5. Heart to Heart
1964 Words
At night sleep doesn’t come easy to me, but when it does, it’s plagued with nightmares.
Which scares me because… I haven’t had nightmares for years. I don’t know what it is—maybe it’s just being back here with my family and remembering what happened the last time I was truly here. I can still see Rora in the hospital crib, feeble and barely breathing. I can see Mom staring blankly out through the window sitting on Grammy’s chair. I can see Dad struggling to pretend everything is alright. I see Jude almost on the verge of tears asking me what he did wrong and why I wish to break up. I can see it all falling apart for the thousandth time.
I find myself wanting to keep the light switch on once again. I debate against it. You’re grown up now, Evie. You can’t be afraid of the dark, I try to convince myself, but it doesn’t work. When the dark begins to conjure up odd shapes, I decide it’s enough and switch on the bedside lamp.
I wonder what Dave’s doing. He tried to call me again at the table during dinner, and then later when I was talking to Mom while washing the dishes. I didn’t answer his calls. I didn’t want to talk to him then, hoping the feeling would subside but it still persists. He doesn’t understand. It’s unfair. He can’t just show up.
But I still type in a text and send it.
Me: Hey, sorry I couldn’t answer. Hope you’re doing okay. Goodnight xx
The phone makes a pop sound when the message is delivered, and I wait for a long minute. But there’s no reply. Jude’s face slips into my mind without warning, and I’m inclined to trace a finger over my lips as my eyes close.
He kissed me. He said he was waiting for me to come back.
Come back and do what? Get together again?
The thought makes me wince. There’s no going back. I’m with Dave now. And he has Trina or Thea, or whoever. But then why would he—
“No,” I blurt out loud to myself, putting a stop to my train of thoughts. “No more thoughts of Jude.”
But it’s his name I’m chanting in my sleepy state before I feel comfortable enough in the bright light to fully fall asleep.
Jude. Jude. Jude.
***
When I get downstairs in the morning, the first thing I do is find Mom and wrap my arms around her tightly. She’s in the middle of making pancakes and doesn’t hold back her complaints. “I’m coated with flour!” she protests.
“Oh, come on,” I say, pressing a kiss to her cheek. “Good morning, Mom.”
She pauses, and looks at me, her gaze lingering long enough that tears glisten in her eyes. “Oh, it’s so good to have you back home, Evie. I’m not letting you go again.”
“I don’t want to go,” I say easily with a shrug, walking out to the living room. “Carl is still sleeping?”
“He went for a jog,” Mom tells me, making me frown.
“Jog? Wow,” I exclaim.
“Yeah,” she confirms. “With Jude.”
My brow rises as I take a bite into an apple. “Since when did the two become best friends?”
Mom jumps straight to a conclusion, asking, “Are you jealous, Evie?”
I walk back into the kitchen to make sure she sees the glare on my face. “Really, Mom? No.”
She laughs. “Jude has been really nice. Since he’s returned he’s become a part of the family. It’s been three months now.”
I cross my arms, my mind flashing the image of him in my room last night. “Why didn’t you tell me about it?”
“About Jude being here?” she prompts. A frown forms on her face before she looks away. “The last time I called you was when he had been here for two weeks, I guess. You ended the call too soon. And then it was on your birthday.”
Guilt floods my chest. It’s true. I haven’t called her enough. “I’m sorry, Mom. I’m here now. And we’re booking an appointment.”
“A spa?” she asks excitedly, her lips stretching into a grin.
I scoff. “A doctor’s appointment. To make sure you’re okay.”
“I am,” she says adamantly, swaying her hands above her head as if that’s a solid proof of her health.
I shake my head. “I’ll be right back.”
I head out to the porch, the morning air cold against my face. It’s quiet except for the faint hum of Jude’s voice as he speaks to Carl on the other side of the yard. They’re laughing about something, but my focus zeroes in on Jude effortlessly leaning against the porch railing, bearing the same easy confidence he carried yesterday.
“Morning,” he says, catching sight of me. His eyes linger, a faint smirk curling his lips, and I swear he’s reading every unspoken thought flitting through my head.
I force a casual smile. “Morning. Didn’t think you’d be an early riser.”
Jude shrugs, his gaze not wavering. “You know me. Always full of surprises.”
Carl gives a quick wave before heading into the house, leaving us alone. I can’t help but feel like this was orchestrated somehow, like Jude was waiting for this moment. He straightens, taking a step closer, the light catching the sharp angles of his face.
I expect the conversation to end here. After all last night he was avoiding me as if I were an uninteresting piece of furniture. Why did he choose to strike a conversation this morning then?
