What if?

Chapter 13: I cried

Nick

We are still here inside the car except Michael, I am still gathering my courage to talk to him and calming myself at the same time. I am still mad at Michael and I need to calm myself because if not I will not be able to have a successful conversation with Michael. I kept on clenching my fingers all together. “Stop it. If you can't, it is okay. Michael will still go here inside the car though, we can just wait for him.” Janice said while holding both my hands. I looked at Janice and released a deep breath. “I will go and talk to him.” I said to Janice while looking closely into her eyes. 

Janice did not say anything, maybe because she can see how passionate I am to talk to Michael. Besides, we don’t have a choice, if we let Michael out there and not talk to him, it will take a night. We can’t force him to go inside the car and go home on the other hand. So, the only and best option is for me to talk to him. Janice is out of the circle, I am the only one who is capable here to talk to him because it all started because of me. 

“Whooo!” I again released air before going out of the car. I opened the car’s door and stepped outside. I searched for Michael’s presence and saw him sitting on the bench near a big tree. I don’t know what tree it is but the leaves are quite big and I have never seen a tree like this before. I walked toward where Michael is sitting. He seems to be thinking a lot while looking at his feet and swaying it. When I was getting close to him, he stopped swaying his feet and looked at me. 

Michael’s eyes are so sad. I can feel it and I know that he is just disappointed in me. He thought I was siding with him and our parents. I wasn’t on anybody's side because I thought it is better to be neutral but look what I got? Michael is now disappointed in me, I am also the reason why he got mad at our parents. Why do I feel like I am the cause of all of this? 

Michael hugged me. I didn’t know why, but I also hugged him back. I realized we are being dramatic so I got off with the hug and I saw that Michael's right shoulder was wet. I touched my face, it was wet too. “Did I just cry?” I asked myself. I wiped the tears that were on my face but it didn't stop. I kept on letting out tears from my eyes. 

I suddenly felt weak and almost fell on the ground, luckily Michael was there to catch me. He helped me sit on the bench. He made me turn my body to face him. “Why are you crying?” Michael asked. I did not say anything at first, instead, I cried more. The tears that were slowly pouring are now in a rapid tempo. “I’m sorry. Please don’t be mad at me and please don’t be mad at Mom and Dad. This is all because of me. Everything happened because I came to this family. I should not have met you, you might be having a good time now with other people.” I said while crying. 

I realized that I was crying because I was the cause of all this. Michael acting like this and now the family that I got in is now having a problem. I was waiting for Michael’s reply but he didn’t. I looked at him closely. “Please don’t be mad at me.” I said to Michael. “If you stop crying, I won’t.” Michael replied. I wiped all my tears using my shirt and held Michael’s hand. “Promise?” I said. “Yes.” Michael bluntly said. “I don’t trust you.” I replied to Michael. “Okay, fine. Let’s go home and I will talk to Mom and Dad. You don’t have to cry like this, and think that you are the reason. I was the reason because I was being emotional and not even thinking that you already feel like this.” Michael explained. 

When I heard Michael say those words I just felt relieved from every negative thing I was thinking a while ago. Michael stood up and then offered his right hand to me. He did not say anything. I looked at him and his hand and looked back at his eyes. He isn’t saying anything but it seems like his eyes are communicating to me and telling me to grab his hand.

I grabbed his hand and also stood up to where I was sitting. “Finally.” Michael said. I think he said that because he was waiting for my hand to grab his for 2 minutes. We walked towards the car. The car’s door opened. “Let’s go home.” Michael said to the driver. We got inside and Janice was on my other side. I was surprised that Janice did not ask anything this time. 

We were silent inside the car and were all hoping that we could already reach home. I was about to put on the earphones when the driver turned on the radio. I was not able to successfully put on the earphones because I thought it is better to listen to the radio. There is a song being played on the radio. I don’t understand what language it is, but one thing I am sure of, it is not a Korean song. “What language is this?” I asked openly. I didn’t say any name because I wanted them to answer the question. “I am not sure.” The driver answered. I was expecting that he would know because he was the one who let that station play. “I see. Too bad.” I replied to the driver. “It is Japanese.” Michael answered. 

I looked at Michael after hearing his answer. “How did you know?” I asked. “I also like listening to Japanese songs.” He answered. “Do you know the artist?” I asked again. “I don’t.” Michael replied. “What?!” I burst. It is because he doesn’t make sense to me. “I just listen to Japanese songs randomly without knowing their names. I like their songs because I just play them randomly.” Michael explained. Now I get what he means. He could have just said it earlier. 

