Raising Tasha

Apologies

Claire

The trip to Jerry's was filled with awkward silence, I was to embarrassed to say anything and he had probably gotten too disgusted by my neighbors to say anything to me. Thank goodness Tasha had gone back to sleep.

"I am sorry about what that woman said." I figured out I had to apologize to him, it was my fault for dragging him down. He probably has never had to deal with such baggage.

"What are you sorry for?" he asks back with a facial expression that clearly showed he did not understand what I was going on about

"Ummm, sorry about what my neighbor said about you. I had no idea how she came up with that but I did not think she would be bold enough to say all that to you face." I timidly explain, guilt was eating me up. I was sure a man like Jerry was used to being treated with respect yet little insignificant me had caused him to be ridiculed in public.

"Please don't fire me, I really need this job" I quickly add in. Well, I did need the job besides my neighbor had already made me look a fool before him. Apart from this job I had nothing else to loose.

The was no reason holding on to pride, I would beg if I had to. All this was for my little girl.

"No need to say sorry Claire, it is not your fault."

"But it is, I quickly interject. She talked to you like that because you associated with me" how could he not see that? It was my fault, me. I had done this.

"If I had not insisted on driving you back then none this would have happened. Can't you see? I made you neighbors hate you. I swear it was not intentional." oooh, so he was also feeling guilty.

"If I had not gone to the hospital you would not have had to drive me home." I say

"If I had not hit you with my car you would not have had to go to the hospital." he counters

"If I had not been walking..." this time, he cuts me off.

"No more apologies, this blame will go on forever if we continue like this. We are both at fault so let us just call it truce." Jerry declares.

"I'm sor..." I start before looking down at my laps in embarrassment. He had just said no more apologies and right after. How slow!

"Also I promised you job, I am not going to fire you because of statements made by some ignorant woman" I release a breath I had not even realized I was holding in. Tasha was counting on me to provide food and shelter. I had to have a job

"Ok but the way you splashed water on her was really quite cool" I say with a girlish giggle. 'Where the f*ck did that come from!? Where to go Claire, sounding all flirty.' I ridiculed myself internally, why had I made that sound huh?

"I know right! I hope some got into her mouth to dilute all that s**t she like spewing!" He adds with a laugh of his own, thank goodness I had not made things awkward again. I did not want to send the wrong message or give him the wrong impression of me.

"Mama, handsome Jerry is so cool!" exclaims Tasha from the back, she had probably been woken up by our conversation.

"I am, aren't I?" he asks her, for a reason I did not understand Jerry and Tasha got along really well

I know for Tasha it was the fact that he she got to have a conversation with  someone else who was not me, my baby had always been singled out by other kids. Treated like an out cast, the one or two friends she may have made all had to be left behind when it got too hard to make enough money for rent. So she definitely found a new friend in Jerry.

Jerry on the other hand I could not understand why she entertained a five year old. It did not make sense to me but I would not stop them from having their fun.

At this point a mother should have been worried about their little girl but Jerry made me comfortable, he made both of us feel comfortable. Some people would say it was probably a bad idea to get too comfortable with your boss but I could not stop myself.

Jerry was the only non judgmental human interaction that we had that was not just the two of us. 

I realized I should have been paying attention to the route because I still had a job and I was not expect my boss to pick me up for work every time. That was very unethical but then I realized I had no idea where we currently were.

Our beat down neighborhood was no where in sight. I promised myself to pay more attention on the way back.

"Claire, sorry if this will sound rude but what is your level of education?" asks Jerry full of curiosity.

"I have a degree in Business Administration from K University." I answer proudly, aside from Tasha my education was my biggest pride. Even though it was not currently helping me I was sure it would.

"You are a graduate?!" 

Shock!

His eyes had gotten really wide.

"What? Expected  me to be a drop out?" I ask defensively. His reaction was too exaggerated.

"No I did not say that." he quickly wipes the look off his face realizing he may have offended me. "I mean, what are you doing accepting a job to be my cook when have university qualifications and could have a better job?" he asks.

"I have been hunting for a job for three years now and I have not been very successful but I have someone depending on me so I had no choice but to accept any available positions to make due. Tasha has to eat too you know. I can not afford to be picky right now." I declare.

"No bosses want to hire single mothers." I add dejected

He gives me a ones over before looking back at the road, driving forward.

I guess that marks the end of that conversation.

"...."