BRIANNA

19. WHAT DO YOU THINK OF JC?

BRIANNA'S POV

Despite the silent promise I made to myself earlier this morning to avoid looking at JC, my resolve crumbled as soon as I stepped into the classroom. It was almost instinctual, like my head turned of its own volition, and before I could stop myself, I glanced over my shoulder.

It was a mistake, a rookie one at that because his eyes caught mine instantly. His smirk was quick, a flash of confidence that only served to amplify my embarrassment. Heat crept up my neck, and I whipped my head back toward the board, silently cursing myself for giving him that satisfaction.

I tried to focus on the lesson, but my mind was a scattered mess. Every word the teacher said felt like static in the background as I fought the urge to glance back at him. What was it about JC that made it so difficult to ignore him? It wasn’t just his looks, though there was no denying how striking they were.

It was something else, something deeper, like an invisible pull that made me want to figure him out, to unravel whatever secrets lay behind that smug expression of his. Even as I kept my eyes trained on the board, I could feel his gaze on me—intense and unwavering. It was like a challenge, daring me to look back, and resisting it was becoming a battle I wasn’t sure I could win.

The class dragged on unbearably, each minute feeling like an eternity. I could almost hear the tick of the clock, each sound amplifying the weight of his stare. By the time the bell finally rang, I felt like I’d been holding my breath for the entire hour. Sarah nudged my arm, breaking the spell, and I quickly gathered my things. Relief washed over me when I remembered that our next class didn’t include JC. At least I’d have one hour to clear my head and recalibrate.

As we made our way to our next class, Sarah broke the silence. “I need to tell you something,” she began, her tone light but tinged with a hint of regret. “I’m going to see my mom this weekend, so I’ll be gone until Monday morning. You can do whatever you want while I’m away—I know you don’t have any friends here yet, but maybe there’s something you’d like to do on your own.”

I smiled at her attempt to soften the news, even though it wasn’t necessary. “It’s okay, Sarah. I’ll be fine. You don’t need to feel bad about it.”

She sighed, looking relieved but still a little apologetic. “It’s just that this is your first weekend here, and I hate leaving you alone. But my mom called last night, and she made it clear this is the only weekend she’ll have free before her project starts. I tried to tell her you’re new here and need company, but…” She trailed off with a shrug, her expression apologetic.

I don’t get why she is apologising for it though. It’s not her responsibility to keep me company. I understand that as her friend, she feels the need to look out for me but we have only been friends for less than two days if you can even say that. She shouldn’t feel obligated to make up for things beyond her control, and I almost felt like telling her that, but I didn’t want to risk making her feel worse. Instead, I chose to reassure her as best as I could.

“I understand. If I could go back to North Adams and visit my mother, I would. It’s only been three days since I saw her but I miss her already, though I feel it’s because I’ve never been away from her for this long.” I offered her a small smile, hoping to lighten the moment, though deep down, my words were genuine. The ache of missing my mother was more profound than I’d anticipated, and saying it out loud felt both relieving and strangely unsettling.

“I’ve been thinking about that actually. She did promise that she was going to visit me, but I think that’s going to be next weekend. She just got a new job and will be getting two days off then. Being with her means a lot to me and I guess it’s the same for you. Spending time with your mother, I mean.” My voice trailed off as I glanced at Sarah, wondering how she would respond.

She chuckled lightly, her laughter carrying a mix of fondness and exasperation. “I understand. I guess it is, even though sometimes it feels like a chore. My mother can be quite a handful when she wants. I don’t get why people like her so much. I mean, the woman can be lovely when she wants to, but she can also be mean when she feels like it.”

“What do you mean?” I found myself asking, curiosity piqued despite my initial hesitance. There was something in the way she spoke about her mother that made me feel like there was more to their relationship than she was letting on.

She shrugged, her expression thoughtful. “It’s hard to explain. My mom is like… this perfect image to the world. Everyone thinks she’s amazing, and she is in so many ways. But she’s also someone who expects a lot from me, sometimes more than I think I can give. At home, she’s different. It’s not like she’s outright mean, but she’s demanding. There’s this unspoken pressure to be just like her—or better, even. And when I’m not, it’s like I’ve let her down, even if she doesn’t say it outright.”

Her words hit closer to home than I expected. I thought about my own mother and how much I relied on her support and warmth. “That sounds really hard,” I said softly, unsure of what else to say but feeling the need to acknowledge her struggles. “I guess every parent has their expectations, but it’s not always easy to live up to them.”

She nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “Exactly. But hey, that’s life, right? You take the good with the bad.”

“Forget about my mother; tell me about what you plan to do this weekend. Don’t tell me you’re going to be watching Netflix all weekend.” Sarah’s teasing tone pulled me from my thoughts, her playful smirk making it clear that she expected a proper answer. I tried to suppress my laughter, but it bubbled out regardless because, truthfully, that’s exactly what I planned on doing—watching Netflix, eating, and sleeping. It wasn’t the most exciting plan, but it was what I knew. My weekends had always been simple and predictable, spent with my parents, and later just my mom after my dad passed away. I had no clue what other people did during their weekends, especially in a city like this.

