A BILLIONAIRE'S DEVOTION

PART -7-

HAPPY READING

Kahdeem Emmerson POV

Two weeks later.

My alarm blares making me jolt abruptly from my sweet peaceful sleep. I throw my hand on the nightstand feeling around for my phone, I wasn't in the mood to move. I am home today, for the entire day and any day away from the office was a day I treasured my sleep. Frustrated I wasn't locating my device fast enough I groan.

Opening one eye, I spy for my phone.

Finally placing my hand on my phone, I quickly take it and swipe right switching it off. I close my eyes again thinking sleep will come again but nope it didn't.

My mind begin to think and that was a bad sign. I wouldn't be able to sleep again and worst off when my mind gets going I couldn't turn it off at all.

There goes my day of curling up in bed with my pullover and sweet, undisturbed sleep.

Laying here alone I look over at Edward's side of my bed and my stomach dips. Again he wasn't here and we hadn't talked much this week either. I was working on a divorce case mediating between a disgruntled couple who couldn't agree on anything. They had me back and forth all week, today sleep was all I craved.

Seeing all I saw this week was beginning to make me lose my patients and confidence in Edward similarly in our relationship.

All the love and appreciation he once showed went out the door the minute he got promoted. I am feeling so unappreciated, really unappreciated like he is taken my love for granted and I don't know how much more I can take. We don't do the things we used to do and he doesn't even say I love you too and I don't know where we stand or why I keep holding on thinking everything will go back to the way it use to be.

I need to admit and accept it for what it was but I couldn't give up quite this easily. I didn't want to start another relationship, I couldn't bring myself to start all over again. To put the same energy, love and support into another relationship. I do not want to do it, we just need time, it's what I keep telling myself. Time will change everything.

I guess things change, Edward got promoted three months ago and I feel as if I don't fit into his new status. Sometimes I feel like he is neglecting me for his career which had taken off recently. I know he wants to develop himself and lord knows he worked hard to achieve all he has now, he needs to keep at it to stay there. I can never fault him for that, for wanting success and being determined to get it. Lord knows we made a lot of sacrifices to get here but I wish it was like it was in the beginning. I wish he looks at me the same way, I long for those close nights, little spontaneous phone calls during the day and nights he wasn't sleeping over. The conversations that no one wanted to hang up from and those back rubs he shared so freely when I had a tiring day.

I miss him, I miss us...

It was becoming exhausting, to say the least, but I think we are worth the time and effort. There wasn't a point in arguing with him, he was never here to argue with. And the minute I complain which was over the phone usually, he gives the most encouraging renditions that make me feel bad for even saying anything. Most days I'm drained and mentally exhausted from it.

It's like an endless cycle, I wish would end. It wasn't good for my mental health especially not lately.

There is no point in laying here all day if I wasn't going to sleep again. Tossing my cover, I sigh, throw my legs off the bed and walk into the bathroom. I need a long hot bath to calm my senses and my nerves.

After a long, long bath and applying moisturizer to my skin, I feel a little better. Pulling on my blue bear Christmas long sleeve hoodie and blue yoga leggings I am ready to make breakfast as my stomach grumbles on cue.

Deciding I want blueberry pancakes and strawberry smoothies for breakfast I manoeuvre about the kitchen getting everything done. I fry two eggs sunny side up and walk into the living room with everything placed on a waiter.

I settle down in front of the television, putting the tray on the centre table. It's been a while since I binge watch any tv show or movie. I switch on the television and after flipping through series after series I decide to settle on Tampa.

Halfway through the first episode, I hear keys jingling at the door. He walks in and I pause the television looking up at him.

"Hi, you're home?" He says looking at me like I do not live here.

"Yes, I'm home. If you were here more often you'll know that," I answer without thinking.

"Sorry miss pretty, I am just about finished there," he says, moving towards me, he leans over kiss my forehead when I thought he was going to kiss my lips.

I grab his coat before he was able to pull away, easing it off his shoulders and pulling him down to kiss me.

"I'm here to collect a few things, Kahdeem can't this wait," he says not interested at all to see where I am going with this.

"Baby I miss you," I say getting up and kissing his neck.

"Kahdeem now is not the right time."

"When is the right time Edward? you're never here anymore. We never spend any time together, all I hear these days is you're working. Damn, I am working too and I make time for you always."

"How else are we to get married and buy a house Kahdeem?" He shouts in annoyance.

"You don't have to do it alone, that's why you have me, I am your partner here Edward."

