The Alpha's Mistake: Meant To Love Him

Dear diary, If I could be allowed one wish, I would wish for a loving mate. A mate who would love me for life, for me. A mate who would be there for me, always and without fail. It seemed that fate had other plans for me though. The morning after my first shift at 19; the morning after I felt whole for the first time in my life; the bond snapped in place with none other than Julian Blake. He was one of the guys that made women swoon, older and younger. A heartbreaker by excellence. And he was locked in a passionate kiss with someone else. He didn’t stop. He didn’t acknowledge the bond. He didn’t bother turning to me. I was stunned — and not in the best way, mind you — and didn’t even get to utter a word, before I heard him snap through mind-link, “Speak a word of this, and you’ll pay.” My blood ran cold. This could not be happening to me. Someone, please wake me up from this nightmare! My eyebrows knitted together in a frown, even as I held back tears. I had but one wish… all werewolves longed for their mates. Was I so undeserving of love? What had I done to warrant such a punishment from the Goddess? But then again, I was a late-bloomer… Heavens, up till yesterday, I was a defect, broken, wolfless, invisible. What did I expect? He was the Alpha heir. He was one of the most sought-after guys on campus. And I was little boring me. The nerdiest girl around. But I was his mate for heaven’s sake! Surely, that meant something, even to him… Deluding myself into thinking he was only kidding, I took a step forward, with every intention of talking to him. But then, he shot me a glare, and I stopped dead in my tracks. My wolf whimpered in my mind. Before I could do something stupid, like drop to my knees and implore the Goddess for a miracle, or worse run and attract more stares than I would care for, he walked away, his arm casually holding the girl close. Thankfully, I managed to walk away as well, without making a fuss, without shedding a tear. It was only once I was in the restroom that I finally allowed myself to feel the weight of the rejection. “Speak a word of this, and you’ll pay,” his words kept repeating in my head like a broken record. It didn’t make sense. Our pack’s teachings about fated mates, and the importance of the bond, came to my mind, troubling me in more ways than one, and my vision blurred with tears at long last. He didn’t want me. My mate, the one meant to love and cherish me, had crushed my hopes. He had rejected me, silently, coldly, as if I meant nothing to him. My wish, now but a laughable dream, felt distant, like a thing of the past. It seemed to vanish before my very eyes. My heart, heavy with a sorrow unlike any I had felt before, was still functioning somehow. My tears refused to stop… but I had to make them stop. I had to get back up — I didn’t even know when I knelt on the floor — and attend lectures. Thankfully, he and I shared none. My wolf whimpered in my mind, and I could only tell her soothingly, “We’ll survive this. You and I. We’re a team. Ain’t nothing we can’t overcome.” Sadly enough, I had a lecture with her. The girl he had been kissing. Lucille Beaumont was in my second lecture. I knew her only in passing, exactly as I knew everybody else. I was as socially awkward as one could get. With years of neglect from my pack, years of being a wallflower, I only ever managed to observe people, rarely interacting with anyone. There weren’t many exceptions to that rule, only the twins. Sweet Camelia and her brother Michael never failed to make me feel seen. I looked at Lucille, a pang of jealousy hitting me in the gut. She was beautiful, smart, strong, and fierce — everything an Alpha could possibly want. She was everything I was not. My breathing became slightly labored, and I had to tip my head back, fighting tears. “Ain’t nothing we can’t overcome, partner,” my wolf reminded me in a soothing voice. I somehow found the strength to hold my head high and focus on the lecture. Despite the longing, despite the shattered dream, I needed to move forward. And move forward, I shall. ** ** ** ** Move forward, my ass, I told myself angrily, as more uncontrollable tears fell down my cheeks that night. I wasn't crying over Julian himself. I was crying over the dream I had entertained for so many years. I was crying over the chance I never had... a chance at love and normalcy. Heavens, the efforts I had to exert to keep my composure during the day were insane. Smiling at Camelia, who tried to cheer me up — bless her heart — felt like a chore, although she didn't even know why I was feeling under the weather. Remaining focused on what Michael, her cheerful twin brother, was saying never felt so tiresome. And the day dragged on, torturously slow, and all through it, I had to be fake, and more silent than ever. I didn’t run into Julian again. I was both disappointed and relieved, if it made any sense at all. But as I laid in bed, thinking, praying, and crying, I didn’t know where I had gone wrong. I had always been a good girl. Never once complaining about being a late-bloomer. Never once yearning for something that wasn't mine to take. Never once envying people for what they had. But at the moment, weakness became my middle name, and I could only envy Lucille for what she had going on with my mate, the one made for me, and who was meant to love me. "I need to talk to him," I told myself in between hiccups, trying hard, and succeeding, to stifle my sobs. Thankfully, mom's TV was on, and she didn't hear me. If she had, she would have barged in, demanding answers, asking who hurt me. Late-bloomer or not, she never once made me feel like I didn't matter. And that was a blessing right there. "He'll come around," my wolf let out softly, doing her best to help me relax. "I hope so," I replied, even though I wasn't convinced of that. Julian Blake was an Alpha heir after all. He was also the very definition of arrogant but lovable heartbreaker.