Accepting Submission

Chapter 1

Chapter 1

This was a bad idea. I knew it the moment I made the turn onto pack lands. Almost instantly, two wolves appeared out of the woods and ran beside my car. I kept going, even as my heart threatened to beat right out of my chest.

It might be a bad idea, but it was my last, desperate hope. I didn’t have any other choice. Shunned by my clan, my family, kicked out of the only home I’d ever known, I was adrift. I had nowhere else to turn, and I was taking a huge chance by coming to Carver Pack lands. A bear didn’t belong among wolves.

Even if I could no longer shift.

The wolves kept pace alongside my car, and one let out a howl that split the otherwise silent night. I flinched, but my resolve did not waver. Trey Carver, alpha and leader of the pack, was only a few miles down the road. He wouldn’t be happy to see me. Not after the way my father treated him two years ago. But I was counting on the way Trey had treated me. Despite my father’s attitude, condescension, and rudeness, the alpha wolf had treated me with kindness.

And there had been something else there. Something I refused to put a name to. Worked hard to ignore in the years since. Tamped it down and pushed it from my mind so often that I all but truly forgot. Because I couldn’t allow myself to think about it. To dwell on it. I had to pretend it had never happened.

After all this time, I was very good at pretending.

The alpha house was large. Even if I hadn’t remembered where it was, I would have known it was Trey’s house simply by the size of it. Three stories tall and at least one wing extended off the left-hand side. It made sense. The wolves were a communal species. They needed each other. They needed pack. Bears weren’t made the same way. Our clan was a loose-knit community, with my father as the leader. The wolf pack thrived on a closeness I envied.

I wasn’t so naive as to think I’d be accepted into the pack, but just being near so many people who actually cared about and for one another…just being around that would be a balm to my wounded soul. At least I hoped so.

I parked in the driveway—really, it was so wide it was practically a parking lot—and slowly opened my door. One of the wolves came close, sniffing and huffing. I stood stock-still, not wanting him to interpret any move I made as a potential threat. Whatever test I was being subjected to, I must have passed, because a moment later, the wolf at my hip sat back on his haunches and let out a howl that made me jump. A few seconds after that, the front door of the house opened.

It wasn’t the alpha. The shifter who stepped into the night was tall and barrel-chested, with silver hair and a broad, welcoming grin. He leaned against the railing of the porch, crossing his arms, and the power in his shoulders alone gave me pause.

“We weren’t expecting company,” he called.

“I apologize for the intrusion.” My voice shook and I sucked in a breath and let it out slowly to calm my nerves. “I’ve come to speak with the alpha of the Carver Pack.”

The wolf nodded, never taking his gaze off me. When he tilted his head, the light from the moon momentarily changed his light eyes to gold. “What’s your name?”

“Asher. Asher Grant.”

Another nod, a moment’s more scrutiny, and then he went back into the house. For a second, I wasn’t sure if I should follow, but he hadn’t explicitly invited me, so I stayed put. Since the wolf still stood guard beside me, I figured I’d made the right choice.

I counted my breaths, trying to keep calm. Fifteen inhalations later, the front door banged open once again and my knees nearly buckled.

Trey Carver. Tall, broad-shouldered, and utterly breathtaking. The power rolled off him, and it was enough to bring me to my knees. I fought it. I was an alpha, and I wasn’t supposed to kneel for anyone.

But I wanted to. Gods, how I wanted to.

“What the fuck are you doing here?” Trey’s tone was little more than a bark. I’d known he wouldn’t be happy to see me, and I wasn’t surprised by the hostility. I opened my mouth, needing to say something, anything, that would convince him to give me refuge. But my vocal cords wouldn’t work, and I stood there, paralyzed and unable to speak.

Trey jumped off the porch in one fluid, graceful move, landing hard and bending his knees slightly to absorb the impact. I gulped, my throat clicking with the motion. He was everything I wanted and, good gods, the power he exuded made my body weak.

“I asked you a question.” His voice was low, just this side of menacing, and I should not find it hot. But I did. Hell, who was I kidding? Everything about Trey turned me on, and had from the moment I’d met him. It was one of the reasons I’d taken a chance and come here when everything went sideways.

“Asher,” he growled, and I gave in. I dropped to my knees, not as gracefully as I would have liked, but gods, it felt so much better to be on my knees for him. This was where I belonged. Trey’s gaze tracked my movement, and I knew I didn’t imagine the wolf in his eyes when he looked down at me. I dropped my gaze. Not because I didn’t want to stare into his golden wolf eyes—because I sure as shit did—but because his very existence demanded my deference.

Silence stretched between us, thick on the night air. And then, he placed his hand on my head. Like a benediction, and I broke.

“I need help,” I blurted. I was ashamed for admitting it, but at the same time, there was a part of me that felt overwhelming relief. The emotions warred in my gut but I didn’t let them show on my face. I’d asked, or rather told, but I couldn’t back down from my statement now that I’d said it. Alphas never backed down.

Trey blew out a breath. His voice was soft as he asked, “And you came here?”

“Yes.” I bit my tongue to keep the “sir” from escaping. It had almost rolled out of my mouth and I couldn’t let it. I might be on my knees, and I was here because I needed help, but that didn’t mean I had to show my weakness. I’d spent a long time hiding it, pretending it didn’t exist. I could keep doing it.

Trey studied me for a long time. Part of me wanted to explain, wanted to tell him everything. To make him understand just what a dire situation this was and that the desperateness of the situation was the only reason I was here. But I remained silent, letting him look even as the weight of his gaze became oppressive.

