The Billionaire in Disguise

The Trouble with Wanting

დ Elara დ

I kissed him. I kissed him. And then I ran. Like a f*****g i***t. Every time I replayed the moment in my head, my stomach twisted tighter. The truck, the fairy lights, the blankets, the popcorn, and the soda, it had felt like something. Not everything. Not a promise. But something. Until I ruined it. I barely slept that night. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his face, the way his eyes had widened in surprise, the way he had reached out, and how I had just vanished. I had run like a coward because it terrified me how badly I wanted him to kiss me back. The next morning, I skipped breakfast. And lunch. I worked through both just to avoid the kitchen. The next seven mornings, I did the same. I didn’t even look at him. Which, honestly, was harder than it should have been. Cole didn’t push. He didn’t call me out. He just stayed close, but never too close. It was like he was waiting for me to come to him. And I didn’t. Because I didn’t trust myself not to do something reckless again. And because Rowan was watching me. Always watching. Which, as it turned out, came to a head one afternoon in the middle of the sorting shed.

“You are avoiding him,” Rowan said, and I nearly dropped the crate in my hands.

“What?”

“Don’t lie. It’s obvious,” I turned and set the crate down a little too hard.

“You don’t know what you are talking about,” I accused him. The last thing I wanted to do was have this conversation with him. Rowan crossed his arms.

“Don’t I?” he asked, but I brushed past him and grabbed the clipboard from the hook by the wall. I flipped through the inventory notes like it mattered more than my pulse slamming in my neck. He followed. Of course he did. “What happened?” he asked.

“Nothing,”

“Elara—”

“Seriously, Rowan?” I cut him off as I whipped around to face him.

“Yes, seriously…because if he did something…”

“He didn’t. I kissed him,” I admitted softly. My face was hot with embarrassment. “And then when he didn’t kiss me back, I panicked. I ran. So yes, I am avoiding him. Congratulations, you caught me,” Rowan looked surprised, but that jaw of his was clenched tight.

“You kissed him?”

“I just said that, didn’t I?”

“You kissed a guy who can’t even remember his own last name,”

“Maybe he doesn’t need to,” I argued, and Rowan stepped closer.

“Surely you cant be serious right now?”

“I don’t know, Rowan, am I allowed to be happy for five seconds without your approval?” I snapped angrily, and his expression darkened.

“This isn’t about my approval,”

“No? Then what is it? Why are you so invested in who I do or don’t kiss?” I asked him even though I knew I was just taking out my frustration on him. Rowan stared at me, and of course, I saw it. That thing in his eyes I always pretended not to see. I took a step back. “You don’t get to tell me who is safe,” I added slowly.

“You don’t know anything about him,” Rowan once again pointed out.

“I know enough,” I continued to argue.

“Do you?” he shot back. I didn’t answer. Because the truth was, I didn’t. I didn’t know where he came from. I didn’t know his past or his scars or even his real name. There was a lot I didn’t know. But I knew him. He is kind. Considerate. Sweet and extremely thoughtful. It was the way he smiled when he thought I wasn’t looking or the way he offered to help without being asked. Or even the way he listened when no one else did. That was real. That was enough. Wasn’t it? Rowan shook his head, and I could see the disappointment in his eyes. “You are not thinking straight,”

“So what? Maybe I don’t want to. Maybe I’m tired of being logical all the damn time,” I said.

“Whatever, Elara,” he said. Rowan stared at me for a long moment before he turned and walked out. I stood there gripping the clipboard like it could anchor me to something solid. The only thing it anchored me to was doubt. By the time I made it to the east field, the sun had already started to drop. Long shadows spilled over the rows of vines. The bins were half full, and workers laughed somewhere behind the barn. I just needed a moment. I ducked into the old tasting room patio and sat on the edge of the bench. My hands rested in my lap while I took that moment, just to breathe. But then I heard footsteps, and I didn’t even need to look to know who it was.

“I’m not in the mood, Rowan,”

“It’s not Rowan,” Cole said, and I froze. He stepped around the post and into the warm, flickering glow of the setting sun. His shirt was stained with grape juice, and sweat clung to his collarbone. His hair was a mess, and his eyes were locked on mine. He didn’t say anything. Not at first. Then he walked toward me. Slow. Measured. My heart tried to crawl up my throat. “I wanted to say something sooner,” he said, and then he stopped right in front of me. “But I figured you would punch me,” I stood up.

“Cole, I—” I started to say, but then he kissed me. No hesitation. No questions. Just his lips on mine. His hands framed my jaw. It was all breath and warmth and silence and the sharp burn of finally. My hands found his shirt, and I bunched into the fabric as I held on tight. Like if I didn’t hold on, I would fall. And for a moment, that was it. No doubts. No past. Just us. But then he pulled back. Too soon. Way too soon. His forehead rested against mine, breath shaking.

“I can’t,” he whispered. My heart dropped.

“What?” I whispered, and he stepped back.

“Not like this. Not yet,” he said, and I stared at him in confusion.

“Then why—”

“Because I had to know,” he cut me off, and he looked at me like I was the sun and he was terrified of burning. “I like you, Elara. A lot,”

“Then—”

“I just need time,” he cut me off again. “I need to figure out some things…” and then he turned and walked away. I watched him, and this time I was the one left standing alone. I was more confused than ever. But I was also more certain that things between us were special. It was real. Our feelings for one another were real. And that was all that mattered. I understood he needed time, but it was nice to know that he felt the same way. That it wasn’t one-sided.

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