At eighteen, I was at the limit of learning to have complete control over myself. We were training, and Elinor did not soften, did not yield, and demanded everything from me.
“It is not mechanical, Valentina. You do not become a machine overnight.”
“The memories scare me. Not knowing what will happen scares me. Thinking that my father might discover what we are doing scares me.”
“Fear is obscure. Fear blinds, freezes, and keeps you from taking the next step. Fear immobilizes you, puts collars and shackles on your body and your judgment. Ghosts appear in the dark. Destruction happens in the dark. That is why it is so frightening. As long as you face it that way, you will not move forward. You need to get used to it.”
“What do you mean?”
“Embrace it. Take it for yourself. It is hard to
