My Dearly Beloved Luna

Chapter 12

I dug a dark pit in my mind and buried the feeling before it had the chance to grow.

Because whatever my body was trying to tell me…I'm sure It's wrong since Elias had already made himself perfectly clear.

And I wasn't about to stand here inventing hope where none existed.

I’d spent most of my life learning how to power through disappointment.

One more wouldn’t break me. My mother had seen to that.

She’d taught me how to smile after a slap.

How to thank someone for criticism dressed up as advice.

How to make myself smaller until no one remembered I was in the room.

Compared to those years…This was manageable.

I lifted my chin.“May I come in?”

“Of course,” Father answered immediately.

I stepped forward.

Elias was still standing in the doorway, leaving only a narrow gap between himself and the frame.

I turned my shoulders sideways to carefully pass so not even the fabric of my clothes could brush against his shirt.

The moment I was beside him, that strange pull returned. A quiet, relentless tug low in my chest. It urged me closer.

Closer.

As though the smallest touch would somehow make everything right.

But I ignored it and kept walking.

If he wanted distance, I’d gladly give him more than he asked for.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught him watching the space I’d left between us.

Good. Let him see it. He wasn’t the only one capable of keeping his distance.

I stopped before Father’s desk and folded my hands loosely in front of me.

The habit came without thought. Stand straight. Shoulders relaxed. Eyes lowered just enough to appear respectful.

Never fidget.

Never interrupt.

Years of Mother's lessons had carved itself I to every fibre of my being, no matter how badly I wished they didn’t.

“You wanted to see me?” I uttered meekly.

Father studied me for a long moment. Then his gaze shifted briefly toward Elias before returning to mine.

“Forget what you overheard.”His voice carried quiet disappointment.“Elias isn’t thinking clearly.”

I offered a polite smile.“It doesn’t matter.”

“It does.”He sounded firmer this time.

“Sylvi…” he tried to say.

“It’s alright.” I cut in.

I surprised myself with how steady my voice remained.“I’m used to people deciding who I am before they know me.”

The room fell silent.

“It isn’t personal,” I continued with a faint shrug. “Anyone looking at how awkward and quiet I am is going to assume I’m weak. It’s just the truth.”

As I spoke my smile never slipped.

“I’ve stopped taking it personally.” The words rolled off my tongue so effortlessly that it frightened me—as though I’d rehearsed them a thousand times.

Maybe I had.

Late at night.

Alone.

When there was no one around to hear the truth hidden underneath them.

Father looked as though I’d struck him.

A shadow crossed his face.

“Sylvia…”

“I’m fine.” The lie rolled off my tongue with practised ease. “I promise.”

I’d become terrifyingly good at promises like that, the kind meant to comfort everyone except the person making them.

The kind meant to comfort everyone except the person saying them.

But inside, something splintered. Not with a loud crash, just a quiet crack spreading through a place that was already broken.

And I refuse to let either of them see it. Especially Elias since he’d already decided I was fragile. I wouldn’t give him proof.

So I stood there with my back straight, my hands folded neatly together, and the same composed smile Mother had spent years forcing me to perfect.

If they wanted to believe I wasn’t hurting…

Then I’d wear that mask until they believed it.

Even if I almost started believing it myself.

Then a sharp knock on the door shattered the spiral of my thoughts.

One of the patrol wolves stood outside, waiting for Father’s attention.

Father glanced toward the sound before looking back at me, as if he’d almost forgotten why he’d called me here in the first place.

“There’s one more thing,” he says

I waited quietly.

“You’ll be reporting directly to Elias starting tomorrow.”

My heartbeat stumbled.

“He’ll bring you to Headquarters himself. He knows the building, the staff, and the work better than anyone. He’ll make sure you settle in.”

“I understand.”The words came out calm. Steady.

As though hearing them didn’t reopen a wound that was barely minutes old.

Then Father rubbed a hand across his jaw.“Sylvia…” He muttered with hesitation in his voice

Which wasn’t like him because he always seemed to know exactly what to say. But tonight, he looked like a man searching for the right words and finding none.

“Is there anything else?” I asked gently.

But he kept staring at me.

His eyes searched my face, almost as though he expected the cracks I’d worked so hard to hide to suddenly appear.

“Elias will be mentoring you,” he said at last. “If anything feels overwhelming, speak to him.”

I simply nodded like an obedient dog with no complaints, no questions and no visible sign of disappointment written on my face.

Silence stretched across the room.

Father waited.

Perhaps for me to protest.

Perhaps for me to admit I’d heard enough outside that door to change my mind.

I did neither.

Eventually, he sighed. And said “Get some sleep. “You’ve had enough surprises for one day.”

I offered him a small smile.

“Thank you… for believing I can do this.” I muttered.

His expression eased just enough to return the smile.“You’ll do better than you think.”

I raised my head before turning toward the door.

But Elias hadn’t moved. He was still standing exactly where I’d left him as his broad shoulders filled every part of the doorway.

Keeping my eyes fixed straight ahead, I turned sideways to squeeze past him, ducking out the same way I’d come in.

Once I entered the hallway, the air felt noticeably cooler than when I’d arrived.

One step.

Two.

Three.

I focused on the rhythm of my footsteps to keep myself distracted till I made it back to my room.

I was mid-step when strong fingers locked around my arm and I was pulled backwards. I didn't even have time to react before a startled noise broke from my lips.

My back met the wall with a dull thud, stealing the air from my lungs.

“Elias…”The name caught in my throat.

He stood far closer than he ever had before.

His hand released my arm only to cup my jaw, firm enough to stop me from turning away.

“Look at me,” he muttered, his voice barely above a whisper.

As I slowly lifted my eyes his grey gaze had darkened with tiny streaks of gold flickering beneath the surface.

“What are you doing?” he barked.

The question came out almost accusing.

“Why are you acting like nothing happened in there?” he added.

As he ran his mouth all I could think about was the fact that his hand against my skin felt impossibly warm. Heat spread from my jaw to the rest of my body in a wave so sudden it stole my breath.

My pulse raced.

Every nerve seemed to awaken at once and an unbearable sense of longing flooded through me.

Which made no sense since I’d never experienced anything like it.

Every instinct urged me to close the tiny distance separating us.

To stay.

To reach for him.

To…

No.

I slammed every feeling behind walls I’d spent years building.

I knew how to bury pain and I was sure I could bury this too.

Then I planted both palms against his chest. The solid muscle beneath my hands only made that strange ache worse.

“Let go.” I snapped while I pushed with all the strength I had.

Then he stepped back without resistance and it was almost as if he’d expected me to do exactly that.

The moment the space opened between us, I drew a slow breath into my lungs.

Then I met his eyes with every ounce of composure I could gather.

“I don’t know what game you think I’m playing,” I said quietly, “but whatever you heard me say in there was the truth.”

I lowered my hands to my sides.“If you don’t want me near you…”

A faint, tired smile touched my lips.“You won’t have to worry. I’ll stay out of your way.”