Rejected and Saved by my Alpha

8

LILY

No.

That was the very first thought that came to my mind when Marcus’s body broke into my personal space, when his hands touched my skin, when his lips crashed onto mine.

No.

All of it felt wrong – so incredibly wrong: I knew what it was like to be in a mate’s arms, what it was like to feel his skin against your own, and this … this was not it.

But this didn’t make sense – I had felt the bond snap, and even if it had been less intense, less mind-blowing and soul-crashing than the one I’d had with Connor, it definitely had been it.

This unknown man was my mate – I shouldn’t have been feeling like that. His touch should have felt right, comforting … but it did not.

My wolf, too, shook her head – she too felt strange, but couldn’t exactly understand why.

This isn’t right.

And the whole room that had erupted in cheers and congratulations from the moment he’d claimed me as his mate didn’t help.

I not only felt uneasy, but also cornered, and incredibly conscious of all the people staring at me, wondering why I wasn’t smiling and melting in his embrace, like any normal mate would’ve.

Marcus pulled away when I didn’t kiss him back, looking at me, confused.

“What is it?” he asked. His hand started to gently graze my arm, in what I identified as an attempt to soothe me, to put me at ease, but that only managed to make me want to retract even more.

Marcus looked at me, clearly expecting an answer, but I couldn’t muster one. Not with him so close, intoxicating me with his pheromones and his cologne, not with everyone staring at me in disbelief, and not with my mind racing and reeling, still trying to comprehend … everything.

I want Connor.

That was the only clear thought in my mind – the need to have my mate close. He’d always managed to comfort and steady me whenever I didn’t feel at ease, and it took all I had not to follow my instinct to sweep my gaze on the crowd to look for him.

He was not there. And he was no longer my mate.

The man in front of me was.

But I don’t want another mate.

“Okay, I see you’re a bit overwhelmed,” Marcus said with a small, charming smile, taking his hands off me and taking a step back, granting me some breathing room.

Finally, I was able to get some air into my lungs.

“My fault. I was just so eager to have finally found you,” he went on. “Guys, please, go on with the party, we had no intention of spoiling the mood”.

And with that order, the crowd around us cleared: everyone went back to the party, shuffling away to the dining room to open up and cut the cake – but I could still feel their scrutinizing eyes on me.

“You must be Lily – Damien told me about a girl he was hosting,” Marcus said, offering me another smile. “Nice to meet you, Lily – my name is Marcus”.

So saying, he extended a hand for me to shake, giving me the choice whether to do that or not.

Calm down, I imposed myself. You’re shocked right now. Just … be polite. Nothing is written in stone.

Albeit with some difficulty, I returned the smile and shook his hand.

“My pleasure”.

His grin widened, taking on a warmer hue, and he moved our joined hands towards the dining room, in an invitation to join the others.

Perhaps he’d understood I was a bit uncomfortable being alone with him.

“I hope you like apple pie”.

CONNOR – 3 DAYS LATER

It was late at night when I walked back into the master bedroom of my quarters, and, as had happened the nights before, pain struck me like a sledgehammer right in the chest.

I couldn’t yet fathom walking in there and not seeing Lily around – in the bed, sleeping, watching her favorite shows, or reading a book, waiting for me. For almost a year, that had been my life – it had revolved around her, had thrived on her presence in it.

Now that she was gone, everything seemed dull. Lifeless. Off.

And it was all my fault.

I let myself fall on the bed. It still had her scent – our scent, and I intended to keep it as it was for as long as possible.

It was one of the many reasons I hadn’t moved Jane in completely. I had given in to Willow and Robert’s demands to take her in and to, eventually, make an honest woman out of her, but … I wasn’t ready to let her sleep where my one, true love did – nor in the official Luna’s room, which had sparked a whole other argument. She had been upset by this, and even more so for being put into a guest room in the Alpha’s apartments, but frankly, I hadn’t cared.

It should’ve never come to this point – it should’ve never even started, honestly, but … here we were.

I couldn’t even remember clearly how it had started – if “started” was even the right verb to use: after all, Jane and I had been intimate only two or three times. There had never been an actual relationship between us – or feelings, for that matter: my heart had always belonged to Lily, and no one else. If only I had always hated Jane on her behalf, for all the things she’d put her through, and the pain of having betrayed her with her out of anybody else tore me apart.

The first time had happened after we’d both casually met at a bar and after way too many drinks. I couldn’t even remember the act itself – there was this big, black gap in my memory from the bar to me waking up in her bed, with her naked beside me. What I could distinctly remember about that morning, besides the shock and disgust, was how wrong it all felt – how I couldn’t even stand to see her, let alone let her touch me. And yet, whenever she did … my body reacted, and it seemed like I couldn’t stop myself from giving in to the act.

The other two times in which things had happened hadn’t been different – all she’d had to do was come around in my office and touch me for my body to just give in. It was like my mind detached from the rest of me whenever she was around, like a puppet maneuvered by its puppeteer.

That was how weak I, an Alpha, had been – and the one who’d had to pay the worst price for my weakness had been the one, true blessing life had ever given me.

I glanced at the framed picture on my nightstand – Lily and I on our very first date, having fun and being goofy together, and felt my heart break with renewed pain.

I couldn’t believe she was gone – that I had forced her to leave. At the moment, it had seemed like the best choice, the one that would grant us all the least pain: it was clear we couldn’t marry anymore, so I thought that constantly seeing each other would do nothing but keep the wound open … but I had regretted that choice, or the words with which I had severed our bond, in the very moment I had felt her leaving the pack lands.

I can’t live without her.

I had lost count of how many times, just that day, I had thought about asking Alex to contact her and bring her back. She was my light, the one thing I was sure of – nothing else mattered to me. I would have found a way to deal with Jane and the baby situation – I just needed to have my girl back.

But I knew she wouldn’t come back. Lily wasn’t meek and submissive – she was proud and prone to anger. She would never accept coming back to me and accept my excuses – she would never forget the humiliation I’d forced on her, no matter how sorry I was for that.

It was one of the many reasons I loved her.

I hope you’re ok, wherever you are, my love.

I couldn’t stand the thought of her being all alone in the world. Sure, I knew she could fend for herself, but … she was my mate, mine to protect and cherish.

No, not anymore, I bitterly remembered. I had severed that bond, that sacred thing – and thus, she was no longer mine.

I kicked off my shoes and got down on the bed. I was too tired for a shower that night – I just needed to sleep, and bask as long as I could in her scent.

Ping.

I groaned. Just when I was about to fall asleep, a notification rang through the room.

Huffing, I picked up the phone and unlocked the screen.

My guts froze when I realized the text was from Cassie – Lily’s best friend.

What reason could she have to text me?

Need to talk to you NOW. It’s extremely important. Meet me down in the kitchen.