AVA
Silence surrounds us while Christian leaves to get Emma for me. She cannot be left in the dark because when it comes to me, she is right smack in the middle of my fight. My fight for survival. My fight to gain back the need to feel hopeful, happy, free of all my burdens that I have carried for years. The pain from my past haunts me every damn day. The pain resides in my waking days and in my f!cking dreams.
It never leaves.
Alex begins to run his fingers along my arm and I escape the trance that I was in, goosebumps rising on my skin.
"Where'd you disappear to?" He says softly as Ryder comes to sit on the other side of me, now being sandwiched between two of the three hot throbs of the school. Wondering how I ever came to be their need to protect is beyond me. There are so many other girls here that they can have yet I am the one that are focused on. I chuck the need for an answer to the back of my mind, for now.
"Every pained memory making its way back to me. I've tried to bury it deep down but now that he is back, I feel like I am bound to wound up drowning again." I push myself off from the bed and watch as their faces fall.
"We would never let that happen. You believe us right?" Ryder looks to me with hope in his eyes but I can't return it.
"Honestly? I don't know what to believe because I have grown up alone in every aspect. My whole being is closed off. I want to let you guys in, but I don't know how. Maybe telling my story will help to allow me to begin to know how to trust, to at least break down one barrier to myself." I sigh and begin to pace around, chewing on my fingernail until the door opens and Christian comes in with Emma in tow.
"Ava! What's wrong? Mr. Jackhole here scared the sh!t out of me and pulled me from my room without any explanation." She looks from me to him and scowls. I giggle softly and pull her into a hug.
"I'm sorry for how he presented himself. I didn't mean for him to startle you." I narrow my eyes at him and all he does is throw me a wink. I sigh and release her from my hold.
"I needed you here because for what I am about to say, I can only tell it once. I..." Emma grips my hand and just stares at me, reassuring me that she is here and I can say what I need to. She takes a seat at Alex's desk as Christian sits on the other side of the bed, leaning back against the headboard. Alex and Ryder just stare at me with a bit of encouragement in their gaze. I brace myself, take a breath, and begin my story.
"You may think I am a Sinclair, but that is so far from the truth. I may have the last name, but I am not of Sinclair blood. My mother and aunt are the last of the Sinclair bloodline. They both had reproductive issues so they both decided to adopt. My mother adopted me, while my aunt adopted her. She is the worthy child, not me, because soon after, that is when my life as the daughter of a Sinclair became a living nightmare with nothing but painful memories, hurt and lots of scars." They all watch as I tell my truth which I vowed to never do but here we are.
"My mother fell in love with a man named Victor. She loved him just as much as he loved her and we were all set to be one big happy family. However, that dream came crashing down when he decided to leave her for the woman he had knocked up." Ryders body stiffens and it is then I realize that he must have been the first born to Victor.
"He was forced to marry that woman leaving my mother heartbroken and completely shattered. Grief, despair, rage and anger morphed her whole being. Her mind had become warped and she was broken beyond repair. She took me and ran off, giving up the life of being a Sinclair. She moved us into a dingy studio apartment, shoving me into the one walk in closet, deeming it the perfect place for me to sleep so she didn't have to look at me. I became the reason she lost everything. I was the threat to her life. There wasn't a day where I wasn't the sole person to blame for her infertility. I was smacked around for just breathing the same air she did, whipped with belts if I didn't do as she said, charged at for no reason during the dead of night, being pulled by my hair out of bed and smacked around." A lone tear falls down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away.
"My aunt finally found us, begging for my mother to come to her senses, saying that I should be taken care of and not be treated like a waste of space. She offered my mother a monthly stipend because it was her birth right and all, being a Sinclair, hoping she would use it to turn our lives around. My aunt saw what I was going through. While my cousin shined brighter than the sun, I was as pale as a ghost, skinny, fragile, covered in bruises. While my cousins body, hair, face all formed into perfection, I was nothing to look at. At that point, I should have been a ghost and I so desperately wished to be one. I would cry myself to sleep nightly, just praying for one good nights rest. I don't know how many times I prayed for someone to just come and help me and free me from my torment." Another tear falls down my cheek. They all just continue to watch me and listen, never breaking eye contact.