Finally, he moved. Just a step to the left, but he took his hand off my head. As discretely as possible, I sucked in a much-needed breath. And then the air was stolen from my lungs as I watched Trey out of the corner of my eye. He knelt before his wolf, the one who had sniffed me and howled, and he placed a gentle hand on the wolf’s head.

“Good job, Jake,” Trey said softly, then called, just as quietly, to his other wolf. “Alyssa.”

When the second wolf trotted around my car, he treated her with the same care and tenderness, giving her praise as well. Then with a gesture of his hand, he sent them off. Alyssa gave a quiet bark, Jake more of a joyful yip, and they loped down the drive. I assumed to resume patrol.

“Come inside, Asher. We’ll talk about what’s going on.” He turned and strode toward the house. I scrambled to my feet and hastened to follow. I had no choice. Not only because that’s what he demanded of me, but because my body already insisted I do whatever he asked of me.

Trey led me into the kitchen, where the man who’d answered the door was busy making coffee. He gave us both a wide grin.

“Here you go, Alpha.” He handed Trey a cup as he passed.

“Thanks, Duncan.” Trey shot me a look. “Do you want one?”

“Uh, no. No, thank you.”

“Water or anything else?” Duncan asked. He had a smooth voice that exuded kindness, and having him there eased the nerves twisting my gut. I offered him a shaky smile, but shook my head. With the way I felt right now, even water would have come back up. It was better not to risk it. No way was I puking in front of another alpha.

“Have a seat.” Trey gestured to a chair on the other side of the large table, and I sat gingerly, my ass barely making contact with the edge. Trey wrapped both hands around his mug where it rested on the table, and leaned forward. “Tell me what’s going on.”

He said it gently, but there was no mistaking the command in it. This was a man who was used to being obeyed. Of course he was. And even though I’d been subjected to that my whole life, I grew increasingly uncomfortable. I was weak, an abomination. What the fuck was I doing here? It had been a mistake. In that moment, I knew it down to my bones. My knee started bouncing, and I had the insane urge to run. Leave this house and Carver pack lands.

“I shouldn’t have come.” My voice came out as barely a whisper, and I fidgeted before I half rose. “I’ll go and you never—”

“Asher.” Trey’s voice came out sharp, but not unkind, and my gaze snapped to his. I had no idea what his expression meant and I shook my head and tried to turn even from my partially standing position. But then his hand touched mine. Big and warm and comforting, and a sob caught in my throat.

I sat hard and curled in on myself, but not moving my hand because I didn’t want to lose his touch. It was stupid. I’d met him only once before, and that wasn’t for very long. And here I was in his kitchen, on the verge of tears. What the hell was wrong with me?

“We’ll figure that out, Asher. If you just tell me what’s happening.”

It took me a second to realize I’d spoken aloud and Trey was trying to comfort me. I let my head fall back, and breathed hard and fast through my nose. It was a trick I’d learned at a young age to get the tears in my eyes to recede.

“I can’t shift,” I whispered, my voice breaking on the last word. To admit it to another person made me feel like the world’s biggest loser.

My pronouncement was met with utter silence. Even the house itself seemed to still after I’d spoken. It was so much worse than I’d ever anticipated. Everything in me was still screaming to run, but I knew now I couldn’t.

If I did, I’d never survive.

Slowly, I lowered my chin until I could see Trey’s face. There was shock there, which was to be expected. And worse, pity. I’d never wanted to see that look on his face. It broke something inside me, and even though my logical brain was demanding I shut up, I babbled instead.

“I’ve lost touch with my bear. I can’t feel him anymore. It’s like he disappeared. I don’t know—” My voice cracked again, and I had to take a deep breath. “I don’t know why or what…I don’t…”

“Shhhh,” Trey soothed, and only when he touched my shoulder did I realize that I’d closed my eyes at some point. A tear leaked out and ran down my cheek, but I couldn’t even muster the strength to wipe it away. Trey did it for me, then took hold of my chin to lift my gaze to his. When we made eye contact, he gave me a soft smile. “Did your clan healer examine you?

I nodded, misery flooding through my veins. Of course he had. It had been the first thing my father ordered when I couldn’t shift at the last full moon. Shifters didn’t need the full moon in order to change, but the moon ruled us all, and it was far easier when she was full than at any other time. If I couldn’t even manage to shift then, it was obvious I was truly broken.

“And what did they say?”

He was speaking to me as though I was a wounded animal. I snorted a mirthless laugh at the thought. I supposed I was exactly that.

“He said—” I choked on the words I was about to say, and dug deep to find that alpha strength I pretended to have just to get them out. “He said there was nothing wrong with me. That I was just a weak and useless shifter. That I wasn’t an alpha.”

Trey made a noise that sounded suspiciously like a growl. I flinched, and regretted it instantly. Here I was again, showing my weakness. Trey took a step back and held up his hands, as though trying to show me he meant no harm.

He never took his eyes off me, but tilted his head to speak over his shoulder. “Duncan, call Verity and have her come. We need to make sure that Asher isn’t suffering from unknown sickness. He needs to be checked out by a competent healer.”

He stressed the word, and something in me relaxed slightly. I couldn’t exactly say why, except that it seemed like Trey didn’t believe my clan healer was right. And that gave me the tiniest shred of hope.

“Of course, Alpha,” Duncan said in that warm voice, and moments later, he was murmuring into his phone.

“I know you’re scared.” Trey’s words brought my attention back to him. “I would be, too, if I lost my wolf. We’ll figure it out. You did the right thing, coming here.”

I still wasn’t sure about that. But I hadn’t had a choice. Not a good one. And at least Trey wasn’t looking at me with pity and condescension. That would change, I expected. But until it did, I savored this moment.