Chocolate Cosmos

Chapter 8

Charis

"Here."

Karl gazed up at me from his place, reaching to take the blanket I'm handing him.

Darkness had taken over and we were settling in for the night. We weren't yet sleepy and decided we shouldn't waste one of the iconic things done in camping. Stargazing.

I laid next to him on the picnic blanket that we had spread under us then covered myself with my blanket while Karl used the extra one I gave him since he didn't bring any.

My brain blanked out as I stared up at the starry night. It felt peaceful and quite inside, the voices forgetting about me completely. And it felt good.

"What did you wanna be as an adult when you were young Charis?"

The serenity was cut through by Karl's words. His voice was calm and airy. He sounded just as relaxed and carefree as me. His eyes were still fixed at the sky above as he voiced his question.

"What?" I turned my head, looking at him in slight confusion, his question settling in my brain a minute too late.

"Like," His voice got louder and he turned his head to look back at me. "when we were kids, we used to get asked a lot, by everyone, about what we wanted to be when we grow up. The years pass, we change and what we end up becoming is something completely different from the answer we gave as kids." He went on explaining. "So, what was your answer as a kid?"

By the time he was done, he had turned his body to the side, facing me fully and supporting his head up with his arm. I looked back at the sky and took in a deep breath.

"No laughing though."

"Of course."

I looked back at him and with the straightest face possible replied. "A husband."

"What?" Karl gaped out and I could see how hard he tried to contain his chuckle.

"Yes, a husband. I hate housework. I hate doing the dishes, I hate cleaning the rooms and cooking and such. I wanted to be a husband who went to work, came back to a clean house and a cooked meal ready for me to devour."

And Karl lost it. He fell back on his back in laugher, not expecting my answer at all.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You promised you wouldn't laugh."

"That's the stupidest thing I ever heard Charis!" He boomed in laughs. "Husbands help around in the house as well you know. And guess what, you guys actually calls us out on not doing the chores!"

"Well, I was a kid living on a farm. It was us women who did all the chores and the boys did nothing." I grumbled my excuse looking back at the sky. "The normal, old, eighties century household."

Karl went back to his sided position, recovering from his laughing session and even though he had no noise coming out of his throat, his mouth couldn't stop their spread across his face.

His head then turned to look back at me again. "If you ever found a husband in heaven, I promise to tell him to help out with all the chores." He chuckled mockingly and I stuck out my tongue at him.

"I don't think you'll be going to heaven at all with that nose of yours." I retorted and his hand slapped his nose in an instant.

"There nothing wrong with my nose."

"Like, what actually happened to it? Why's it so crooked?" I asked as I titled my head in a motion to have a better look.

"I fought a lot in school. An angry child who got his nose broken more times than he could count." Karl shrugged as his hand uncovered his nose and went back to lie on his side.

A minute passed in silence, the two of us gazing at the sky.

"What about you then Mr. serious and logical answer?" I inquired looking back at him.

Karl looked at me in a playful expression, his eyes glimmering.

"A belly dancer."

"What?" It was my turn to gape at his answer and in seconds I was forgiving Karl for laughing at my answer earlier because I was booming with his.

"What? It's a legit thing. There are a lot of male dancers out there!" Karl protested while I died of laughter. I clutched my stomach hard from the pain and tears rolled down my cheeks.

"I just...i just can't imagine you as a belly dancer!" I wheezed out. "The mysterious, handsome bachelor." Another fit hit me and I couldn't stop the chuckles.

"I'm not actually as mysterious as the media shows. I just have nothing to say to the paparazzi. Or anyone for that matter."

My laughing toned down, Karl's words greatly relatable.

I nodded my head in agreement. "Yeah, I know what you mean."

"Anything you write on social media goes viral and can actually be taken against you in ways you never imagine. The things you say in interviews."

"Yes, even a simple picture uploaded can lead to a million and one made up story and theory about you." I added.

"Exactly! So I keep quite on all these things." Karl agreed.

"Yeah. It's just too bothersome to deal with it all."

We both got back to our original positions facing the lit up sky above us. It got back to being quite until I broke it again.

I turned to my side and looked at Karl. My movement made him turn as well, ready to hear what I'm going to say.

"What's one thing you wanted to do but didn't put on the list?"

"What do you mean?" Karl voiced his confusion.

"For sure there's something you wanted to do but didn't tell me about." I elaborated in a duh tone.

"And how are you so sure that I have one?" Karl challenged.

"Because I do." I deadpanned as a matter of fact.

Karl breathed out with a smile. "Fine, you get that point."

"So, tell me."

"I wanted to see my mother." Karl almost whispered like he was afraid of voicing the words.

My eyebrows furrowed. "Penelope Hawke?"

