18.
1325 Words
ELIAN.
I took in Anisa’s appearance as I led her into the waiting carriage, then turned to nod towards the three wolves standing before me.
"I'll see you all back at the pack house. Kosey, make sure you take care of Imani."
‘I can very much take care of myself, Bani!’ Imani mindlinked.
"It never hurts to have another means of protection. See you later," I replied with a smug smile before I hopped into the waiting carriage.
Although overwhelmed with the feelings of being unable to shift, which always hit hard even more when I had to ride a horse or a carriage, I couldn't ignore the woman sitting beside me.
I wanted to touch her. I wanted to feel her warmth seeping through me. I wanted to hear her talk or see her smile. I want to watch her lips move as she speaks. But I was afraid. I was afraid of trying anything that could scare her.
But I wanted this to work. More than anything I've ever wanted, I wanted this to work. And if I can give anything, I mean anything to make that happen, I will. She was perfect. And everything about her screamed perfection. She was a sight to behold, a beauty so delicate and untouched that it was the purest thing I'd ever witnessed.
I, on the other hand, was nothing. I had no wolf, and a man without a wolf was nothing. I may have fought so hard over the years to become an Alpha despite not having a wolf. I might have worked hard to get respected and recognized. But I never liked it. I hated it.
In a way, I had become a shadow of my real self. I acted tough and strong before everyone, when in reality I knew I was an empty shell on the inside. I couldn't be my real self in the presence of anyone for the fear that they may deem me weak.
I could have chosen to be my real self in Imani or Kosey's presence, but that would only cause worry to them. And I would hate to be the reason for that.
Hence, why I always put up the mask of being cold and brutal. Someone who was tough and feared nothing. I looked down at my covered tattoos and recalled how I had gotten them.
Those were the markings of how brutal I was. Of all the lives I had taken.
"Why didn't you...shift as well?" Her soft voice filled my ears, making me shift uncomfortably on the leathered chair of the carriage.
All this time, I had kept my gaze pinned on her, although she was looking outside the window and was not facing me. I hadn't even realized that I was staring, nor did I realize when she turned to look at me.
"I can't," I simply said, sucking in a deep breath. I looked away as I said that, not wanting to see the look which would cross her eyes.
"You can't? Aren't you just like them? I mean, from what I've learned so far, an Alpha is like a king."
"I am only an Alpha on the outside, Arwa. A true Alpha has a wolf. A wolf is an important aspect of our life, but I don't have it. Or better yet, I've never shifted."
"Why?" she asked softly, inching a bit closer to me. I could smell her, a sweet and flowery fragrance which made me ball my hands into fists. She didn't even realize the effect she had on me, or how badly I wished I could have her. But I had to control myself, because she was not mine to claim. Yet.
"Because I am an empty shell," I said bitterly, wincing as I saw the look that crossed her face.
"I...I..."
"It's fine," she cut me off hastily as she waved her hand. "You don't need to apologize. I understand." Then she inched back and pressed her body to the side of the carriage, just like she had been a few minutes ago.
Damn! I had messed up again. If I need to make this work, I would have to keep my emotions in check.
'Trust me, you have lots of issues to fix within you if you want her to trust us, you damn prick!' a voice thundered in my head.
This was the second time I had heard a voice speak to me without knowing who it was. It also didn't seem like I was being addressed by any of my pack members. Somehow, the voice sounded like it was a part of me.
However, before I could dwell more on the voice and my actions, the carriage suddenly lurched sideways with a jerk, and I felt Anisa's body thrown against mine. The swaying didn't stop, however, and I found Anisa wrapping her small arms around me.
My breath hitched for a fraction of a second, and my heart thundered loudly, causing me to suck in a deep breath. Before I could allow myself to think too much about it, I wrapped my arms around her as the swirling continued.
'What is going on?' I mindlinked the coachman.
'Forgive me, Alpha. The horses suddenly got hysterical.'
'Steady them!' I snapped, tightening my hold around Anisa's waist even more.
I would hate for anything to take away this moment from me. The feeling of having my mate in my embrace, of her perfect body, molded into mine. I tucked my head into her mass of black hair and took in a sniff. I still couldn't make out what her scent was like. One moment, it was peaches and grapes, and the next moment, it was the smell of the lake on the west side of my territory, where the water swayed ever so gently in the breeze. And lastly, I could swear she smelt of my favorite go to everyday confection; Halva.
'Her scent is nothing like that. She smells of fresh milk,' the voice said again.
As always, I didn't get enough time to ponder on it when the swirling stopped and I felt Anisa trying to push away from me.
"Thank you for that," she murmured, and I noticed how she was trying to avoid making eye contact.
I still had my arms around her waist, although she had pulled back. I could watch her talk all day and still yearn for more of her voice. Just a simple brush of her skin against mine was enough to set my soul on fire.
"Here," she said, using her finger to remove a thread. I had no idea how it got to my face. "It was trying to fall into your eyes."
I quickly caught her hand in mine, and pressed it to my lips. I watched as her eyes widened, but she didn't pull her hand back, and that gave me enough courage to continue.
I opened her palm, while keeping my eyes locked on her, and kissed the center.
"You are so perfect, Arwa," I whispered.
She still didn't move, and kept her gaze fixed on mine. Ever so slowly, she brought her other hand and cupped my cheeks.
"And so are you, Elian. You are not an empty shell like you said, you are far more than that." She leaned in closer, and I could have sworn that my body swayed of its own accord and moved towards her.
I knew the bond was playing its trick here, and as much as I wanted Anisa to take me in on her own accord, I was still glad the mate bond was there to push things.
"I don't deserve you, Arwa."
"And you think I do?" She leaned her forehead against mine. "I thought the mate bond was to make us compliment each other? Never call yourself an empty shell, Elian. And can you please stop confusing me with your mood swings?"
- Writer
