The Alpha's Healer

03 | Give up

Iris looked up long enough to see James right behind her. The two wore identical, slightly guilty frowns on their faces.

A shadow of desolation clung to Iris' abandoned, isolated figure on the side as Sandra took centre stage.

"Is it about the incident with you and James this morning?"

Sandra's face flushed red. She nodded bashfully, "Dad, I admit that what we did was wrong. But it really wasn't intentional. James was stressed with work, so I invited him out with some friends to drink and unwind. I didn't expect my heat cycle to arrive early.... I'm sorry dad. We didn't mean to hurt Iris."

James followed with his own explanation, "I am sorry, Alpha Brian. Our irresponsible actions ended up hurting Iris and you in the worst way possible." His blue eyes shimmered with sincerity, "However, I am willing to right my wrongs. What happened between me and Sandra was an honest mistake, driven by uncontrollable events. My feelings towards Iris are genuine... I hope it won't affect our relationship."

Iris stood there planted like a wooden log, her tongue tied into knots of unspeakable confusion. What she saw this morning was not a drunken mistake, nor a heat driven situation.

Sandra's provocative smile was fresh as sizzling burn imprinted on her mind. Iris assumed by Mary's reaction that it probably wasn't the first time either. So why?

Iris's simple mind couldn't comprehend the reasoning behind their well rehersed speech. But she saw the way it softened the stern look on her father's face.

His next words squeezed her heart dry. "Everyone makes mistakes. It's not your fault if the circumstances are not in your control. Go ahead with your day, I'll speak to Iris and resolve this matter."

James and Sandra were visibly relieved to hear it. Under Iris' wide eyed gaze, the two turned their backs and left without looking back.

"Iris." Alpha Brian's tone hardened like an ice block once the door closed. "You heard it. They made a mistake and apologized on their own. Just forget about it."

Iris gulped the painful lump in her throat. Something heavy crashed in her cracked heart and shattered it into pieces once again.

With a blank mind, aching chest and a stutter, Iris managed to find her voice once again. "But they were -"

"That's it. There is no need to blow this out of proportion." Alpha Brian interrupted her without lifting his head. "You're not worth the work anyway. So what if they fooled around a bit? It's not like they are the first ones, not the last either. The world doesn't stop spinning because of it. Your life won't end because of it."

His cold gaze scanned her from head to toe. He sneered and said, "Maybe if you paid more attention to James, he wouldn't have to go somewhere else for comfort."

The more he said, the harder it became to breathe. The realisation that her father never cared, nor will he in the future, choked the air out of her lungs.

"Mom, he'll love me again."

Her own childish voice echoed against the rush of blood in her ears. It sounded pathetic, naive and all kinds of delusional that age could get.

And Iris was a fool that held onto the paper flowers, hoping they'll bloom.

"You never cared, did you?" She still asked, voice so small it barely reached the Alpha behind the desk.

Alpha Brian paused his work and looked up, surprise married his features, and for once there was a lack of usual disgust that automatically filled his eyes whenever he looked at Iris.

"What?" He breathed.

The silence was loud between them. It stretched to lengths that neither of them could cross anymore. Alpha Brian never tried and Iris was tired.

For eighteen years, Iris ran towards him, walked and crawled even when she was discouraged, but never stopped. Her dream was to climb that unattainable mountain and embrace the sun from a place where she could feel the warmth again.

But the cold summits did not accomodate her. It chilled her to the bones without another thought. Iris wanted to stop and curl up, too cold to continue

Alpha Brian's deep gaze landed on Iris, as if noticing his daughter for the first time.

After a long silence, his answer was, "I don't have time for your nonsense."

"When did you ever have time for me? All of it was saved up for others." Iris didn't know where those words came from, but they didn't stop.

Instead, they spilled like uncontrollable nausea. Her head buzzed and eyes burned with heat, spilling lava down her cheeks as she said, "Everyone around me acts like I'm a plague. They hate me, hurt me and pretend I don't bleed when I'm cut. None of it mattered for all these years because they are strangers."

"But you, papa," Iris choked on the word but the words still made it out between hiccups and shallow breaths, "When you pretend not to see me, act like my presence bothers you; when you refuse to dine on the same table where I sit, or shower someone else with the love I can only dare to dream of, it kills a little part of my soul every time. But I was hesitant to ask : Is it because you hate me too? I was too afraid of your answer. But deep down I hoped that my ceaseless efforts will be seen by you one day and that you'll love me again."

"I didn't come here to make a big deal of Sandra and James sleeping together. All I wanted was for you to consider me for once. But all it took was one apology from Sandra for you to discard whatever was left of my self respect and kick it to the curb."

Iris became a mess of salty tears, trembling hiccups and rapid breaths. She pushed back loose coils of hair out of her face, rubbed off the sweat and looked up.

Her shattered heart pierced deeper when all she saw was quiet, neutral indifference on his face. He picked up the pen from the desk, uncapped it and asked, devoid of emotions, "Are you done yet? I have important matters to attend."

The flickering flame extinguished completely. Once the heat left, all that remained was icy cold, chilling numbness.

Iris dragged her frozen feet against the floor, one step at a time, until the attic's worn out door appeard before her. She walked in, closed the door and slid down the creaking surface.

Iris didn't know what to do. She ignored the timely alarms, the banging on her door, calls from Omegas and even Amanda and Sarah. She stayed locked up in the attic for an entire day.

Her tears dried up but the frantically beating heart relentlessly relived the words, the expression and tone heard by her ears. Her empty gaze flickered from one corner of the attic to another.

Iris recalled the past eighteen years she spent in this attic. Not once did she think it was too small, or the bed too hard, the quilt too thin, or the window too broken.

Now, as the cold air creep in through the cracks of the unrepaired window, her body shivered against her will. It cleared up the fog in her mind and made her forcefully face reality.

When day turned into night, Iris stood up and faced herself in the old mirror on the wall.

Her reflection was the personification of pathetic.

She tried to smile at herself. To pull to ends of her lips up in a familiar curve. It used to come easy until the age of twelve. After that it settled into a thin line, as the reasons to smile reduced drastically.

Now, that straight line broke into a downward curl that wouldn't go back to what it was no matter how much she tried.

Iris gave up.

On that smile. The reasons. The hope.

Iris moved before overthinking could change her mind. She grabbed a bag and filled it with necessary items she used daily.

Almost subconsciously, she reached for the bottle of pills inside the drawer. The half full bottle filled her fist. A full minute of contemplation later, she stuffed it at the bottom of the bag and zipped it.

Iris counted minutes until midnight. Her shoulders sagged with the weight of her bag as she made her way down the stairs without a sound.

Ten minutes later, Iris successfully made it outside. She weaved through the dark alleys and unmonitored roads to reach the northernmost part of the fire moon pack.

Sandra and her friends loved to brag about the lack of security in that section. Because of that, they often hung out in the shallow areas of the forest stretched beyond it.

The fire moon pack's geographical location prevented it from many predators. There were far less rogue attacks and the neighborhood packs were not even interested in the pack located right next to a snow clad mountain.

Iris looked back one last time. The pack she grew up in had given her countless memories. All those memories were stored in her heart and now served as a reminder to never return.

She withdrew her gaze. The heaviness in her heart dissolved a bit more with every step she took away from the pack. The weight of expectations, hate, those curses, endless punishments shed away like old tattered clothes.