Dallas.

heartbreak x2

Dallas

As soon as I step inside, our eyes meet. He is standing there drinking a beer, his brother standing next to him. Why does his brother remind me so much of Tyler? They look so much alike. Beau looks older, bigger, stronger. He always did sports and was fit, but he there is just more of him now. He puts his beer down on their table and begins to walk over to me. I don't know why that bothers me. It is like just seeing him irks me. I hate him and him acting like he didn't know about my daughter is starting to piss me off. He has me out here doing the most coming to speak to him when we could have had this conversation years ago when I went to tell him about the pregnancy. Is he ready to be a father now? Is that why he is playing these games now? He is older, she is older and he doesn't have to deal with a little baby now, is that what it is? "Hey, I'm glad you came. I honestly thought you weren't going to" he says. "I said I would," We walk back to the table where his brother greets me. "Do you want a beer?" he asks and I shake my head. "I don't drink alcohol," I tell him. He looks shocked. "But you are a famous rock star, how is that even possible?" he asks. I chuckle. People always wonder how I can stay clean and away from drugs and alcohol with my profession. "It is honestly very rare for me to drink. Maybe like once a year, for a birthday or a celebration, that's about it. Being famous or a rock star, a singer, what ever you want to call me, doesn't mean you have to get drunk or do drugs," I say. "Dallas, when Beau told me that little girl was yours, I couldn't believe it. We have seen her around town with your family, but at first we thought she was Cali and James' daughter. Then we found out she wasn't and we thought your dad was still having kids. We just thought she was being kept a secret. I don't know why I am so surprised though, when she wears those black boots, she looks just like you. My sister always says that little girl is a mini Dallas and she is," his brother tells me. I smile thinking about how much my girl likes dressing like me. "She rocks those boots." they both nod. "So my brother is her daddy. Wow. I am surprised she isn't Tylers," he says and I frown. "Why are you surprised? I have never been in a relationship with Tyler. I was in one with your brother though, so it's weird that it comes as a surprise to you. Plus," I look at Beau, "What is this about you not knowing? You are the one who sent me away when I came to tell you about her. What kind of game are you playing, Beau Benjamin Miller?" I say his whole name because f*ck him at this point. "I don't mean it in a bad way, Dallas, but my dad saw you and Tyler hooking up when we were in high school. umm, you know what, I am going to go to the restroom," his brother says and good I am glad he is leaving. This has nothing to do with him and I need to get to the bottom of this and the less people that hear this the better. We need to clear this in between both of us without anyone else getting involved this time.

"I swear I had no idea," he says and looks down. He is lying. How could he not know anything? "Really Beau, you can't even tell me the truth. It's been so long, I think I at least deserve some honesty. Look, let's just put everything on the table." I say. "Fine, I always felt like you put Tyler before me. I never thought you having a guy best friend was okay, and like my brother said, my dad told me he saw you and Tyler kissing and hugging, and he told me it was best if we broke up. You know I never cared what my parents thought about us, but your cheating was unacceptable," he says. The first and only time I have ever kissed Tyler was in his car a bit ago, but before that, nothing has ever happened, so why did his dad tell him that? "What the f*ck Beau, you couldn't come tell me that so I could clear my name? Your dad was obviously lying or he confused me with someone else. Up until recently, I had never kissed Tyler," I say. He chuckles awkwardly and scratches the back of his neck. "Yeah, that famous kiss. Everyone was talking about it out here. I think every guy in town is jealous of Tyler Browne," he says. I can feel myself blushing. I don't even want to think about that kiss. "I never cheated on you Beau. Whether you believe me or not. I was faithful and Tyler has always been just my friend, but I am not here to talk about him. I want to know why you didn't want anything to do with our daughter. Why did you send your mom to kick me out of your house without even hearing what I had to say?" I ask him. "I swear, if I had known, I would have been there. I know you won't believe me though," he says. I roll my eyes. He keeps repeating the same thing over and over. "I am serious Dallas, why don't you believe me?" he asks. Why don't I believe him? Why don't I believe him? Is he serious right now? "Beau, how could I believe you if I went to your house, and your mom told me you didn't want anything to do with me. Even when I told her I was pregnant and gave her the ultrasound picture, she walked back into the house, then came back and told me that you said to leave and find that b@stard child's real father and never contact you again. She yelled at me to get off her property. She called me every name in the book. Then you texted me to never contact you again. Did you forget all of that? That is why I can't believe you now. You rejected all of my calls and you never even bothered to reply to me or come look for me," I say. He is staring at me like this is all brand new information to him.

