Kafli 16.
1609 Words
I lower the volume on the phone but I know mom is not listening so I just turn away from her so she can hear me less.
“Will you calm the f**k down? My family already hates you enough so can you at least calm the f**k down and not harass them”
I just hear growling and I hear him breath into the phone.
“Max calm down” I say in a soothing voice.
“Why did you say bye?” he just says in a low angry voice, I think he is speaking out of his teeth.
“After you gave me the hooker money? Hmm I wonder… did you really think I would just take it well if you transferred money to my account? Saying you are paying me for my stay with you”
He did not interrupt me while I said what I needed to say and I am thankful but I am not sure what that means. Am I right?
“Are you really that stupid not to know that you mean more to me than that? I just wanted to give you money for a bloody phone”
That took me by surprise, I am not sure what to say to that…
“It will be weird to sleep alone tonight” I say because that is the only thing that came to my mind.
I hear him sigh, I know he is calm now but I see mom is finishing up with dinner and I have to say goodbye.
“I have to go… Mom finished making dinner and I have to go.. I will get a new phone tomorrow and I will call you”
“I will be waiting for your call don't make it too late”
“I won't bye”
“Bye Ana”
I hang up the phone and then go eat dinner with mom. Me and mom did not talk during dinner nor did we talk while watching the tv later. My mind is always with Max, wondering what he is doing and who he is doing it with… We are not a couple or anything so he can do whatever he wants but it makes me worry.
The next day me and mom went to buy me a new phone, it took me some time to find the one I wanted because I hate shopping. I love buying gifts for other people but buying something for myself is just stressful and I hate it. I just see mom staring at her phone because she knows this, she is just lucky we are not shopping for shoes, that is a nightmare. I finally choose one after going back and forth ten times but then I tell the person helping me and she smiles going back. She gets my phone and sets it up, since I don't have my old one I can't sync up my contacts but I think I will only miss my pics. She hands me the phone, me and mom walk to the car but as soon as I open up my f*******: the messages stream in. They are from yesterday and they are from Max, they are not nice or proper but I just smile from thinking about him growling at his phone.
“Since you got your phone we are now on our way to meet Dr. Spinel”
I look up from my phone and look at my mom who is looking very carefully at me, she is waiting for me to freak out or do something but I just nod my head. I sometimes feel like mom wants me to just go back to the mental hospital, she wants to have something to tell her friends and make them feel sorry for her. The car ride to his office is silent and I am a little worried, should I ask him about Stockholm syndrome or should I just leave it? I mean I trust him with my life but I just worry he will say something I don't want to hear.
I sit on his couch and sigh, I look around his office, there is nothing changed, the cream colored walls, the books and then his desk. I see on his desk is breakfast and I hope I am not bothering him.
“So Ana, what happened?”
I run my hand through my hair but then I just lay back on the couch and tell him the same story I told my family. I did not tell him anything violent and dangerous. He nods his head in between and rubs his chin.
“So how do you feel being home?” he asks when I am done.
“Lonely” I answer honestly.
“Do you miss being there?”
“Yes, I do, I felt better there”
“No pain and no episodes?” he asks not believing me.
“I didn't really have time to have episodes with everything that happened” I say like a teenager.
He changes in his seat but then he looks at me.
“You had plenty of time, you were alone all day in a room and that would be a perfect time and place to hurt yourself or feel bad about yourself…”
“That might be true but my head was full with everything else doc”
He writes something down on his pad but then he looks at me again.
“Thinking back now here in a safe place, how do you feel about Max?”
I have been waiting for this question and trying to find the perfect answer but I have nothing.
“I don't know”
That makes his eyebrows meet and he leans forward.
“You don't hate him? You don't feel repulsed towards the man that kidn*pped you? You don't know?”
I just look at him and I start to rub my hands together, he is making me nervous.
“No I don't know.. How should I feel? I felt good with him, I felt different there and I like it better but I know what he did was the wrong way and s**t but I just can't hate him because just his touch made me feel better” I blurb out.
He does not look shocked or disappointed by my answer, he just sits in his chair and writes on his pad. I am sweating because even though I trust this man and he has helped me in the past he always made me feel a little nervous like I was saying something wrong.
“Are you doing to tell my mom I am insane? She already threatened to send me back to the hospital” I say sad.
“No I actually was thinking you had some mental break down but I have to say Ana that I have not seen you this grounded for a long time, maybe not ever”
I gasp.
“You are thinking more clearly, you see things as they are and you are not making this a bigger deal than it is and I am proud of you” he says very seriously.
I smile a huge smile because hearing this from him made something blossom inside me.
“So the hour is over so would you send your mother in here so I can talk to her but I think you should not go on your meds again until you feel like you need them. We don't want to take them if you don't feel like you need them”
We both stand up, I take his hand and I am seconds away from just jumping in his arms and hugging him close to my body. I walk outside and my mom jumps up from her chair and runs past me into his office. I sit down and look at my phone, there are like twenty new messages from Max and I smile until I read them. They were so controlling, they were so harsh and they were so mean that I am just getting angry reading them. Why the f**k does he have to be so controlling and just mean? He is not my boyfriend and I am not someone that has to tell him everything but as I was about to write down everything I am thinking to him he calls. I stare at my phone and just wonder if I should even answer.
“WHAT?” I snap.
“DON'T YOU SNAP AT ME”
I feel a tingle run through my body hearing his voice and I feel somehow happy.
“DON'T YOU TELL ME WHAT TO DO!” I snap again.
I hear something break on the other side of the line and I know he threw something but I don't care, he does not talk to me like that.
“Max you have to calm the f**k down! You are two hours ahead of me and I just bought the phone!”
“Don't you dare lie to me! I know you bought the phone more than two hours ago!” he growls.
“How the f**k did you know that?” I am seconds away from hanging up.
“Not important where are you? What are you doing?” he growls.
Does he have any other tone than growl or yelling?
“No it is important! Are you having me followed or something?” I say looking around.
“If I was having you followed would I not know where you are instead of having to ask a second time?”
I relax again and look at my shoes.
“I am at my therapist's office” I say because I can not lie to him.
Silence. He does not answer or anything, I just wait because I am still mad but I want to know how he answers.
“And what did he say?” he then asks more calm.
“That is between me and him, Max. You have to respect my privacy and this is my mental health and I don't trust you to tell you”
“Ana, you can be so cold hearted sometimes” he says now completely calm.
“Max…” I say in a low voice.
“I TOLD YOU! YOU CAN NOT TALK TO HIM! ANA WHAT ARE YOU DOING?”
I look up to see my mom's face red with anger, she takes my phone away from my ear hanging up the phone.
- Writer
