The Alpha's Abused Mate

The Apology

Serena stared at herself in the mirror, wincing as she applied cream to her face. The bruise, which had only looked slightly purple last night, was now even bigger and more vivid, along with throbbing and painful. She looked like she was someone else, thought Serena absently, rubbing the cream in and hoping it might help to bring the purple colour to a more faded one. Then she applied makeup, trying to at least hide the bruise as best she could. But even then, it was still visible and she left it at that, heading out of the bedroom and grateful to see that Johnathon had already left for work early in the morning.

What was she going to do now? She could leave, it would be well within her right to do so, but her and Johnathon had only been married for a few months or rather, weeks. Plus, where would she go? She felt ashamed. There was no way she could tell Christina what had happened, she would kill Johnathon and the two of them would argue because of her. She had no parents having been an orphan and no family she could ask for help. She was literally stuck for options.

What if he came back, she thought, slightly panicked. What if she angered him again and next time it wasn't just a slap but something else? If he was willing to hit her once, then he would be willing to hit her again. She wrapped trembling arms around her mid section and hugged herself tightly, making her way to the kitchen and preparing herself some breakfast, which she ate automatically, wincing each time she opened her mouth to eat. Part of her was thankful at least, that she was on some form of birth control right now, because she didn't want to think how he would react if she got pregnant by accident. It would be another reason to anger him and she wouldn't want a baby to grow up in this kind of household.

Was she a coward? Would someone else in her position leave without thinking twice about it? But she loved Johnathon with all her heart and soul, always had. Could she really walk away from all of that? Leave everything behind when they had so many good memories together? The notion of leaving made her feel sick and she rushed to the bathroom, getting there just in time to puke up the contents of her stomach into the toilet bowl. She felt icky, but wasn't that to be expected with all the stress she was under and what happened?

She used a cold flannel to wipe her face and then hastily brushed her teeth, before going into the bedroom and selecting a new pair of pajamas to wear. She wasn't going anywhere today, she admitted to herself, not looking the way she was and she felt like a day of being in pajamas was called for. Screw Johnathon and what he thought about it. She didn't feel like making herself up any more than she had or dressing to please him.

Serena checked her wallet and paused, thinking to herself. She had some cash still in her purse and while it wasn't much, she suspected it might come of some use later on in the track. She didn't know why the thought had come to her, but she found a shoe and rolled the cash up, using an elastic band to hold it and put the money into the base of the shoe, where it couldn't be seen by prying eyes. It was an emergency stash, decided Serena, for a rainy day when she might need it. She had plans to build on it, make the sum larger and enough for accomodation if she ever needed it, or in case, god willing, she needed money for something Johnathon would not want his money to be used for.

Feeling slightly better, and more optomistic, Serena headed out of the room, now clad in her new pajamas and eyed the couch. It looked so inviting and she was damn sure not going to be cleaning today. She sat her bottom down, nibbling on her lower lip, watching the time go by with anxious eyes. Every time she heard a small noise near the front door she jumped, half expecting it to be Johnathon returning. She had no idea what mood he would be in when he came home and she found herself on tenterhooks, willing time to go more slower, every minute another minute closer to Johnathon coming home. She had left the house a slight mess, not wanting to clear the few bowls she had used while eating and they now scattered the bench top of the kitchen and the sink. There was a rumpled blanket on the couch that she had used to curl up inside of and now layed there beside her, for it was too warm to have it on. Her slippers lay on the floor by her feet and there was a magazine on the coffee table, along with a cold flannel, tissues which she had wiped her teary eyes with and also used to blow her nose. It was nothing like the clean, pristine house that Johnathon was used to. She told herself that she didn't care, that she would blow up at him if he so much as dared to question why she hadn't bothered to clean today, but it didn't stop her body from trembling and shaking violently on occasion. As it was she had puked several times today in her anxiety and her mouth tasted like vomit, even though she had brushed her teeth every time it had happened.

To her suprise, there was a knock on the door and she tentatively made her way to the door, body shaking, as she called out in a quivering voice. "Who's there?" If it was Johnathon then why hadn't he just used his key to come in.

"I have a special delivery for Serena" came a gruff voice.