"Wait, are you telling me that this whole time, my mother knew about my daughter? I just thought she kicked you out because we had broken up and you never talked to her again. Is there more that I need to know?" he asks. "A couple of days after my mom died, I found out I was pregnant. I came to look for you, Beau. Right before I hopped on that tour bus and left, I came to your house. I needed you. I tried to tell you, but you didn't even care. Instead you sent your mom out to kick me off the property. I will never forget it. But you know what, it's all good. Sh!t happens, that basically sums it up. You haven't been there for her and you know what, she knows Tyler as her father and I am not sure I want that to change," I tell him. The anger I feel towards him and his mother actually scares me. I shouldn't hate anyone this way. I just hope he doesn't want to fight me for her. I know if he wants to take me to court and get a paternity test, he can, but I hope he won't. He sighs and just stares at me. "I was not in a good place when I broke up with you. I regret everything I did and I am not looking to change anything about her current situation. I am also going to confront my mother, because she didn't tell me you were looking for me and I didn't send her to tell you anything, but Dallas, you have to know that my family is not one I would want my child to be a part of anyways," he says. "You aren't the only one," I add. He laughs and nods. "It's hard for me to stand here in front of you. I am ashamed, realizing that my mother had a lot to do with me not being in my daughter's life. I would have been if I knew, but now. Things are different now and they are better this way. I can't be in her life," he says, and my stomach drops. What!!! "I can't be in her life as her father, Dallas. It won't be fair. Maybe I can be in her life as an uncle or a family friend," he says, and I can not believe what he is telling me. My eyes water. I was not expecting this. I know I want her to continue to call Tyler dad and that wouldn't change, but some people have two dads or two moms and she would learn to accept her new normal, but I guess I was hoping he would be pissed at his family and say screw everything and want to go to her right now, but nope. This is disappointing. "I hope you don't hate me, Dallas. I have always loved you and I thank you for raising my daughter and I guess I should thank Tyler too, but there is so much going on and I can't drag you and our daughter into it. It won't be fair. Now after knowing that my mother did this, it solidifies my choice not to be there as her father and protector. I mean, can I really protect her from my family? Maybe from a distance," he says, and I frown. "What does that mean?" I ask him. He drinks a sip of beer. "Dallas, my parents are monsters, they have both done so much evil and I am ashamed of being their son. I can't put Austyn through the life I lived. I know it doesn't make sense right now, but just know that I am doing this for Austyn and for you. I am protecting you both. I know you don't believe me, but I do love you, I always have. Breaking up with you was the worst thing I ever had to do. I regret it, but at the same time, I don't. Seeing how much you have accomplished makes me so happy. You wouldn't have gone and lived your life if we were still together. I would have held you back. I remember how jealous I would get when you would talk about the gigs you would sneak off to. I have grown a lot. Trust me when I tell you I am your biggest fan, especially now that I know that you have been raising my daughter. I am so proud of you," he says. I don't say anything. I can't even make sense of all of this.

"I am not sure if I will have another face to face sit down, so you need to know everything, Dallas. A lot is going on in my life. I am going to marry Marissa soon. Our families are pushing this. Dad has gone into business with her father and there is so much money and other things involved. Things I am uncovering. I am being sacrificed in a way, but throughout the years, I have gotten to know Marissa better and she is alright. She is not you, but she isn't a bad person either." he says, and I figured that. I am actually surprised they aren't married yet. His mom always told me they were messing around, that he would choose her because she was up to his level, not like me who was a gutter rat trying to climb up the latter, but I won't even ask him about it or bring it up now. Instead I focus on Austyn. "So, you really don't want to meet her and get to know her as her father? Your parents' choices have nothing to do with her, Beau. You claim to not have known and this is your time to make it up. To step up and be there for her. To build and have a relationship with your daughter," I tell him. He looks down and shakes his head. "I can't do it. Sorry if you think I am being weak by making this decision. Please forgive me, Dallas, but I hope you will one day understand this choice and I hope you let me see her maybe for birthdays or holidays," he says. "I just don't understand Beau. She is amazing. If you got to know her, you would see it too," I tell him. "I am sure she is the most amazing kid on the planet. Sh!t, look at her amazing mom, how could she not be, but I can't go into detail right now, just know that sh!t is going to hit the fan soon and I would hate for you and our daughter to get dragged into it. You seem to be giving her a great life and I am so thankful to you for it. You are my one true love. The one who got away. I am sorry I can't fix this right now. I just can't be a father to her at the moment. Not because I don't want to, but my family is filled with evil people and I don't want anyone to hurt her. I have a lot to do. You understand, right?" he asks me. I shake my head as tears flow down my face. He knows about her now and still doesn't want her. I mean, yes, I know who his mother is, but still. I would go against anyone for my kid. Why cant he? Is he really allowing his family to rule his life? He is okay with not being a part of his daughter's life because of them. I sigh. I would do anything for that little girl and if that means agreeing to him being in her life in any way possible, then fine. "Please don't cry Dallas," he says. Would I get arrested if I punch him in the face? I sniff and wipe my face with my sleeve.

