcefully pushed the captor.

She ran back and immediately held her mother in her lap while tears kept on falling, blurring her eyes.

She saw him laughing crazily, now, aiming his gun right through her head, slowly pulling the trigger as if torturing her, she held her mother to her chest and closed her bloodshot eyes, ready to accept what might come next.

“You kill my mom, make sure you kill me, too, this instant, because if not, I will surely be your greatest nightmare.” she manages to say in an angry tone. Sure, she is in great pain upon seeing her mother, but she held herself courageous.

“Sure dear, I won't let you suffer anymore, now, look Esther, look at your child very well!” the culprit said, directing at the woman lying, struggling for her life as it slowly left her.

“No!”

Then, there came another sound of a gun. Waiting for the bullet to hit, she closed her eyes vividly. But, a lifeless body fell on top of her. This made her immediately open her eyes in astonishment. Scared and shaking as hell.

Happy that she's still alive and the assailant is now dead.

But abruptly changed with fear as she looked back to her mom, who was seriously wounded battling for her life.

Policemen and military men later came rushing in their direction. Behind them, was her dad running while crying his heart out.

“Dad-, mom…” were the only words she could utter. The woman forcefully opened her eyes and held her hand so tight while she reached to caress her husband's face.

“Sweetheart, please hang on, you’ll be fine.” he cried, assuring her.

“P-p-please take care of the children, I- cant d-d-do it.” She asked softly as she smiled faintly. Tears were rolling over her pale face.

“Oh no, no no..." Shaking his head so hard "You’ll be able to do it, you will be fine again’’

"I can’t now... P-p-please protect Ale, by all means, I l-love you…’’ in a very low and almost whisper she managed to say before her arms fell. And right in my very eyes, my mom has died...

"Mom!!!!! Please speak to me.. No!!!’’

Shouting in great pain. I trembled, and later drifted off into an endless abyss of darkness…

I opened my eyes only to realize that I was crying in silence.

I turned to my side, and pulled my knees to my chest, still crying until my eyes couldn’t tear more. Until my heart goes numb with pain. But until when?

I don't know what kind of life awaits me after my marriage. Yes, I am afraid. Afraid of everything this world has to offer me.

Dad, Daven and Allen thought that I had coped with that incident. What they didn’t know was that it still kept on hunting me.

The memories from my past…

I wonder if they have moved on, but I'm afraid to ask as I don't want them to feel the way I do.

Mine was way more hilarious, and I don't want to drag them with me, let alone suffer as I do. Will I ever learn to move on?

I stood up, wanted to cool down a bit. I walked to my bathroom, turned on the shower, and, without any hesitation, I stepped in with my clothes on. I sit there hoping that the water will wash away my pain. Curling myself into a fetal position, I let tears flow freely in the water.

Yes, I'm tough, at least that was what I let the world see me. But deep inside, I was still the child I was before, always afraid and always alone. Yelling inside me was a motherless child.

How will the world ever teach me how to love when all my life I only learn the pain. Will I learn?

I'm afraid to admit that I almost forgot what true happiness means to me.

If I can still recognize myself. Is this still me?

Is this what I wanted to become?

I don't know, I don't want to lose this very memory. tidbits from my childhood memories before that incident were clouded with pain.