The Second Hand Luna

IRIS Six years. Six years was supposed to be long enough to start a new life and leave the past behind. I had never planned to come back, yet in thirty minutes, I would come face to face with that past. When I left, I did so because I had no reason to stay. There had been no place for me in the pack or in my family. The ring on my finger caught the light as I adjusted my grip on the steering wheel. I glanced down at it. It was a reminder of the life I had now. A real one with everything I had wanted. I was now Iris Zorya, award-winning songwriter. I had a career, friends and above all a fiancé waiting for me back home. A wonderful human man who loved me. I exhaled slowly and forced my shoulders to relax. I was going to be here for only a few hours. Then I would get back in my car and drive away and this time I would never return. Today, I was cutting the last thread that tied me to my past. I had told Leo, my fiance, I was an orphan. The lie had served me for the last six years. The lie had been easy because it felt true. My parents died years ago, I had told him on our first date four years ago. I have no siblings and no relatives. It was easier than explaining a pack that never wanted me and a sister who had been everything I wasn’t. After today, the lie would finally be true. I swallowed hard as the sign came into view. NELION PACK TERRITORY My wolf, Zorya, stirred uneasily beneath my skin. Turn around, she urged, pacing. We don’t belong here. She remembered everything. Every insult. Every comparison. Every time we had been left behind while Elara was praised and adored. “I know,” I murmured. “We are not staying.” It was just for a few hours. That was all. I hadn’t even known my twin sister was sick, not until it was too late. She had tried to reach me. I remembered all the calls I had ignored. In.sta.gram messages I hadn’t opened. I had told myself I was protecting myself. That seeing her would only tear open wounds I had spent years healing. That was until I had seen her obituary in the newspaper. Elara Blackwood, beloved Luna of the Nelion Pack. There was a photo of her laughing, her arm linked through Ronan’s. She looked radiant and loved. Everything I had never been. My eyes had skimmed the article in disbelief until they reached the final line. Survived by her parents, Gareth and Rhea, and her loving sister, Iris. Loving sister. Those very words were my undoing. I hadn’t expected to be mentioned at all. I had assumed I would be erased, the way I always was. Instead there staring in my face was the proof that even in death, she had chosen to be kind. Guilt was such a powerful thing. It was why I was now on my way to a funeral I had no right to attend. The pack gates came into view and further ahead were the funeral grounds which were already crowded. I was already late. Every head turned the moment I stepped out of the car and so did the whispers. Is that? Why is she here? I thought she left for good. How does she look like that? How dare she show her face now? I kept my gaze forward, even though I felt like the girl they remembered. Every instinct in me screamed to look down, to hide behind my hair, to avoid their stares and be the invisible Iris they knew. A hand touched my arm and I flinched. I looked up to see Phoebe, my sister’s best friend. Her eyes were red and her smile was soft and sad. “You came,” she said quietly. I nodded, not trusting my voice at that moment. She pressed a folded paper into my shaking hand. It was the eulogy. I took my place at the back, as far from everyone else as I could get. I didn’t deserve to stand closer, among those who were truly Elara’s family. I didn’t dare to look around. I didn’t look at the casket or even my parents. The discomfort started slowly. At first, I thought it was nerves. Just anxiety. What followed was an itch beneath my clothes. My lungs felt tight, like the air was thick around me and I was struggling to pull it in. And then I felt it. A stare. It was not curious like the others. It was heavy and demanding my attention. I turned slowly, searching the person out until my eyes landed on him. Ronan. My twin sister’s husband. The pack Alpha. When his eyes met mine, the world tilted as my wolf howled. Mate.Mate. MATE! “No,” I whispered. No. It wasn’t possible. It couldn’t be. Ronan was hers. He had been hers. The Moon Goddess could not be that cruel, but I could feel as the bond snapped into place. Ronan’s eyes locked onto mine and I knew that he felt the pull of the bond too. I tore my gaze away, as my nails dug into my palms. This wasn’t happening. We do not have a mate. We do not want one. We already had someone. We already had a life. The rest of the ceremony was a blur for me as I could barely concentrate. The moment it ended, I turned and ran. I didn’t stop until I reached my car, fingers shaking as I yanked the driver’s door open.I fumbled with the keys as my hands were shaking so much I dropped them thrice. Just as I had slid the key into the ignition a growl sounded behind me and I froze. “Mate.” Gasps rippled through the crowd that had followed him and I saw my mother’s hand fly to her mouth. I watched as the pack's faces turned from grief to horrified in a heartbeat. He was my twin sister's mate. He was their Luna's Alpha, and now he was impossibly mine too. In seconds Ronan’s hand slammed against my door holding it open. “Were you just going to leave?” he asked. His voice was doing things I didn't want it to do. It was like a gentle caress and the bond snapped tighter and I felt a longing so deep and desperate inside me. All I wanted was to jump into his arms and never let go but I couldn’t. His scent then reached my nose and all I wanted was to drown in it. It was the smell of pine. I didn’t turn. I couldn’t. “Let go of my door, Ronan.” “Wow! You were going to leave without saying a word?” he asked, sounding baffled. “Yes.” I replied though my voice trembled. “I came. I paid my respects. That’s all.” “You felt it.” It wasn’t a question and I fought the need to turn and look at him. I thought of Leo, of my ring and the future that was waiting for me outside of the pack. “Iris.” The way he said my name, it was everything I had once dreamed of hearing and everything I could not allow myself to want. Not now and not ever. “No.” I turned to face him fully and was met by his stormy grey eyes which were bloodshot. He was still grieving, I could see it. I was going to hurt him further but I had to. “Don’t say my name like that.” I pleaded. “I will not do this to myself, to her or to them.” I said my voice breaking. I knew this bond was not what he wanted or the pack members behind him. I would be the strong one and do what was right and necessary. I clenched my fists. “I, Iris Zorya,” I said, the words tasting bitter in my mouth. I could feel every cell in my body protest against them, “reject you, Ronan Blackwood, as my mate and my Alpha.” I looked up at Ronan pleading. He needed to release us from this nightmare. Even as the pain exploded through my chest I forced myself to meet his eyes. My wolf screamed, clawing at my insides, begging me to take the rejection back. The bond recoiled inside me, writhing while waiting for his acceptance to sever it cleanly. Ronan only stared. His gaze moved from my face to the ring on my finger and the silence stretched out between us thick and suffocating. “And I, Ronan Blackwood, Alpha of Nelion Pack, reject your rejection.” I stared at him as my world stopped and right then I wished I had never come back.