"The money mom got went to her drinking and drugs and fun time with random people day in and day out. All different men came in and out of the apartment, all feasting their eyes on her and then on me. I was so damn scared. Food was always scarce and I would have to sneak into her wallet while she was passed out to just buy myself a loaf of bread, or a package of ramen soup from the store around the corner. I was scared to steal too much." I don't even need to look at their faces to see how distraught they are for me. I close my eyes and breath.
"It wasn't until one day, when I was ten, that my mom began seeing this one person on a constant. He looked oddly familiar and I came to find out that it was Victor, the same man she had fallen in love with, the same one who had tore her apart. I was hopeful that now he was back in her life, things would change. He would come every day, supplying her with everything she needed, and also saw to it that I had new clothes, food, and some toys. He seemed to constantly worry about my well being and called me his little angel." I look to Ryder who's face is filled with anger from the word angel.
"He would force me into my closet space when he needed to "talk" with my mom. Shouting and yelling at one another then became pounding against the wall. As long as I had food, and no more men coming in and out, I thought I was going to be ok. Soon after, he stopped coming around and once again, I was back to being neglected. I always wondered what happened to him and honestly missed everything he had to offer. Little did I know that the nice man who made sure I had everything I needed as a child, was in fact the devil." I move to the sink and pour myself some water and drink, not once looking at any of them. If I do, I'll shut down. I need to finish my story.
"The years dragged on when I had to learn to fend for myself. I started taking kick boxing classes for free at the local center, to help release all the rage that was inside of me. By that point, my mother didn't give two sh!ts about where I was. I even got myself a job once I had my working papers and hid my money only for my mother to find it and spend it, demanding that if I worked, I'd contribute to her needs. I was at such a loss that I fell into the wrong group in high school and started taking anything to take my mind away from the constant pain I was in. I wanted to feel something, anything, other than the need to off myself right then and there. School was my only chance for escape from the sh!thole I was living in. The drugs helped me stay gone till I had just about enough. I looked at myself in the mirror one morning after waking up in one of the guy's beds that I hung out with and saw that I was becoming her and I didn't want that. I felt cheap, dirty, used. I refrained from taking anything else and just decided to remain empty." I sigh. The guys are now tense and anger shines brightly in their eyes. Emma is busy tearing and I am about to be right with her.
"One day, when I came home from school, I opened the door to see that Victor had finally come back. I was just hitting sixteen years old. The moment his eyes locked on mine, I was no longer seen as the little ten year old starving, but a teenager coming into adulthood. I was someone his eyes showed that he wanted to claim and devour. Of course my mom saw how he looked at me and became crazy. She would pounce, and get her hits in which I managed to block because of the classes I was taking. However, she would become a dirty fighter, throwing things at me when my back was turned. I was now a target for her and for him. I tried so hard to find ways to sneak out of the house but he would know and stop me, dragging me back into my crawlspace, holding me tight against him saying that his angel would never be able to escape. I feared what he would do to me. I didn't want him to think he had any chance at me ever being with him. He might have been f!cking my mom, but I knew he was there for me. After f!cking my mom into a coma nightly, he would come into my space and just sit at the end of my bed to make sure I went nowhere. I was so scared that he would turn into this crazy person because he did have this sinister side to him when his whole face would contort into that of a monster. I've seen him go into fits of rage and I didn't ever want to be on the receiving end of it. I had enough a***e from my mom." I begin to shake and Alex makes his way over to me, pulling me on to his lap. His hands begin rubbing my arms and I force myself to continue.
"The day I turned seventeen was the final straw of my torment. That night he managed to sneak into my space, but I was ready this time. I knew that day he saw me in a different light. He was planning something, and so was I. I felt his fingers roam up my legs, his hand sprawled across my thigh. He climbed on top of me and I felt his damn erection being positioned. He thought I was asleep so he kept mumbling how that I would now be his angel forever and that nothing or nobody would ever take me from him. I was gripping a small thing of pepper spray in my hand and once he tried to make a move to pull my pajamas off, I sprayed him in the face making him leap off of me. He was holding his eyes and I managed to flee. That day I managed to hide a duffel bag of everything I needed to make my escape, hid my boots, grabbed my bag, and ran for my life. I didn't stop. I didn't look back. I just kept running and running until I hit the bus station and hopped a bus and went straight to my aunt's house because I did happen to find her hoping that she would help me. She f!cking owed me that much for making me stay with a crazy person. She saw just how much damage had been done to my body, my mind that day she found us yet she did nothing!" I ball my hands into fists and my breathing becomes erratic.
