I’ve felt completely empty inside, abandoned in a way. The only guy that I’ve ever loved is gone, and it was all my fault. If I had just stayed away from him when I slipped out of that hospital, Joel might still be alive. This is what it all came down to, though. Life was throwing me a curveball, and instead of stepping up to the base and catching it, I let it hit me right in the gut.
I felt soulless, like something inside of me was missing. I didn’t want to feel like this, breathe, or live, for that matter, but it wasn’t like I had much of a choice. The second that we got back to Nick’s place, he hasn’t let me out of his sight. Nick knew that all the things I said were a ruse to get him to leave Joel alone. He knew where I stood and how I truly felt about him, but
