So dirty! Shameful! Disgusting! I hated myself, my body! Hated this vulnerability. I felt like drowning! Disappearing even! The water cascaded over my body as I stood trembling beneath the steady stream. The memory of Ned's hands on me, his smell, his touch, the fear and helplessness I had felt, lingered in the air around me like a suffocating fog. I continued to scrub frantically at my skin, desperate to rid myself of the stains, real and imagined, that seemed to seep into every pore of my skin. The soap and sponge in my hands were a feeble defense against the overwhelming sense of violation that consumed me. It wasn't even enough. My tears kept flowing as well as the water…I couldn't even breathe properly. I closed my eyes and focused on the sensation of the hot water as it be