Sarah’s laughter joined mine as she noticed my reaction. “It’s okay. You don’t have to be embarrassed,” she said reassuringly, her voice warm and understanding. “If Lyla didn’t go anywhere without her train that she calls friends, I would have asked her to keep you company. My cousin is great when she’s alone, but I know if I were to ask her to come to the penthouse, she’d talk to her friends, and they’d make sure that your weekend is anything but peaceful.”

Just the thought of spending an entire weekend with Lydia made me shiver. I couldn’t shake the memory of the look she gave me at the party. It wasn’t just the way she had sized me up like I was beneath her notice but also the underlying hostility in her gaze. I hadn’t done anything to provoke her, but her disdain had been palpable. I couldn’t imagine voluntarily subjecting myself to that kind of energy for an entire weekend. The idea of being trapped in a space with her and her entourage of like-minded girls was enough to make me appreciate the silence and solitude Netflix could provide.

“Yeah, I think I’ll pass on that offer,” I said with a small chuckle, trying to downplay my discomfort. “I think Netflix and snacks sound like the perfect way to spend my weekend.”

Sarah smiled knowingly, her eyes sparkling with mischief. “I don’t blame you. Lydia can be… a lot, even for me, and I’ve known her my whole life since she's my cousin's best friend. Trust me, you’re better off without her drama.”

I nodded, grateful for her honesty. “Thanks for understanding. I think I just need a quiet weekend to settle in and maybe figure out what my next steps are. Everything’s still so new, and I feel like I’m still finding my footing here.”

As Sarah and I walked toward our next class, I couldn’t help but notice the way people moved around us in the hallway. It was as if they had an invisible radar for who was worth their attention and who wasn’t, and I was firmly planted in the “not worth it” category. Most of them didn’t even glance in my direction, but the few who did either had a passing curiosity or a mild disinterest. Sarah, however, walked with the effortless confidence of someone who was used to being noticed, and it was clear that people respected her, even if they didn’t approach her outright. I envied that confidence, not because I wanted to be the centre of attention, but because it seemed to shield her from the awkwardness I felt in my own skin.

“Do people always act this way around here?” I asked, my voice low as we weaved through the crowd. “It’s like they have some unspoken rules about who gets to exist in their world.”

Sarah tilted her head, her eyes narrowing slightly as she considered my question. “You’re not wrong. It’s like that, especially here. People judge you before you even open your mouth. Who you are, who your family is, what you wear—it all matters to them, even if it shouldn’t.”

I nodded, absorbing her words. “It’s exhausting just thinking about it. I don’t even know how to fit into all of this.”

“You don’t have to fit in,” she said firmly, her tone leaving no room for argument. “You just have to be yourself. Trust me, Brianna. Trying to fit into a mould these people create will only make you lose yourself. And you’re better than that.”

Her words struck a chord with me, and I felt a flicker of something I hadn’t felt in a long time—hope. Maybe I didn’t need to be like them to find my place here. Maybe, just maybe, being myself could be enough. But even as I thought it, doubt lingered in the back of my mind. Could I really survive this place without conforming?

The next class dragged on, much like the last one, but this time I was more conscious of my surroundings. I noticed how some of the students around me interacted, how their laughter came in waves, loud and boisterous, like they had known each other forever. Their conversations were effortless, peppered with inside jokes and shared experiences that I could only dream of understanding. It made me feel like an outsider all over again, but I forced myself to focus on the lesson, refusing to let my insecurities win.

When the lunch bell finally rang, I followed Sarah to the cafeteria, my stomach growling in anticipation. The large, open space was buzzing with activity, and the smell of food filled the air, making my mouth water. Sarah led me to a table near the windows, away from the more crowded sections, and I was grateful for the quieter spot.

As we sat down with our trays, Sarah leaned in conspiratorially. “So, tell me the truth—what do you think of JC?”

The question caught me off guard, and I nearly choked on my water. “What?” I managed to sputter, my cheeks heating up.

“Don’t play dumb,” she said with a grin. “I saw the way you looked at him in class earlier. And don’t even try to deny it—I’ve known that boy long enough to know when he’s interested in someone. God, I can't believe I'm saying this but he couldn’t take his eyes off you.”

I groaned, burying my face in my hands. “It’s not like that. I don’t even know him.”

“But you want to, don’t you?” Sarah’s teasing tone was impossible to ignore, and I peeked at her through my fingers.

“It’s not that simple,” I muttered. “He’s… complicated. And I don’t want to get involved in something that’s just going to end badly.”

Sarah’s expression softened, and she reached across the table to pat my hand. “I get it. JC can be… a lot. Even though I've told you to stay away from him, he’s not all bad, you know. He’s just used to getting what he wants, and sometimes that makes him act like a jerk.”

I nodded slowly, unsure of how to respond. The truth was, I didn’t know what I wanted when it came to JC. He was intriguing, yes, but he was also unpredictable and, as Sarah had said, a lot. And yet, despite my better judgment, I couldn’t shake the feeling that there was more to him than what he let people see.