Why
1255 Words
February 20th 2015
Dear Diary
I don't know what I was thinking when I decided that joining a sorority was a dream come true.Because the reality is so far from all of the dreams and things I imagined. All I wanted was to experience what my mother did and feel a little closer to her as I did the same things she did. It's nothing like in the movies. Sure they seem nice enough but I don't know, it's not like what I imagined sisters are like. What would I know about being a sister though? I thought it would involve being close together, having each other's back and all that jazz. Guess I was wrong. These girls are gossip queens. Nobody is safe from their vicious tongues and if you do something to make them hate you, then you definitely had a target painted on your back. Where are all the sweet and sensitive girls? These ones would sooner throw you in the lake after one look at you. They have the power to elevate your status and they have the power to completely and utterly ruin you. It's a frightening and terryifying notion to know just how much power these girls hold in their tiny little hands. How vicious their wagging tongues could be. It's enough to make one shiver and their hair to rise up on the nape of their neck.
There's this guy Kenneth who keeps coming around and hanging out with me. At first I was a little shy and thinking he was just being polite to me, especailly as a new girl He's really nice and sweet even for a jock I guess. I've really got to stop sterotying people, it's not a nice thing to do. I heard he's dating Rihanna though but it's hard to tell with all the arguing they do. Maybe they're one of those off and on again couples? I don't want to make her angry with me but sometimes it's hard to ignore Kenneth when he talks to me, the only one at the moment genuinely interested in what I have to say and even asking me about my life. But the looks we get when we talk from everyone else makes me extremely uncomfortable and nervous. Am I doing something that goes against the sorority's code? They haven't exactly been forthcoming about any of their rules or expectations of conduct. In fact i don't even know if they have any which is a little strange because almost every other sorority has one. You break a rule, you're out. It's as simple as that. Maybe I should ask again if we have any. I could just be getting paranoid with all this tension in the air. They all seem to follow Rihanna as well, looking to her for guidance and advice. It's strange because it's like everyone is reliant on her and making sure to stay in her good books for some reason.
I passed the first challenge. I should have been happy. I guess part of me was hoping that was the end of the trials or hazing or whatever you want to call it. That one horrible thing and then acceptance. Does that sound naïve or am I just stupid? Or just too nice to be suspicous? I guess I always want to see the best in everyone rather than jumping to conclusions without any evidence seen by myself. Gossip and rumours after all are things that can either be true or the complete opposite depending on who started the rumour in the first place. Heaven knows I'm not a hundred percent innocent when it comes to gossip even though I really have tried to work on it. Sometimes it's a slip up and thank goodness it has never been harmful or vicious. I would hate to cause anyone pain from not keeping a secret that they had confided to me.
I gave up even trying for all the other sororities for this one and now I have nowhere else to go, my room already been assigned to someone else by the university as it's pretty much a given that I'm in, providing I don't go against the rules and take party in any challenge or task they create. I wish I'd thought some more about this instead of jumping completely in and maybe considered it a bit more seriously. I guess it's too late for regrets now and wishing I'd made a different decision. Too late to back out and too late to find anywhere else to stay. Especially since I haven't found any other friends. Apparently once you were in the sorority it was common knowledge that others' were not permitted to speak to them at all.
All I want is to make some friends, but these girls are hard to talk to. The older ones like Rihanna don't have time for the pledges except to humiliate them and even Sandy is too busy for me. Sometimes I swear they are giving me dirty looks when they think I can't see it but that could be my imagination. Or maybe I'm just becoming paranoid. Or it's to do with chatting and flirting with Kenneth. Maybe they see it as a betrayal to Rihanna? Even though Kenneth assured me they are no longer dating and she hasn't said anything about it.
Do you want to know what the next challenge was? They waited until it was late at night after ten pm and played loud rock music that blared in all of our rooms. Doesn't sound too bad does it? Except that it played for over twenty four hours and all of us had our bedroom doors somehow locked to prevent us leaving. It was so loud and on an endless loop that kept playing over and over again. Nothing would drown out the noise. Nothing.
We were given no food or water for those hours, luckily having a bathroom attached I could drink water from the tap but stupidly hadn't left any food in the room. By the time the music finally turned off I had a burst eardrum and could barely move, a migraine brought on by the heavy thumping noises of the ear screeching horrible metal music. I hate metal music, absolutely loathe it. It makes my ears hurt and never fails to give me a headache.
They thought it was funny. I ended up having to go to emergency to get patched up and when I came back they congratulated me on passing another test and being one step closer to being one of them. Am I being too sensitive? After all I suppose it wasn't exactly too harmful and it could have been much worse. A lot worse. But to have a burst eardrum and to go to the hospital was taking it a step too far. Why couldn't they have let us out when we begged, no longer able to stand the music and the headaches etc that came with it? Why did they find my pain so amusing? Do they all enjoy hurting other people.
I'll give them some more time. Perhaps these challenges will be done soon and they'll be the friends and sister's I've been hoping for. It won't hurt to persevere for a while longer will it? After all I'm made of sterner stuff than just giving up. These girls won't get the satisfaction of watching me run off like a frightened ittle girl. Let them do their worst.
Misty
- Writer
