Home with The Alpha

Healing For Trauma

Calling the only person she could, it was a second later she had booze, her bestie, ice cream, and even better? Advice.

“I had no idea I’d feel like that.” She grumbled in a sports bra and sweats, she had a face mask on and was slurping her wine through a straw like a sad child would a juice box as she pouted. Checking her phone until still no text appeared, Camille sulked even more, “I ruined everything.”

Maxine denied that immediately as she pointed her spoon at her, “I HIGHLY doubt that. But if you don’t mind my asking, what brought it on?”

Explaining in soft detail the situation, Camille was emotionally rutted as she confessed, “I thought I had buried all that s**t, and it just came on so suddenly again and then I was back there. I couldn’t breathe, I felt awful, and now I can’t stop feeling gross and broken.”

Maxine frowned as she immediately threw a blanket over that fire, “You’re not either of those things.” Camille didn’t respond as she instead hated how she’d handled things with Elijah. He hadn’t deserved to feel guilty or weird like he’d done something wrong.

“I finally meet a great guy who is nice and amazing, and I can’t even enjoy it.”

Maxine didn’t think that was the case as she tried not to overstep as she turned on the humidifier, “You can, but maybe before you can enjoy it fully you should talk to someone.” Lost, Camille asked, “Talk to someone?” Maxine nodded as she admitted, “My family was never big on therapy but when I got here it was one of the first things I sought out. I didn’t want to come into a new life lugging all this baggage from the past and letting it slow me down.”

Agreeing that made sense, she pondered on it that night, Camille had thought she’d be okay without therapy. Until Elijah texted her asking if she was okay and after needing wine to just sleep, Camille knew she didn’t want to lug her baggage around in her new life either.

So, she followed Maxine’s advice, found a doctor in their area, and booked an appointment.

Which is what led her to where she sat after work on Tuesday.

“Hi, you must be Camille. I’m Eva Sinclair.” Greeted after being sat to wait in a nice office, Camille was only there for five minutes when the woman came in. Nervous as she gave an awkward smile at the female therapist, the woman’s skin was butterscotch perfection and with long caramel braids she was comforting.

Not only did she look like her, but her eyes shined with kindness as she started off simply. Asking Camille light questions like age, s*x, and preference, she then asked, “And what made you want to see someone to discuss your mental state?”

Camille didn’t know where to start, but feeling comforted when Eva promised, “There’s no judging or any rush to say anything you don’t want to talk about yet. We can ease into it and just talk about day-to-day things. And then get to the heavy later.”

Feeling her warm brown eyes that seemed like the purest milk chocolate comforted her to say, “I was trapped in this dangerous situation for a time period before I came here.” Relaying some of the things done, Camille confessed, “I couldn’t escape at one point and he…he sexually assaulted me.”

Eva didn’t push, but she asked gently, “Were you r***d?” Shaking her head quickly wiping a tear before it fell, another fell anyway and Eva’s next question hurt, “Did you report it?” Camille’s breath shuddered out as she admitted, “I tried to get a restraining order when he wouldn’t stop breaking in and stealing. But when it wasn’t filed that’s when he broke in and assaulted me. I went back but I couldn’t stomach going through the process and questions again. The cop…he was an ass and it just sucked, it was clear he didn’t believe me.”

She hadn’t been able to stomach the idea of being looked through like she wasn’t there or important. Again.

“He got arrested after he assaulted me on drug charges, but he popped back up in my neighborhood before I left. I had just quit my job and I saw him hanging around trying to force his way back in. He was waiting for me to let my guard down and I just…I had to go. I ran because I didn’t have the support or energy to fight him. Not for a life I was miserable in and didn’t even want anymore.”

Eva could see Camille’s way of saving herself had been leaving the space where she was in danger. Some would say it was cowardly compared to getting revenge or facing her abuser head on. But some didn’t know the levels of abuse and how deep the fear or control could run.

“You got out and sought a better life for yourself, that is the strongest thing you could have done.” Eva promised, “You tried to fight, when fighting wasn’t the safest? You fled. Which may not have felt brave in the time, I can promise Camille, is the strongest thing you could have done. Some never find the courage after facing the same if not worse treatment.”

Camille was shocked when she said that. Because how many times had she heard the disrespectful smacks followed by, “Girl you stupid! I would have beat the brakes off his ass.” Or worse, “Don’t be so dramatic, if you let him come back then what you complain’ for?”

Having never let him come back but always trapped, Camille had been brave. She’d left, and she’d technically won.

But there were still the aftereffects of him that made his once malignant presence in her life bleed on the new white shirt she bought.

“When I escaped, I was desperate. I came here and found this peace and I was okay with the thought of being single and alone. Being content in just knowing I was safe and not constantly scrambling to stay afloat. Then I met this guy, and everything flipped on its head.” It wasn’t bad, the laughs, the happiness, and sense of belonging Elijah brought that made Heart Cove even sweeter. In fact, it was everything she felt she ever wanted in a partner.

“He’s a strong, confident, secure black man. He’s sexy, works hard, when he talks about his family it’s clear he adores them. If I had a perfect normal life and dating history everything with him would flow so easily.” But it couldn’t because she was a shattered little mess of issues.

“Meaning what?” Eva asked confused, “Are you scared to love him?” Sometimes. When they were alone, just getting a coffee or him coming to see her at Spellbound made her fall. As he brought her closer and closer with his warmth and patience. Camille of course worried if she was good enough for him.

“He’s such a good man. And I trust him, but I got nervous the other night when we were…” Turning hot in the face, Eva saw the innocent expression and shook her head. “Darling s*x is nothing to be embarrassed about, neither is being intimate. Especially when it’s with someone you care for.”

Eva saw Camille’s expression when she thought of Elijah, “You really like this man?” Nodding immediately, Camille was open, “He sees me and sometimes when I’m around him I feel more like myself, and it makes me…want him. A lot. But I tried to be with him, and I got scared remembering everything I want to forget.”

Understanding that, Eva cautioned, “Camille sometimes physical touch is just as strong as mental memory. Ones man’s actions can lead to another’s inability to do the same because it feels triggering.” The icy fear that her trauma would keep her from enjoying s*x, made her deflate.

Only Eva reassured her, “But you can find ways to ground yourself in moments with the partner you’re with. Going at your pace and making sure you’re in spaces you’re comfortable with and feel in control.”

Camille nodded slowly before asking, “Should I tell Elijah, I mean do I have to?” She was more embarrassed than scared to tell him at this point, but Eva told the young woman not to be. “YOU did nothing wrong and are healing from being targeted and hurt. If this man is worth half his salt, he’ll be there to help you navigate these new waters.”

Hoping the therapist was right, Camille left feeling like she had a weight off her shoulders. And with another appointment booked for next week, she had another positive and helpful perspective to shine on her life. Leaning into this, Camille thanked Eva who looked forward to seeing Camille again.

Camille saw hope when she waved bye before leaving. Getting a text as she got to her bike, Camille felt warm as she texted back.

Elijah had been relieved to get that text.

“f*****g hell if I did anything to upset her, I’m becoming a monk.” He growled to himself as he paced at home for an hour before he couldn’t take it. He had to be early. He had to see her.

“Elijah, can you lead afternoon-.” Telling Dorian to do it, Elijah kept walking as his beta threw his head back frustrated.

Knowing he’d have to apologize to his friend later, Elijah didn’t care in the moment. He rushed to his mate’s side to assure her patience and understanding when he found her at the park in the garden.