"All you're doing right now is complaining and complaining, it isn't helping and I have to get going with all I have going on."

This man must be out of his damn mind.

"Edward, I'm not complaining, I'm telling you how I feel neglected. You aren't showing me any attention and I miss you. Lately, we haven't been the same at all. When you're here it's like I'm invisible, I still can't seem to see where I went wrong," I say as calm as I can trying not to aggravate matters.

"Sounds awfully lot like complaints when I'm telling you I'm working Kahdeem."

The uncertainty is pounding me and clouding my mind, who is this man. There is no way he could be who he says he is. He's wearing the same clothes, the same shoes and driving the same car but I don't know just who this is. It has to be someone else because my guy wouldn't ignore me, he would adore me. Not sure who this is, no hugs, no kisses, no goodbye nothing. Just looking at me saying nothing but his tone and action should be telling me something.

"Well I'm working too and I am telling you, you don't have to do it alone Edward." I look at him incredulous convince this is a stranger standing in my home.

"I am a man. That is what men do work, provide..."

"They also pleasure and protect their woman but I see where your important value lies," I say cutting him off

I pick up my tray, walking away to the kitchen. I clear my dish and begin to wash up without another word. Somehow for a smart man, he didn't get that a relationship works with two people and the further we float apart it is the hardest it will be to sail back. And the more we argue the more this man was making me angry. I cannot understand why he can't see or understand my point.

He walks up behind me, bracing one hand on the granite counter. "I'm sorry I will make some time for us this weekend," he whispers behind me.

"Edward please talk to me about what is going on. Baby, can't we work it out? Ever since your promotion you've been distant, isn't our relationship worth it, tell me, please. Tell me what is wrong we can fix it."

"Even when I'm trying to say I am sorry you're complaining woman. I did not come here to fight."

What the hell? Where did our wires get crossed? He will make some time for me? Am I this foolish to him?

Without another word, I fill a glass of water, turn out of his embrace and walk back to the living room, putting on my show again and ending our argument completely. He moves upstairs gets whatever he needs and walks out the door leaving me sitting here staring at the television.

Why am I still trying to make this work? Everything I say to this man ends in a fight, no matter how I try to force myself to think this is just a phase and it is just something we have to overcome, I want to believe that the love is still here and any minute now things will get back to normal. But the more I try the more my efforts are in vain and it is beginning to drain me mentally and emotionally.

Looking at the television, I couldn't focus on it again so I curl up on the sofa with a small throw over blanket and one of its cushions under my head. Still, it wasn't easy, I couldn't turn my mind off.

How can we be lovers if we can't be friends? We can't have a conversation.

How can we start over when the fighting never ends?

I sigh.

____

Sitting here wondering what he's thinking, nobody talking cause it usually turns into an argument so I'm sitting here waiting on a hug, one-touch or even a look was sending me into depression the way this man ignored me since being home. He didn't even reach out to hold me last night, he lives in his world and I just follow it seems. We fell into this place, so what the hell do we do now.

If he still needs me I wish I could hear him say. I sigh for the uncountable time this morning. "Why are you even home?" I ask aggravated and tired of being ignored.

"You said you wanted me home well here I am," Edward frowns and says annoyed, throwing his phone on the bed.

"Do you even want to be here?" I ask.

"I'm here aren't I and now you're being difficult," he says.

"I'm being difficult? Really," I look at him incredulously.

"When you're not complaining, you are being difficult Kahdeem," he says.

"Wow," I say in complete shock.

"What is it you want Kahdeem?"

"Do you still love me? is this love anyway?"

He runs his hand over his face, "yes, I wouldn't be here if I didn't, now tell me what do you want?"

"Look at us Edward, just look at us. There's no communication, how can we make love if we can't make amends."

"Is that what you want?" He puts his hand to his waist.

"I said we needed to spend some time together. Since you've been home you haven't even looked at me. You've been sitting here with your phone like I'm invisible and you're calling me difficult and complaining." I just don't get it.

"Incredulous," he whispers.

"You know what Edward, you're right," I say fed up. What's the point if we can't see eye to eye.

"Finally we agree on something," he says picking up his phone again and unlocking it.

"Thank you, enjoy your day," I say walking away.

"Where are you going?" He asks after me.

"Where I'm not difficult or complaining," I say walking out of the bedroom.

I am so over this at this point, the constant argument and the neglect. Is it too much to ask for a little attention for a cuddle here and there, god a dinner date or lunch, a proper conversation, for crying out loud is it too much to ask for? Damn.

