What if?

Chapter 61: Silence

Nick

“Whaa! Guess I am really unlucky.” I said to myself while preparing my things because the class is already finished. I was asked by our different teachers every class a question. “Did they plan it?” John said as he put his arm on my shoulder. I turned to look at him and gave him a gaze. He really knows how to make me mad. He really is Michael’s best friend.

I am part of the group but I sometimes initiate the move to annoy them. On the other hand they are just professionals in making me mad all the time. “I don’t know.” I replied back to Michael. “Really? Or you are just an unlucky person. HAHAHA” John said and laughed hilariously. 

“Piece of jerk.” I said to myself while looking at him. “What?” John asked me after he laughed hard. He saw me looking closely at him with heated eyes. “I am unlucky… happy?” I said to John. “Dude you are not unlucky, you are just not listening to the teachers that is why they asked you questions. You could have attracted them because you were not looking at them. This is really rare to happen with you. Nick, you don’t have the aura that when you are with other people, you will be noticed. You just were not paying attention.” John said while looking closely at me and moving his hands in front of me. 

He is moving his hands a lot. I feel like I am in front of the class again. “Class is finished, why are you still discussing?” I asked John without looking at him and continued to do my thing. “It is because…” John was not able to finish his sentence because I stopped him. “Shh! Shh! I understand. I was not paying attention.” I admitted my mistake. 

I hate to admit it but John is exactly correct. I was not paying attention all throughout the class because I was bothered by Michael's face. I want to ask him what happened to him after seeing his face. Michael is not the kind of person who is like that. He happens to show his expression when he is really overthinking. “It is a secret.” I said to John. “Pft! Secret? Maybe you were thinking about your crush.” John said all of a sudden as I was about to walk out from his sight. “What are you talking about?” I shouted at John after hearing what he just said to me. 

I don’t know what I feel but after hearing his words I felt like there were some sudden movements in my body that made me chill. “Yieee… Guess you really were. Who was it?” John asked as he walked closely to me. 

I could not move. I felt like my body was frozen. “Shut up! I don’t have a crush or what. Don’t you think we are too young for that?” I turned to look and asked John when I finally was able to move my body. “It is normal. Come on, who was it? You know that you don’t have to be shy, okay?” John said to me trying all his best. 

I didn’t know that he was into my business. “Shut up! It was Michael I was thinking about okay? So can you please stop?” I finally said it to John because I was frustrated by all he was saying. Besides, it was not good for me because he was talking about Michael, who is my brother. “What? Sorry.... But why were you thinking about him that totally made you lose your attention?”John asked softly. I guess he felt disgusted by the fact that he was cheering for me and Michael because he didn’t know that it was Michael all along. 

“It was because I saw him as if he was thinking about something really bad. He really looked unwell for me that is why.” I said to John softly. “Really? He was okay all throughout the classes. He didn’t seem like he was unwell to me. He was even drawing the teachers in his notebook and letting me see all of it. He was literally making fun of the teachers all throughout the classes.” John said to me which made me felt stupid of myself. “Really? Whaa! I am so stupid to think that way. Ugh!” I said to myself trying to reflect on my stupidity. 

“HAHAHA!” I heard John laugh after I turned my back to him and walked straight to where Michael was. “Ouch! What is wrong with you?” Michael asked after I punched him on his arm. “Let’s go!” I said to Michael without answering his question. I just continued to walk. “What is wrong with him?” I heard Michael ask John while the other can’t stop laughing. “I will go to the club first. Bye!” I said without looking at them. I don’t want to look at Michael as of the moment, most especially to John who is still laughing because of what I said. 

“Ugh! Why am I so stupid?” I said to myself while walking grumpily on my way to the club. “Nobody’s stupid… most especially in this school.” Someone said something which made me look straight to where I was walking. “Jake. Nah! I just think I am.” I replied to Jake. 

So Jake was basically in front of me but I didn’t see him. “Are you going back to the classroom?” I asked after noticing that he seems like going back which is the other way around. “No.” Jake answered shortly to me. That is why I didn’t see him a while ago. “Then where? We have to practice.” I said and asked Jake because he was not clear. Besides, I have the right to ask him since he is the one who teaches me to play the guitar. And there is also one reason… he answered shortly and I didn’t like it. We have been together for a long time but he seems like he still doesn’t want to open himself to me. “Does having a friend kill him? Why is he so… alone?” I said to myself while waiting for his answer. 

“There are no practices today. The club is closed and there was a note on the door saying that everyone will have a break today. And tomorrow they will announce something to all the club members.” Michael said completely but it was in a monotone voice which makes me think that he is literally forcing himself to talk with me. “I see. I think it is a good thing though.” I said to Michael. “Wait!” I said as Michael started walking away from me. “See? He really doesn't want to talk with me.” I said to myself after I saw Jake stopped walking. “You are going and I am too, let us walk together.” I said to Jake. “Okay.” Jake replied softly. 

I want to get close to him and understand him. I think there is a deeper reason why he wants to be alone and doesn’t try much to make friends with other people. He seems like he is to exclude himself from everyone which is so different from every normal person in the world. 

We started walking together slowly but the atmosphere was so gray so I started to talk with him again. “What do you think will be the announcement tomorrow?” I asked Jake while walking. “I don’t know but I think it is important.” Michael answered my question immediately. “I think so too because it is the first time ever since we got in the club.” I said as I agree with what Jake just said. “Yeah.” Jake answered shortly. There he goes again. “You know I have the feeling that there will be a music festival or we are going to play in front of people.” I said to Jake. “I think that way too.” Jake replied immediately. His answer surprised me. 

“Really?” I asked Jake. This is a rare moment. “Why are we even practicing a lot if we are not going to play? And last time I saw the president with a form and letter from the school head.” Jake said. “Whaa! You are quite observant.” I said to Jake in amaze. “Hmmm. It is simple, I am a quiet person and I tend to be more observant of the things around me.” Jake said which is actually true but I somehow feel a bit hurt by what he said. I am quiet too but I tend to become talkative when I am with him because no conversation and words will get out of our mouths if I don't try to talk with him first. 

I have been doing this since he started to have guitar lessons together. He would just teach me how to play the guitar and where to put the fingers but other than that, nothing. Definitely NOTHING at all. He doesn’t even try to know me more or what. “Wait! It is not that I want him to ask questions about me.” I said to myself while overthinking. “You good?” Jake asked as he stopped walking. 

After hearing his question, I too also stopped walking so I can give him an answer. “Yeah.” I said shortly and then started to walk. He did not reply after hearing my answer. “What do I expect from him?” I said to myself while walking again. Whenever I am with Jake I am more on using my mind than my mouth because I talk with my mind all the time. I hope because of this I will get smarter. 

We walked and walked until we were already near the exit gate of the school. “I will go to Janice.” I said to Jake firstly and I will just wait for John and Michael there. “You’re not going home yet?” Jake asked a question. “Nah! John and Michael are still inside so I will wait together with Janice here. You?” I said and asked Jake. “I am going home now. The driver is here though.” Jake answered my question. “I see. Goodbye and be safe. Thanks for the walk.” I said and walked away from him while slightly waving my right hand. 

“Ugh!” I sighed as soon as I dropped my hand from waving. I don't know if he already went inside their car because I did not care to look at him. I did not hear any words from him either, so maybe he already went inside their car.