Karl shook his head. "That's my father's trophy. We don't tell the media that though. I never once considered her my mother."

My eyebrows shot up in surprise at the revelation.

Not only me, but the whole world thinks that Penelope Hawke is Karl's mother and she aids that piece of information by how she talks about him on the media all loving and supporting like how a mother should.

But this. This is unexpected and I knew immediately that it was a serious and very sensitive topic.

"Is she...erm...I mean your real mother, is she...." I drawled out.

"I don't know." Karl replied. He turned back to look at the sky and for some reason I felt that he was just trying to subtly hide his face from me.

"My father kicked her out when I was a kid and I wasn't allowed to see her since. From that day we lost all contact. I don't even know if she's still alive or not."

My hand reached for his arm unconsciously, silently telling him it's okay.

Karl took in a deep constrained breath. "I always dreamt of the day I'll get to meet her again. Will she know me after all these years?"

"Of course she will Karl. You're her son. No mother forgets her child."

"I was only six Charis. It's been a long time and my face changed." He looked at me, his eyes holding too much sadness and pain to bear.

"That won't matter Karl. One thing I know for sure is that she never forgot about you. I'm sure she'll be as happy as you will be if you met again."

Karl turned back to the sky. "I don't know Charis."

"May I ask why?"

"Why what?" Karl re-questioned.

"Why did he kick her out?"

Karl took a minute to form his words properly. His eyebrows stuck and his jaw clenched. "Cause she didn't have money and couldn't make any." His sentence almost sounded like a growl. "When my father's company hit it off, he wanted to maintain a full image of wealth and from his point of view, my mother didn't fit in his canvas. My mother never worked a day in her life and she came from a middle class family. And my father wanted status and wealth. Penelope gave him that. The daughter of a senator with millions at her disposal. It was an easy choice."

And now I understood where his anger came from. He despised his dad for that.

I got up from my place and went inside the tent and began rummaging through my bag.

"What are you doing?" Karl asked from outside just as I found what I was looking for and emerged back into the wild.

I went back to my spot, sitting cross legged next to Karl who was now sitting up right as well.

I opened the piece of paper where our bucket list was and added another item at the end.

Find and meet Karl's mother.

"Charis no. Come on. I don't even know if she's still alive." Karl protested.

"And that's where the find part comes in Karl." I looked at him as I folded the paper back. "Let's just give it a chance okay. What's there to lose?"

Karl sighed deeply and ran a hand down his face. He collapsed back on his back, facing the sky once more.

I followed back to laying on my back as well.

"But if we found out that she doesn't want to meet me then we just leave. No persistence and we just act like it all never happened."

"Promise." I agreed but deep in my heart I knew I'd never allow that to happen.

A second passed, something Karl needed to ingest the new resolution we agreed upon.

"What about you?" He asked, his moment ending.

A smile spread widely across my face, stretching painful from side to side as the answer came to my mind.

I looked at Karl with, what I'm sure was a face shining brightly.

"I wanted to have a baby."

Karl didn't show any emotions of confusion like what I expected. Instead, he heard me out with an open heart.

"I always thought it would be nice if I had a child to call my own. Someone to call me mom and despite being the lazy ass that I am now, but I know deep down that I'll be doing anything and everything for that kid." I rambled on, my heart dancing in glee from the mere thought. "The cuddles, the bed time stories, fighting every night for them to shower before bed, the peanut butter and jello sandwiches for school, the crying, the yelling, all of it."

"And what happened?" Karl asked when I remained quite for a while.

Keeping my eyes fixed at the four stars shining side by side I replied; "I never had a serious relationship that lasted." I shrugged briefly. "And my last one was an absolute disaster. I gave up on finding a guy since then."

I turned to look at Karl's browns. "I even thought about adoption but then Nila's death happened and it all flew out the window. I lost everything after the incident and I wasn't going to put a child through any of that, especially that I myself didn't know where I'm standing in life anymore. Don't think orphanages will be very keen on giving a child to a murderer."

"So you decided to just commit suicide?"

I shook my head with closed eyes. "One of the reasons I didn't want to adopt was because I thought about committing suicide. How was I going to adopt and just leave him after it in a month or two."

Karl remained quite and I had nothing more to say. Wanting a child was something, even my therapist didn't know about. But with Karl, I felt more comfortable confiding in him since we'll both die soon with that secret anyways.

"Maybe in another life Charis." Karl said, turning my attention back to him. "Maybe in another life I'm still living with my mother and working as a belly dancer and you're married to your perfect match and raising a child or two together. Maybe in another life it's all good."

Karl's assumption warmed my heart at the possibility. I smiled a genuine and happy smile. Something I didn't do since the incident.

"Yes. Maybe in another life. I'd like to believe that."