I did not reply to Michael instead I gave him a nod as if I am saying fine. He did not react though so I think that’s okay. I suddenly felt like someone was staring at me so I turned to look at where I could sense it. I looked at the mirror then saw the driver staring at me. He mouthed something. “What.” I said. He then signaled me using his index finger and putting it on his lips as if he was telling me to hush. He mouthed again. “Are you okay?” The driver asked. I did an okay sign using my right hand and he just nodded when he saw it. He continued driving. 

“We are here.” The driver said out loud to make us aware. I could sense something vibrating beside me so I turned to Janice. She was shaking. “Are you okay?” I whispered to Janice. “I am nervous about what's gonna happen.” Janice said. “Let’s get off.” Michael said. We got off one by one but I waited for Janice. “Hey. Why?” I asked Janice. “Michael doesn’t know how to lower himself. Whenever he is in a discussion, he doesn’t care who he is talking to.” Janice answered. “What?! But he is not like that to me.” I replied to Janice. “You are an exception, Nick. I am even still amused of your charm to Michael. I mean, you can calm him.” Janice replied. 

I wanted to ask and say more but Michael cut me off. “Hey! Aren’t you going in? You were the one who told me to talk to Mom and Dad.” Michael said. I was surprised when I heard Michael’s voice so I just followed him inside the house. Michael is still young and I never thought that he would be this mature. I thought all he knows is to annoy me, I mean I know he is smart but his annoyance overpowers his smartness. He walked in first and sat on the sofa inside the living room. He sat on the floor as if he was the boss. I don’t think he is nervous at all, not like I am right now. Ughh!! I hope I have his confidence. “Sit.” Michael said when he saw standing and just staring at him. s**t! Did he just say sit? Do I look like a dog to him? 

Janice who just went upstairs came downstairs again. “They are not home.” Janice said as soon as she stepped in the living room. “Let’s wait for them.” Michael said bluntly. I looked at Michael with irritated eyes. Why does he act like this? Does he freaking think he is a boss? Ugh! Annoying. “What?!” Michael said to me. He noticed me looking at him. “Nothing. I just think about you a bit...BIT.” I said. I can’t even understand what I just said. Whatever, at least I was able to say something. “Why aren’t they here yet?” Michael asked. “I don’t know and most especially we don’t know because Mom was not able to finish what she wanted to say because you cut the call remember?” I said to Michael. “Yeah. I forgot, sorry.” Michael replied. “We just have to patiently wait for them here then.” I said. “We don’t have a choice. Do we?” Michael asked sarcastically. 

Dude! Michael just doesn't know when to give up. Ughh! I hate him and I want to scold him now but this is not the right time for that. I need to calm myself or else we will have another problem again. I searched where Janice was using my eyes only and then I saw her standing at my back. She is still shaking. “Janice, come and sit here.” I said to Janice. I moved myself on the other sofa because I wanted to talk to her. I can’t let Michael hear us talking. Janice immediately went and sat next to me. As soon as she seated she clenched both of her hands. I felt so guilty, so I touched her hands. “You don’t have to be afraid. It is not your fault.” I whispered to Janice. 

I know Janice is not young to take things like this and I don't want her to stress herself too much about something that she did not cause. “It is my duty to take care of the both of you. If I don’t feel worried right now I will be a bad guardian to the both of you.” Janice explained. “Then be worried, don’t be nervous.” I replied to Janice. “How can I do that?” Janice asked. “All you have to do is to erase all the things that you are thinking right now because it has nothing to do with you.” I answered Janice’s question softly. “I will try to do that.” Janice replied. “Inhale and exhale.” I replied to Janice.

I realized that I should not be nervous at this rate and time right now because if I do it will not be good for Janice. I also took a deep breath and stopped thinking about negative things and changed it into things that can be better for the current situation. I may not be a positive person but now I really have to because I don’t have a choice. 

After taking a deep breath I again turned to look at Janice. “Hey Janice. Smile.” I said and gave off a wide smile. I saw that after Janice saw my smile she slowly smiled also. “Everything will be okay.” I said out loud. “It will. Mom and Dad feel so guilty right now… I think.” Michael said. “What?!” I replied to Michael. “Sorry. I didn’t mean it in a negative way but in a way that they will not be mad and maybe if we get to talk to each other they will try to let us speak and they will closely listen to our words. Trust me.” Michael said. “Didn’t know you could predict the future.” I said in a sarcastic tone. “No, really. Ughh! Whatever!” Michael burst. After Michael said that, we all laughed together. “I hope so.” I said to myself.