BITTER PILL:CANTALOUPE

CHAPTER 7*LIFE ISN'T FAIR*

Trevor was in pain, the type if someone asked you to explain you wouldn't have a straight answer to. Even as he broke the speed limit to get to Riley's house, his heart constricted repeatedly as his mind went over what he heard few minutes in school..

He wanted to believe this was a dream and he would wake up from it, because to Trevor there is no way this is truly happening, Riley can't be dead, it just can't be true.

He was the reason Trevor dealt with his loss, the hope Trevor held onto even when the loss of his mother almost broke him. The thought that if he deals with the pain, he would someday be fit enough to see Riley again, to make Riley happy. That thought kept him going over the last five months, even if he had negative thoughts that overrides his minds.

That bit of hope to see Riley again, kept him pushing against the darkness and now he comes back to hear that Riley is dead?

Trevor didn't even think of turning off the engine as he dashed out of his car and ran straight for Riley's house door, banging on it like a maniac.

"God please, please. Please let this be a lie. Please."

The young male didn't even know he was crying as he bang desperately on the door for someone to open up to him.

"Riley, please open the door. I know you are in there and this is a prank. I am sorry, sorry for going away for too long. Please answer the door, I am back now and I swear, I would go nowhere unless it's you and I. Please open the door."

Trevor was screaming, and he didn't even know it, he wasn't sure if he even heard his own voice, all that matter at the moment was getting Riley to open the door.

"Riley, please, stop this. Please."

He was crying, hysteric tears that wouldn't stop. Trevor didn't mind Riley seeing him crying like a baby. He just wanted to see the boy, that was all he wanted. 

All he begs for, but why won't Riley open the door, even if he doesn't invite him in, Trevor doesn't mind, he just wants to see Riley, to confirm that he heard wrong and that Riley was still alive. 

Just one moment. 

"Young man, you are disturbing the neighbours. What do you want?"

Trevor's neck snap to the side as he heard the voice of an elderly man.

"I am so sorry, please. Is Riley home, do you know if he traveled out of town with his parents? I just want to know if he traveled, please."

The old man who looks to be in his seventies sighed at the questions from Trevor and he held sympathy in his eyes for the boy. 

"I guess you've not been in the neighbourhood. The Corketts youngest son is dead, it was a devastating news, but he killed himself after the viral video and his parents fining out he likes boys. May his soul rest in perfect peace."

The old shakes his head as he walks up to his porch, and Trevor stumbled. 

So it was true all along? Riley was really dead. While he stayed back in Nashville, drowning in alcohol and leading a pathetic life, Riley was going through the worst times of his life and he committed suicide.

"No."

Trevor mumbles, stumbling away from the door while shaking his head. No, it can't be true. The young male kept chanting the words as he walked away from the house, his car, and he stumbled along the road. 

Trevor couldn't tell where he was heading exactly, but he just kept walking, while his brain processed all the information he just heard, his Riley was truly dead.  

Trevor continued his walked for hours until he stopped at the bridge connecting the two halves of the community and he stopped, turning to the lake and Trevor let out a blood coiling scream.

"You promised. You promised you bastard, why did you do it. Why? Why?" Trevor screamed at nothing as he lets out a heart wrenching cry.

The boy was in pain and nothing, nothing at this moment, can stop or end it. His heart constricts as he screams again and he slumps against the bridge railing, weeping like a child. 

"Please, come back. I can't do this.., (hiccup) I am not so strong. Please come back to me. Please. I would change. I'll be a good boy. Please Riley. Please."

The weeping boy didn't even understand the words he was saying, his desperation to have Riley back overshadowed his clear mind of reasoning as he begged shamelessly for this to be a dream.

It had to be a dream, he couldn't just have lost Riley, like that, first it was Skylar, then his mom and now Riley. Trevor doesn't understand what he did wrong, where he went wrong. Why was the universe doing this to him, this is the worst kind of punishment anyone could ever experience in their life? 

What did he do in his past life to deserve such pain, losing three people that meant the world to him?

"Please bring him back. Take me, please. Riley deserves this life more than I do. Please, Universe. God. Whatever deity is out there, please bring back my Riley. Please, I'll give my life for him."

At this very moment, Trevor would gladly trade his life to just have Riley back, but he knows. He knows that will never happen. 