"Her birthday is coming up. I have the same number so if you still have it, just text me and I will send you the address to her party," I say. "Let me text you so you can save my number right now. Maybe you can send me pictures of her from the time she was a baby until now," he says. I just nod. "It isn't letting me text you," he says. "Give me your number," I tell him. I send a text and it doesn't allow me to. "I'm blocked," I tell him. He looks at me with wide eyes. "What? How? I never blocked you," he tells me. I sigh. I am so tired of the lies. I don't have any more time for this. "I don't know what to tell you Beau, but I have to go. When you are ready to grow up, then text me. I don't have time for this," I say, not wanting anything else to do with this conversation or with him. I am pissed off that my best friend lied to me and that my ex/baby daddy left me feeling so confused. I have no idea if he is lying or not, but it hurts that he doesn't want anything to do with Austyn. A girl not being wanted by her father can do damage.

I run out of the bar and slam my hand into the concrete wall. Big f*cking mistake. I f*cked it up even more now than what it already was from the burns. It hurts so bad, but not worse than knowing that for a second time, the father of your child doesn't want her. Even if he supposedly didn't know about her the first time. It is like a wound that re-opened, and a heart break for a second time. He doesn't want to recognize her in front of the world. My heart hurts and maybe now is not a good time to go home. I don't want my family to know what just happened, but I know that seeing them, I will break down and Austyn worries when she sees people cry, and I won't let her see me being upset. I hold my hurt hand and make my way to the cemetery. It is scary at this time of night, but my mom and brother are here and I need guidance right now. I need to know what to do.

As I sit here, my hand is throbbing and the pain becomes too much. I know I have to go to the hospital to get some pain medication. What if they have to chop my hand off because of my dumb decisions? This is all Beau's fault. Another dumb decision. Why o why did I ever date him? Oh yeah because Adeline decided to play match maker and I didn't want to be the only single !d!0t. Why did I need a boyfriend so young? Who knows, but I don't want Austyn dating until she's 18. I sit here in the dark, sobbing, I should get up, go to the hospital and then go home, but I can't. I feel comfort being here with them. Even if they aren't physically here, being here makes me feel better. All I can think about is what a sh!t day I have had and how I want to crawl in bed and sleep this pain away.

I reluctantly say goodbye to my loved ones. Leaving here hurts every single time. Maybe this is why it is so hard to come here in the first place. This is the one place I can always cry, then feel better afterwards. I feel calmer and even happier. Austyn will miss out on having her real father, but she now has one who no-one can top. Someone who loves and wants her and he isn't even her real father. How lucky is she for that? I have to thank Ty for how awesome he is with her. He goes above and beyond for her. I guess she will have the most amazing dad and a cool family friend if Beau actually does his part and wants to be there, because I don't think an uncle is a good idea. I make my way to the hospital, waving at people with my good hand as I go. Yes, I am walking there. No, I am not scared.

I arrive and check in. As I sit here, I think about the whole night. I don't know who takes the cake for being the sh!ttiest person, Beau or Adeline. Maybe those two should have gotten together and ruined each others lives. How easy for Adeline to interfere and stop Tyler and I from ever even talking about our feelings, until now, and she just finds love and gets pregnant, married and is all happy and perfectly living life like she didn't insert herself where she wasn't wanted. Or did he want her? I grab my head. No, no, no, and then there's Beau, who can decide to get married and act like we never happened. He doesn't want Austyn, or he does, but from a distance. No, how can we interfere in his perfect life? His perfect parents would never allow that. A kid from me, ha. My mind is a mess, my hand is in so much pain and there is only one place I want to be right now. I think if all the truths are being spoken, then maybe it is about time that Tyler and I also had a real conversation too. "Dallas Reynolds", the nurse calls my name and I make my way to the back.