“Did you sleep well?” he asks, cutting the silence, and the question feels oddly personal.
“Not really,” I admit, looking away. “I don’t think I’m used to being back yet.”
He nods. “Sometimes the past has a way of creeping in when you least expect it.”
I glance at him, wondering if he means more than he’s letting on. “Yeah, maybe.”
Our attention is then drawn by a cat that walks over to him and begins circling his legs, brushing its head against his calf. Jude picks up the cat in a swing and then without a warning, he shrugs the hoodie off completely, baring his chest. The sight of him is enough to make my breath hitch, but I force myself to stay rooted where I stand.
I shift on my feet, trying to act casual as he closes the distance between us. My gaze flickers to the white cat cradled against his chest, its tail curled neatly around its body. The cat looks completely at ease against the warmth his body seems to offer, as if it belongs there.
“So, what have you been working on?” Jude asks casually.
It takes me a second to register what he said because I’m too focused on the way his muscles flex when he adjusts the cat. I clear my throat, forcing myself to meet his eyes. “I’m... I’m a software developer,” I manage to say, trying not to squeak like a mouse.
“Software developer, huh?” His lips tug into that familiar smirk that always makes my stomach flip. “Impressive.”
I know what he’s doing. Standing here, bare-chested, carrying a cat like some kind of model in a magazine. He’s not just stopping me for a casual conversation. He’s showing me what I’m missing.
Part of me wants to run back into the house, slam the door, and get away from the pull he still has on me. But that’s not what my heart wants. “What’s his name?” I ask, nodding toward the cat, hoping to steer the conversation somewhere safer.
“Thea,” he says, his voice softening as he strokes the cat’s head.
Thea? Oh. Oh. So it was the cat Mom was talking about? Not a—
“Your brother Joel named him. Found him wandering near our place. He’s a stray.”
“She’s cute,” I say, focusing on the cat instead of him.
“He,” Jude corrects, his smirk growing. “And yeah, he is. Joel didn’t know that when he named him, and I didn’t either. What do you think his name should be?”
I shrug. “I think it’s fine. Then again, I’m not exactly great with names.”
“You’re great with a lot of things,” he says, his voice dropping just enough to make my stomach do a little flip.
Heat rushes to my face, and before I can respond, he changes the subject. “Got any suggestions? Come on, Evie. Give me one.”
Jude starts it off with a smirk, his eyes glinting mischievously. “How about Sir Fluffington?”
I snort before I can stop myself. “That’s terrible. He doesn’t look like a ‘Sir’ anything.”
Jude chuckles, shifting the cat in his arms. “Alright, what about Captain Snowball?”
I raise an eyebrow, crossing my arms. “Seriously? Are you naming him after a cartoon character?”
“Hey, it’s creative!” he defends, his grin widening. “Fine, your turn. Impress me.”
I tap my chin, pretending to think hard. “Okay... how about Marshmallow?”
He stares at me, mock horror on his face. “Marshmallow? Evie, come on. You’re better than that.”
I laugh, the sound bubbling up unexpectedly. “Oh, like Captain Snowball is any better?”
“Way better,” he says confidently, his smirk unwavering.
I shake my head, still smiling. “Alright, Mr. Creative Genius, what’s your next brilliant idea?”
“Hmm,” he says, squinting at the cat as if it’s the most important decision of his life. “How about… Zeus?”
I burst out laughing, covering my mouth with my hand. “Zeus? For this tiny, fluffy thing?”
Jude grins. “He’s small but mighty.”
Then suddenly my phone vibrates in my pocket, snapping me out of the moment. I pull it out, glancing at the screen. My chest tightens when I see the name: Dave Weston.
Jude’s eyes flick to my phone. He raises an eyebrow, the corners of his lips quirking up. “Boyfriend?”
I hesitate, then nod. “Yeah. He’s my boyfriend.”
His response is immediate, as if he’s been waiting for this. “Break up with him.”
“What?” I gasp, my ears ringing. What did he just say?
“Break up with him,” he repeats, calm and sure, like it’s the easiest thing in the world. “Don’t you want to give us another chance?”
The words hit me like a punch to the gut. My chest tightens, and I can barely breathe. “Jude…” I start, but I can’t finish.
He steps closer, his voice dropping to a low murmur that sends shivers down my spine. “You and me, Evie. No distractions. No pretending. Just us.”
I grip my phone tightly, the call from Dave still buzzing in the back of my mind. The words go straight to voicemail, but I can’t bring myself to put the phone down.
Jude tilts his head, his gaze pinning me in place. “Say the word, Evie. That’s all it takes.”
I don’t move. I can’t move. His words hang in the air between us, impossible to ignore.
- Writer