He is not a child to not know, that nobody comes back from the dead. Miracles don't happen, only life happens and Trevor had to learn this the hard way. The bitter way. 

Hours of crying by the bridge, yet not one response did he get, his screams all fell on deaf ears. Even though Trevor is old enough to know crying wouldn't bring Riley back, the pain in his heart wouldn't let up.

Life isn't fair to some of us. 

No, Trevor truly understands the meaning behind that sentence. He once heard Riley mumble the words to himself, he didn't know this is what Riley meant, because life truly isn't fair to him right now. How is he supposed to heal from this? How can he just bounce back from this and move on with his life?

How?

Tired of screaming at nothing, Riley stands up, not trusting himself if he goes back to Riley's home, he continues on his trek down the bridge. Even if he takes forever, Trevor plans to walk all the way back to the motel, although he hopes he would slump and die of exhaustion along the way.

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It's been four days since Trevor locked himself in his motel room, with no will to do anything. He still hasn't gone back to Riley's home to pick up his car. The only person he had tried reaching with the motel phone was his uncle, whose line wouldn't connect. 

Trevor concluded his uncle was already at his mission and for the past four days the young boy had nothing but alcohol, that is what he keeps ordering from the motel. Alcohol, even the receptionist is getting worried over someone she doesn't know. 

Sleep has become his enemy, although he has not the will to sleep but his body wants rest and when he does the mistake of falling asleep, he keeps seeing the drenched image of Riley in his sleep. 

It's as if he is at take lake, every night watching as Riley lungs his body down the bridge and he is just standing there, unable to help the boy. This recurring dream has kept Trevor awake through the night and even during the day.

Today, like every other day, Trevor began the day with his normal alcohol routine, midday, the boy got dressed and stepped out of the motel for the first time since the news hit him.

He doesn't know why, but he hoped he would go home and see his father, perhaps he could provide him comfort, from this never ending, or maybe he would miraculously meet Skylar at home. They were all wishes he hoped would come true, but he knew life wasn't a fairytale. 

Despite acknowledging this, Trevor still boards the bus that runs through their side of the community and in no time, he was standing in front of the building he was called home. 

It looked lifeless, even without stepping in, Trevor knew coming here was a waste of time. He shouldn't have, he should have just remained in his motel room, wallowing in his pain. 

As he stood before the door, his eyes traveled to the overflowing mailbox and his memory backtracks to when his mother was still alive. 

"If mom was here, this wouldn't be overflowing with mails."

Before Trevor could stop himself, he was already walking towards the box and he retrieved all the envelopes in it, holding it in his hands, but one stood out. One of those letters had dried bloodstains on it, and Trevor dropped every other letter in his hands, including that one. 

His fingers trembled as he tore the envelope open and he pulled out the single piece of paper in it. Even as he opened the paper, his eyes already had unshed tears, but the words on the paper were his last resolve.

"EVEN IN DEATH, I'LL STILL HATE YOU FOR EVERYTHING YOU DID TO ME."

The words were written in bold letters, and the paper slipped from Trevor's hands. The boy stumbled. He knew who wrote that. He knows that handwriting. It was Riley. Riley wrote that to him before he died. 

Riley died hating him, does were the only thoughts his mind could process as tears burned down his cheek. Riley hates him. How can he continue to live, breathe this air, knowing this?

How? He doesn't deserve this freedom, this air, and Trevor knows it. He knows.

Trevor blinks, with a final resolve of what to do, even if it doesn't end his pain he deserves it, but before he does this, there is something he needs to retrieve. 

Trevor wiped at his tears as he fumbles with opening the door, once he unlocked the door, he stalks into the house trying his best to ignore everything he was seeing as he heads for his room, to take just that one item. 

With the item in his hands, Trevor sighs, and he nods.

"I don't deserve the life."

He lets the tears freefall this time as he makes his way out of the house, once at the doorstep he turns to look at the house one more time and his heart wrenched, realising this is the last time he'll be seeing the one place that held so many memories for him. 

If he wants to do right by Riley, Trevor knows this is the best Riley broke his promise, so why does he have to keep this miserable life when there is nothing to live for anymore?

His life worths nothing, holds no meaning to him anymore and Trevor came to terms with his final decision, even if it won't bring back Riley.