What if?

Chapter 58: Mixed Feelings

Michael

“John let’s go already, the rain is starting to drop.” I said to John who is now cleaning his desk. He is really messy when he does things like designing. We tried to design something and he totally messed up a lot of things on his desks. “Yeah… yeah. Or you can go first.” John said to me. I really don’t like it when he says this. “We are always together. So don’t say that please refrain yourself okay?” I said to John near to his ears because I want him to remember and hear it clearly. Why doesn’t he understand that we should not leave each other like that? He is really something. “Sorry. I am finishing.” John replied back to me. 

I am not worried that Nick would leave or go somewhere since before leaving him in the classroom we assured that he should stay there. But it was raining so I was thinking that he might have wet his shoes. We have our umbrella though so that is the main problem. What a nice time it rained. I really like rain, but that is only if I am at home or inside a building or let us just say a place. If I am going somewhere, rain is really the thing that I hate, I hate it more than traffic. I could really say this right now because this is what I really feel everytime it rains while I am outside. 

“Finished, let’s go Michael.” John said as soon as he finished. He got his backpack and wore it. “Do you have an umbrella?” I asked John just to make sure before going out because he has not taken it outside yet. “Yeah, I have. Sorry. Let me get it first.” John said and took his umbrella from his bag. “Okay, it is set.” John said. As soon as John said that, we went to the club president’s desk. “We will be going first. Goodbye, take care.” I said to the club president. “Yeah, take care.” The club president said while smiling. 

John and I went outside and were walking on our way to Nick’s club. When we were near Nick, I noticed that he was not alone and was with another person. I can’t see the faces but I absolutely know that the other person under that umbrella is Nick but the other is not really familiar to me. “Why is Nick sharing an umbrella?” John said to Nick which made me also question the same thing in my mind. I looked at the umbrella, the color is different from Nick’s. “That is not his umbrella, I remember that he has a blue umbrella so this is definitely not his.” I said to myself. 

As we were getting closer, I remembered who the owner of the other bag was. I ran after recognizing who the owner of the bag was. “Nick!” I shouted Nick’s name while running. I was in a hurry because I wanted to make sure if the person sharing his umbrella is the person that is on my mind. “Michael, John?” Nick said as soon as he turned to look at us. I think John also ran after seeing me running. “Jake…” I said as I saw him. 

Guess I was right. It was really Jake. Why is he always there together with Nick when I am not around? “Do I always have to stay with Nick?” I asked myself while looking at both of them. “Oh, I think you forgot to put my umbrella back in the bag when you checked it. It is not in my bag so Jake shared this with me.” Nick said to me. Why do I feel so bad after hearing what Nick just said? Why is he explaining like this? He doesn’t have to explain. “I see, now you can stop sharing. Thank you for sharing the umbrella with Jake.” I said to Jake as he pulled Nick out of Jake’s umbrella. “Ah!” Nick said when I came to pull him. 

I am being such an i***t right now, I know that I already hurt Nick by doing that but I don’t care. I don’t like the fact that they are getting close to each other. Besides, I am still Nick’s brother. I am just protecting him from this person. What will happen if they get closer to each other? Then there is a big possibility that Nick will change to a person like Jake. He is so close minded and I don’t want that to happen to Nick. This is really frustrating.

“Let’s go!” I said to Nick while holding his hand and started to walk. “Wait.” Nick said as he stopped me from walking. I was about to say something but he looked at Jake’s direction. “Jake, let’s go out of this school together.” Nick to Jake. Which made me blank. I don’t know what to say and to react.

I tightened my hold to Nick’s arm. It is a sign telling him not to do the thing that he wants. I can’t say this is what I wanted to tell him. Jake did not reply to Nick so he grabbed Jake’s hand and made him walk together with us. “Let’s go.” Nick said to me while smiling. I did not smile back at Nick. I am just not in the right state to say something due to what Nick did together with Jake. John on the other hand is the same. The atmosphere was quiet and gray. “Okay.” Jake said and started to walk together with Nick. Jake broke the silence that we were being surrounded. 

Why do I feel that they are having their own world right now. They are really close now, what am I gonna do? I don’t like this, this is so frustrating that it is choking me with madness and sorrow. I suddenly felt sad and mad at the same time. “This mixed feeling is really irritating. I hate it.” I said to myself while reflecting. 

I walked together with them but did not say anything until we reached the outside of the campus. “Sir Jake.” A guy said in front of us. The guy was wearing a white uniform like what our driver wears but more formal, I think? “Hmm…” Jake replied to the guy and nodded at the same time. The guy looked so worried while closely looking at Jake. I don’t know anything about Jake’s family but I think that the driver might be really worried because he thinks that Jake might have gotten wet from the rain. “I will go first… Nick.” Jake said while looking at me first then lastly looked at Nick to say that. 

“Thanks. Have a safe trip.” Nick said to Jake but Jake did not say anything. Nick is now under my umbrella now since the time that I pulled him out of Jake’s umbrella but Nick was still holding Jake’s hand. “You must let go of his hand now because he will be going home.” I said to Nick with a soft voice. “Oh! Sorry.” Nick said and let go of Jake’s hand. After that, Jake started to walk away from us. 

He did not even reply to Nick so I turned to look at Nick because I felt bad. Jake's attitude is really irritating. “Why is he like this?” I said while staring at Nick’s face. He is smiling while closely staring at Jake walking. I can feel that Nick is used to Jake’s attitude. “I hate this.” I said and gritted my teeth in madness. “Hey, you okay?” John whispered to my ears. “I don’t know.” I replied to John in an irritated voice. “You should have just said thanks to Jake.” John said to me.

What John just said made me more frustrated. “Hey!...” I shouted to John’s face but I was cut and was not able to say what I wanted to say completely because John said something. “I will go home first. Bye Nick… bye Michael. See you tomorrow and have a nice trip.” John said to the both of us. “Bye!” Nick said to John. Nick sounded so happy. He must be still happy about what happened to both him and Jake. 

“Bye!” I replied to John in an irritated voice. John then walked away and was waving his hand until he entered their car. “Michael, let us go inside the car too. I think Janice is inside there already.” Nick said to me. I think so too because of the heavy rain. Janice might have transferred to the car first because it is uncomfortable to be outside and it is way better to be inside the car. “Yeah.” I said and was about to go first but I was surprised to feel that something was on my hand. When I looked, it was Nick’s hand. He held my hand. “Let’s go.” Nick said to me while smiling widely. So he held my hand so we could walk together. Something came inside my heart and erased everything that I was feeling a while ago. All of it perished and was replaced only by happiness. I smiled back to Nick and we walked together inside the car.