One: Where Are You Going, Mom?
Pan POV
“Pan!” The shrill cry of my mother’s voice echoed through our rundown, peeling walls. I sighed, sliding my homework under my pillow before making my way down the broken stairs that had needed fixing for the last fifteen years. As I descended, I could hear my mother talking on her phone, laughing with whoever was on the other end. “God, we’re gonna have so much fun, Derek!”
I felt my heart sink. Derek was back again. Her on-again, off-again boyfriend who I was pretty sure was a drug dealer. Here he went again, promising her the world when he couldn’t even afford to give my mother money for food.
I entered the living room, the old floorboards creaking under my weight. “You called for me, Mom?”
My mother quickly hung up with her shady boyfriend and flashed me a wide grin. “Derek got me tickets to a cruise!” she exclaimed, bouncing up and down like a child on Christmas morning.
My eyes widened, a heavy pit of anxiety instantly settling in my stomach. “A cruise? Mom, you gave birth to Lora only eight weeks ago. Isn’t she a little too young to go on a cruise?” I watched as my mother dragged an old suitcase from behind the sofa. A mountain of clothes was already piled on the cushions, and she immediately began sorting through them, hastily stuffing items into the bag. “Mom?”
She huffed, annoyed that I wasn’t just letting it go. “Lora isn’t coming with me. She’s staying here with you. It’s not a big deal, okay? I’m only gonna be gone for two weeks.” Once the suitcase was full enough, she slammed it shut and violently tugged the zipper closed.
“Two weeks?” I practically shouted. “What about us? What about Lora?” I pointed frantically toward the ceiling, where Lora lay asleep in her bassinet tucked away in my mother’s room. “What about food, rent, utilities? What, Derek can take you on a two-week cruise but he can’t provide for his daughter you just gave birth to?”
My mother pulled her suitcase off the sofa and dropped it onto the middle of the living room floor with a heavy grunt. “Don’t be so hard on him, Pan. He’s just in between jobs right now. He finally caught a break and wants to spend some quality time with me before he goes to work full-time. Can’t you just be reasonable?”
I pinched the bridge of my nose and threw a hand on my hip, my stomach doing flip-flops while my blood boiled. “Mom, it’s hard to trust a guy who broke up with you the second he knocked you up, leaving us struggling to even keep the lights on. How do we know this is legit? How do we know he’s not just going to abandon you at the next port?” I looked into her green eyes, hoping for… I didn’t even know. Anything other than that blissfully love-struck gleam.
She skipped over to me and grabbed my hands tightly. “Things are gonna be different this time, baby, I can just feel it,” she whispered.
I knew I couldn’t win this. She was too deep in whatever hollow promises he had spun her. I was just going to have to accept whatever consequences came next. I groaned, pulling my hands away. “Whatever. Just two weeks, right?”
2 years later
I wiped down the tables and chairs while Gloria swept up the stray confetti and popped balloons, muttering an angry grumble about children's birthday parties. I smiled, humming in agreement as I scrubbed a stubborn, sticky patch of juice from one of the plastic chairs before tucking it away neatly.
“Gloria, I’m all done with the seating area. Do you need me to help with anything else?” I called out, walking over to the bar to tuck the cleaning supplies away underneath.
Gloria waved me off. “Go home, girl. You’re already, what, an hour and a half late to pick up your baby?” She gave me a sympathetic smile before shooing me again. “Go home, sweet cheeks. We’ll see ya tomorrow morning. Blair called off again, so you’re in for a double.”
Of course Blair had called off again. “Why is she still on the books if she can’t even show up?” I asked, annoyed, as I grabbed my backpack from behind the counter. “She works maybe two or three shifts a week and cancels the rest.”
Gloria glanced around the empty bar and gestured for me to come closer. I leaned over the counter as she whispered, “Between you’n’me, sweet cheeks, I think she’s boinking the manager.”
My eyes widened. “Damn. That would explain why they always have the same weekends off.”
“I’m glad I’m not the only one who sees it.” Gloria and I giggled through our small gossip session before she glanced down at her watch. “Now get going. Your baby misses you.”
I nodded with a warm smile. “Bye, Gloria. See you tomorrow morning.”
I stretched my stiff neck as I walked down the street. The steady chirp of crickets offered a strange comfort as the heavy, warm summer air settled around me. Your baby misses you. When I first started at the Midnight Lady bar, I’d had to bring Lora along to the interview because I couldn’t find a sitter. Gloria had completely gushed over her chubby cheeks and those beautiful chocolate-brown curls paired with bright green eyes. I never corrected Gloria—or anyone else—when they assumed Lora was mine. I suppose I didn’t want to. To correct them meant explaining my mother, and I didn't want to think about her anymore. Besides, I was the one raising Lora. She was my baby.
Up ahead, a familiar broken streetlamp flickered incessantly, signaling that I was only five minutes away from home. I’ll be home soon, Lora.
A sharp twig snap shattered the quiet, and my head whipped toward the sound. To my left was a narrow, dark clearing between two rundown houses, and just beyond that, maybe twenty feet away, lay the dense edge of the forest.
Suddenly, the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. A primal, suffocating dread washed over me, leaving me feeling entirely like prey caught in a predator's crosshairs. My eyes darted from the flickering streetlamp back to the tree line. My mind had to be playing tricks on me, but through the shadows, I swear I saw something massive moving closer.
Adrenaline slammed into my veins. Pure instinct took over, and I bolted.
I ran faster than I ever had before, my sneakers slapping hard against the uneven pavement as I dodged trash cans and shadows. My heart hammered violently against my ribs, the sound of my own ragged breathing loud in my ears. I didn't stop until I burst onto my front porch.
I leaned against the door, gulping in huge chunks of air as I stared back at the dark street. I stood there for what felt like hours, watching and waiting, until the erratic beating in my chest finally slowed to a steady rhythm and the heavy sensation of being watched vanished into the night.
Exhaling a shaky breath, I unlocked the old, creaking front door. It pushed open with its usual heavy groan of protest. Inside, the living room was dimly lit, and I could see my best friend Kita asleep on the sofa, one leg dangling off the edge and an arm thrown over her eyes as she softly snored.
I chuckled quietly, locking the door behind me and setting my bag down. Steering clear of the loudest floorboards, I snuck past her and tiptoed up the stairs. At the first door on the right, I gently pushed it open. Inside the old crib—a generous hand-me-down from Mrs. O’Connor next door—lay Lora, her breathing deep and even.
A wave of fierce relief washed over me. I smiled, quietly closing her door, and slipped into my own bedroom right next door. I quickly stripped down to my underwear, threw on an oversized t-shirt, and collapsed onto the mattress. The second my head hit the pillow, I let the exhaustion take over and surrendered to sleep.