I begin to notice how often my thoughts orbit men.
Not in a way that’s obvious at first. Not longing or regret or desire, not even conflict. Just gravity. A subtle, habitual curve of attention that keeps pulling my awareness back into the same lanes, even when nothing new is happening there.
Caleb’s suspicion.
Derek’s absence.
The way both of them occupy space in my mind without being present in my body.
I don’t like it.
The realization arrives mid-morning while I’m lacing my boots, fingers moving automatically as my thoughts drift somewhere else entirely. The room is quiet except for the faint creak of the floor as someone passes down the hall. Light spills in through the window, pale and unassuming. Nothing about the moment is charged.
And yet my attention isn’t here.
I catch mys