"Breath baby. Come back to us. You're safe." Alex holds me tighter and I fall into his chest.
"She saw how I looked Alex. She saw what my mother was doing to me. She could have taken me away. She could have helped to give me a better life. A life with no beatings. No endless nights of crying. No thoughts of ending my miserable existence because who the f!ck would even miss me? My mother would have probably danced on my grave." The tears come down and I sniffle looking up at everyone else. Emma is full on sobbing while Christian and Ryder seem to be grasping how to handle this information.
"When I had arrived at her doorstep, she welcomed me in, but it was all just fake hospitality. She didn't give two sh!ts about me. She figured she'd enroll me here, give me cash to survive and be done with me. She couldn't put her legacy in jeopardy for a girl who was the daughter of a junkie, drunk, and wh!re. She had her golden child to worry about and me being anywhere near her would taint her perfection." I try to rise up but Alex won't loosen the grip he has on me.
"Knowing Victor found me is scaring the sh!t out of me. He thinks he has this claim on me. How does a person go from adoring a young child to wanting to make her theirs when they hit adulthood? It's sickening." I close my eyes needing the thoughts to go away.
"He won't ever get you." Alex says, still holding me as if I can evaporate if he let's go. Christian and Ryder both rise and run their fingers through their hair.
"He has no idea we know you and over our dead bodies will he ever know." Ryder says through gritted teeth. I can see he is trying to contain his rage.
"He wants us to gather all information about you." Christian says with sad eyes.
"When he asks, I doctored up information where it looks like you were here for a short time and left." Alex responds and I widen my eyes at him.
"How the hell did you manage to do that?" I ask with such curiosity.
"I'm good at what I do baby. Oh, and your records were erased from the school database. If your aunt ever cares to check up on you, she'll come to learn that you left." He adds.
"Yeah, like that will ever happen. If it doesn't regard dear Bella, then it won't garner her attention." I watch as Ryder and Christian talk amongst themselves and as Emma comes to me. Alex finally releases his hold on me wanting to be privy to his brothers discussion. He kisses my cheek and heads to them while Emma just eyes me carefully.
"You do realize that you are the epitome of strength right?" I give a slight smile but she just eyes me with determination for me to see just how much of a warrior I am.
"You survived hell Ava. You survived everything that had been thrown at you while I would have succumbed to the thought of letting go. Hear my words and hear them loud and clear. You will survive this because nobody and I mean nobody will take you from me. From us. Not sure what these three and you have going on, but their determination to keep you safe can be seen." I look at them huddled by Alex's bed and wonder myself what the hell they are actually yapping about. I bring Emma in for a hug and whisper in her ear.
"Between you and me, if sh!t goes sideways and they can't protect me, I will have to leave. I don't want anybody getting hurt because of me. Not you, not them, not anyone. Victor is unpredictable and I won't be able to live with myself if anything happened to any of you." She squeezed me harder and we pull away only for her to whisper back in my ear.
"Then you and I will devise a backup plan. If you need to run, I will help you. You're not alone anymore Ava."
"What are you girls whispering about?" Christian slides up to us and we school our faces.
"Can ask the same for the three of you." I cross my arms against my chest and raise an eyebrow. Emma manages to let out a small giggle.
"Plans for our father that we need to set in motion before he jumps the g*n and decides to pay us a visit. We are sending him information about your whereabouts, of which we know, and it will hopefully send him on a wild goose chase out of the state for the time being." Ryder says coming up behind him. Alex is busy typing up a storm on his phone and I watch as his fingers fly.
"Sent." Alex says and I hold my breath for a rapid response from the devil hoping to god he buys the information. A ding is heard and I begin to panic. Ryder pulls me to him, wrapping his hands around my waist as Emma holds my hand. Alex reads the response aloud for all of us.
Knew I could count on you three to come through. I'll be out of town from here on out. I'll be in touch.
"Thank f!ck." Christian says as Ryders hold on me tightens. We are in the clear for now, but I still need to enact a plan B. This is my war to fight and in war, there are casualties and these four won't become one. I have no idea what this pull is between me and the three beings that have upended my life, but, I do know that I do not want them harmed in any way.
If I need to run to keep them safe, then that is exactly what I will do.