Serena hesitated, debating internally with herself and then quickly unlocked the door and opened it, stepping back quickly. A delivery man dressed in trousers and shirt held the most enormous bouquet of roses that Serena had ever seen in her life and he offered them to her. In awe, she took hold of them, sniffing their delicious perfume and loving the brightness of the various colours.

"Thank you" she whispered to the delivery man, who appeared to be in shock, his eyes staring at the bruise on her face. She blushed and began to close the door.

"Enjoy your delivery" came the hoarse voice of the delivery man and then she heard his soft footsteps disappearing from the doorway.

Serena admired her flowers, turning them every which way as the colour shimmered at her underneath the lights. She spotted a card and grabbed it, placing the flowers reluctantly on the kitchen counter top as she began to read. It was from Johnathon.

Dearest Serena

I know that what I did last night to you was unforgiveable and I am deeply ashamed of my actions. I know that I hurt you and that's what hurts me the most. I can't get the look in your eyes or the words I spoke to you out of my mind. You deserve a far better husband than me and I'm sorry for everything. I can promise that it will never happen again. Please don't leave until we have a chance to talk.

Johnathon xxx

Serena was thoughtful as she put the card next to the flowers, before finding a vase in the kitchen. She placed the flowers, lovingly inside and gave them some water, before she put her head in her hands and began to think. Johnathon's apology seemed sincere enough, and the flowers were beautiful. Maybe last night had been a one off and it would never happen again? She so desperately wanted to believe that. It didn't make what he had done any less hurtful, but she wanted to make the marriage work and if she left, then she would be abandoning both him and the marriage. What did that say about her?

This time a key sounded in the lock and her body tensed as Johnathon came slowly walking in, another bouquet of flowers in his hands. He looked tired, drained, big dark circles under his eyes. His eyes slowly lowered to meet her own and he looked sheepish and ashamed of himself, as he quietly held the flowers out to her. She took them, her eyes never leaving his, inhaling the smell of more roses, the smell overpowering the room with its perfume. She loved it, placing them on the kitchen countertop and turning around to look at Johnathon, who was running a shaking hand through his hair.

"Can we talk" he said softly and she nodded, biting her lip and wincing.

He frowned. "Look about last night" he said quietly.

"What you did was unforgiveable" Serena interrupted him, her voice shaking as she stammered "no matter how much we might argue, you should never have hit me. You used your hand on me Johnathon and then acted like it was nothing."

"I know" he said softly, his hand reaching out to touch her as she flinched "I never should have slapped you and I couldn't sleep last night because of it. I thought you would throw me out if I tried to enter your room so I left you in peace this morning and went to work. But I haven't been able to eat all day, I've been sick at the thought of what I did to you" he exclaimed, putting a hand to his heart.

"You're lucky I didn't leave" Serena told him evenly, folding her arms across her chest and glaring at him.

Johnathon swallowed hard. "I know and I wouldn't have blamed you if you did Serena. After, that, I almost thought you would have been gone by the time I made it home."

She blinked back tears, not wanting to give him the satisfaction of seeing them fall. "I had nowhere to go."

He stiffened, realizing the truth of her words. "Oh god, Serena I'm so so sorry" he said thickly. He then did something that shocked her on got on both his knees. "I'm begging you to forgive me for what I did. It was wrong. I should never have touched you like that or said the things I did in the argument. I'm not perfect Serena, I'm flawed, but you make me a better man. Please, for the love of god" he pleaded "forgive me and don't leave. Let's make this marriage work. We can do it, if we work together."

She shook her head slowly and he deflated, before she spoke "I'm willing to stay and work on this, but Johnathon, you really hurt me" she explained slowly "and you have to promise that this will never happen again. That you won't lay a hand on me, the next time we both argue."

"I promise" Johnathon said hastily, but she put up a hand to halt him in his tracks, when he would have gotten up.

"I'm not saying I forgive you right now, because I don't. You've put me through hell and some flowers aren't going to fix this. Do you understand me?"

"I understand" Johnathon said humbly, before slowly rising to his feet as Serena watched him carefully. He reached out for her and this time Serena mellowed and let him hold her, sniffling on his shoulder as he hugged her tight to his body. He was so strong, so muscled and Serena swallowed hard as she began to feel a bit more optimistic about the future.

"It will never, ever happen again" vowed Johnathon, murmuring it in her ear "you have my word Serena."

She heard his words and stupidly, naively, she believed him completely. How stupid, she was.