Pleasure & Confusion

CHAPTER 15

Soul looks so peaceful while he sleeps. Despite his cuts and bruises, he looks like the boy I fell for in school.

I just wish I could go back to those feelings. The lust, the ache, the need to be close to him.

Now, instead of wanting him, I just like how he makes me feel safe and cared for.

I'm basically using him for the way he supports and cherishes me.

Somebody like Soul wouldn't hurt me intentionally. He cares for me. He loves me. He wants to make me happy.

And he's trying so hard.

I sigh, shake my head and wander out of the bedroom.

I'm dressed and ready for work.

My work shirts are all getting tight around my stomach and hips, as are my skirts. I'm going to have to get maternity wear soon. That sucks!

~*~

"So, what are we going to do about the baby?" Soul asks as we cuddle in bed that evening.

"Huh?"

"Well, this place is too small for us and a baby. We should move into a two bed place so we have more room. The baby will have their own room."

I am completely amazed that Soul is able to consider the needs of my child! Not even Dean or Holden has shown that much compassion.

"That sounds like a lovely idea." I smile at him in the moonlight.

"I think you should give up work. I know you'll want to be a stay-at-home parent." Soul murmurs into my hair.

"How would that work? I need money to pay my rent and bills. Think of how much babies cost per week! I need a job."

Soul looks at me as though I've grown an extra head. "Am I incapable of working?"

I bite my lip and flush. "Err... I guess not. I didn't think you'd want to. It's not your job to supply my child and I with all we need."

"Just because I'm not the biological dad doesn't mean I can't have a part to play. I'm the ones who's going to be getting up for night feeds and supporting you with the screaming fits. In some way, I will be a father figure." Soul states.

I can't believe he's willing to take me on with all this baggage! A baby is a whole lot of stress! Exhausting, stressful, expensive baggage.

"Soul. That's amazing to hear, but I do have a few worries. I'm scared to voice them. I don't want to start an argument." I bite my lip, worriedly.

"We'll voice them! I'll try and help you through them." Soul says, stroking my cheek gently.

I sigh, and decide now is as good a time as any. Bite the bullet Lizzie!

"I'm worried about what Dean and Holden said. I'm worried about my baby not knowing who their dad really is. I'm worried about doing this on my own, but I don't think it's fair to make you take on my responsibility. I'm scared about money. I'm in a whole lot of debt. I trust you, but my wolf trusts Dean and Holden. I'm having a mental conflict and I have no idea what to do or who to believe." I let slip everything that's been clouding my brain.

Soul just laughs. A booming, scary laugh, that has the hair on my arms standing on end.

In a flash, he's on top of me, restraining my hands above my head.

"Oh dear. I thought I actually had a while with you before you started getting worried. Damn! Well, maybe I'll have you one last time before I kill you... or maybe we can make this more exciting!! Ooh, now I'm having fun!" 

My mouth drops open, my heart races, my baby kicks and my wolf howls and growls in anger.

"HELP! SOMEONE, HELP!" I scream, before receiving a harsh stinging slap on the face.

"Shut the f**k up you w***e!" Soul hisses.

Soul stops with a grin, and moves up so he's sitting on top of me, straddling me!

"Now, I have a great plan! The best plan I have ever thought of. You, my love, are going to do as you're told and act like you don't know a thing! You will continue to stand up for me, and love me the way I expect. I will kill those bastard mates of yours and take the pack for myself!"

"My master can go to hell when I finally have the chance to get everything I ever wanted! I am actually going to win for the first time in my pathetic life."

"Now this plan begins with your submission to me. You will be mine, and do everything I ask and expect of you! Right?"

I swallow back bile. "No! I am not going to submit to you!"

Soul slaps me hard again, my cheek feeling the burn immediately.

Tears prick at my eyes. "Oh yes you will! Now... I'm horny, so open your legs, b***h!"

"No! Please, don't do this Soul! This isn't you! Please! Baby, come back to me." I beg, tears now flowing freely.

Soul just laughs.

That night I am raped. Abused. Wounded. He hits everywhere except my pregnant belly.

I sob, begging him to stop but it just riles him up. He seems to get a kick out of my sobs and moans.

I arrive at work with foundation caking over my bruised cheek, and I force myself to work.

If I tell anyone, Soul will kill my baby.

I have to be good.

Over the next few weeks, both Dean and Holden try to talk to me, mainly at my flat, but Soul is always there and he refuses to let me open the door.

I just run to my room, sobbing.

They're trying to help me, and I was so blind I couldn't see that they were.

I need my mates more than anything.

I feel like a grounded child. I'm allowed out for work but then I have to come straight home after or I'll get punished.

I now know why I never wanted a relationship. Men are so f*****g possessive and won't let me speak to any other male without discipline.

I spoke to the postman the other day, and afterwards, Soul beat ten shades of s**t out of me.

I ended up with a black eye, a bruised cheek, cut lip and multiple bruises across my body.

My pregnant belly is now swollen up. My scan informed me that not only one baby was taking up residence in my uterus, but two!

Two babies?! I was happy. For me, anyway. Not for them. I have Soul threatening their lives as well as my own.

I have to try and do whatever I can to protect them, and give them a chance at life. I could have them and send them to my mates, giving them more of a chance than if they stayed with a weakling and an unfit mother like me.

Right now, I'm sat, waiting for my next sonogram. I get to find out the s*x of my babies. Finally, sixteen weeks, I can see what I'm having.

Soul is sat by my side, reading a book. He won't let me go anywhere alone! I feel so claustrophobic!

I want to scream!

That reminds me of one of my favourite songs.

Read All About It by Emeli Sande.

'I wanna sing, I wanna shout,

I wanna scream till the words dry out...'

It actually seems to help me right now when I listen to the lyrics.

Can I beat him?

Can I take control of my life?

I'm going to do something!

Somehow!

I will not bring my children into a world where Soul is king.

I won't have it!

As my name is called by the sonographer, Soul stands and yanks me up.

I bite my lip and keep quiet, forcing one foot in front of the other.

I weakly smile at the sonographer, and she smiles back. Worry clear in her eyes.

~*~

I was huddled on my bed, sobbing hard. Tears of pain and heartache slipping down my bruised cheeks.

Soul has beaten me after we found out I was having boys.

One of them has the Alpha gene.

It meant that even if Soul killed Holden, we had a future heir.

Holden was the father to my babies.

That really angered Soul. He didn't want it to be this way. He suspected Dean to be the father. I had disappointed him at every hurdle.

I was carrying the future Alpha in my womb!

Not only did it hurt that I had gone against my wolf and my mates, but it hurt that I was allowing myself to be beaten and raped while the future Alpha of the FireBird pack was inside me.