God one sign that this is over and I need to move on. I can't keep going like this, I can't keep doing this to myself, showing up to work drained and without focus because my personal life is a mess. Not sleeping at night with this wall between us, not talking and he seems not to have a problem unless I start talking.

It has been one constant mistake after the other and twist in two weeks I sent the wrong case file and was called into my boss's office. This wasn't me, damn doesn't he want me. After everything, I sacrificed he doesn't want me?

It has been another two weeks of us pretty much the same way and nothing seems to be changing. Is it worth it if he isn't respecting me, giving me his time, reassuring me or the both of us aren't happy? What is the point if he isn't giving me what I need?

I sigh.

Walking out to the terrace my phone pinged and it was a three-way call from my best friends.

"We're going clubbing and you're not bailing on us this weekend," Chinell says the minute I place the phone to my ears. She knows I am in a funk and has been trying to get me out of this house every weekend since. They practically hate Edward for what we have been going through and they aren't fond of his behaviour towards me. Kendrick is convinced he has moved on and Chinell thinks the love has expired itself but I didn't want to move on and start over. I just didn't.

Every relationship is messed up but what makes it perfect is if you still want to be there when things really suck. I especially know this after handling over three dozen divorce cases in the past. Why can't I have what my parents had? Why was my own so hard?

"Hey, I'm not really in the mood for all that right now."

My dad used to look at my mom like she was the only woman on earth, spending all his free time showing her just how much she is the woman he wanted. Even on his death bed, he looked at her with complete contentment.

"Come on, come out with us. What's wrong? Everything alright?"

"Chinell I'm fine really, don't worry about me. I am fine, really I'm fine."

"You should stop saying that? Just stop saying you're fine when we know full and well no one is fine after saying fine all those times in one sentence," Chinell says.

"Don't worry about me you guys go and have a good time, I Will be fine here," I say.

"Leave her alone Chinell," says Kendrick on the third line. "The more you insist, the less likely she will come out with us," he adds.

"She should be out, it is the only way she will get over him and the more likely she will begin to heal,"

"Nothing has to be on our terms, let her heal how she wants. She will when she is ready. Take your time Kahdeem it will get better, he doesn't deserve you and I know you will feel better," he says.

"Ken if you try inviting her maybe she will come and we can all have a good time together and... she doesn't have to keep waiting on that looser," Chinell says.

"That is a big if, I don't want her to feel obligated. She will when she is ready, so give her some time." Kenny says.

Could you believe they called me...

"She needs to be out with the people who love her forgetting that jerk."

"Very original of you Chinell, jerk... really is that the best you can do," Kendrick says.

"I can be a lot worst but it isn't my aim to depress her right now," Chinell says.

"Why force her when clearly she doesn't want to go," Kendrick says.

"Alright, alright stop it you two. That is enough, I will go out tonight, I'm so tired of the bickering between you two."

"Yah! Good job Kenny, I love playing good cop, bad cop with you," Chinell cheers.

"Always does the job," Kendrick says.

"We are going to have such a good time," Chinell says and I roll my eyes.

"Get off my phone you two, I need a outfit," I say.

They laugh, "please look sexy for me honey we're picking you up too," Chinell says.

"See you tonight," I say cutting the call.

I do need a breather from Edward and the constant arguments. It is all we do when we are together and I am tired of it. I was especially tired of waiting upon him and hoping things will get better.

My phone pinged again and Reyon has been sending me constant good mornings and goodnights.

I never replied, I knew immediately it was him the minute the first text came in and it may be rude when all he said was a good morning beautiful, good evening and he only wanted to be my friend since he knows I have a man.

But somehow I didn't want to complicate things between Edward and me. It felt wrong wanting to say hi or how are you doing. Harmless- but it did feel wrong. After a month of no response and yet he was persistent.

I would be lying if I said I didn't look him up after he told me his name and I got the first text. How did he get my number to begin with?

He is a billionaire after all and I would be naive to think it would be that hard for him. He probably has my entire bio by now when I only Google searched him.

Reading his message I smile, laughing out like I was crazy to myself.

Good morning beautiful, hope your morning is as bright and gorgeous as your smile. And it's obvious you broke your thumbs and can't respond. I will imagine a smile instead of a reply.

I read it twice and still couldn't stop laughing, what is the harm in letting him know my thumbs aren't broken. Maybe we could be friends after all.

Good morning, thank you for the laugh I needed that but my thumbs are fine.

I smile walking back into my apartment.

"You're in a good mood," Edward says watching me walk back in.