Ordinary Human Mated to an Alpha CEO

Do I or Don’t I?

CELINA'S POV

--

I thought I'd be able to sleep, but it's been an hour after the sun has come up, and I haven't been able to keep my eyes shut for more than five minutes-- and I've tried everything to fall asleep. Counting sheep. Counting normally. Forcing my brain to go blank. Thinking of something boring. Played white noise on my phone. Every single thing I could think of didn't work, because the second I found myself calm and relaxed, that offer plays in my head, over and over, as if it's been recorded and put on repeat.

I told myself that I wanted nothing to do with Sean ever again, that I would brush the past under the rug and walk over it every day while it go unnoticed, but it seems like life has other plans for me.

Because why would it send Logan to my front door with this offer? Is it a test? Should I decline and move on with my life? Every single time I consider doing just that, my gut twists as if it's fighting against it-- like it's pushing me towards saying yes, but why?

Why should I accept this offer of vengeance and not choose peace?

All my life...it's been chaos. I lost my parents in a car accident right out of high school. My college experience was awful with grief and hard work that felt like it was drowning me, but I did it-- even with a difficult roommate that had every other boy over every other weekend. Our quarters were known for it's open-door policy that was entirely because of Gwen.

After college, well...it was late nights getting clients, and then after that, it was harder to keep them, but now I have a client base of wealthy people who over pay and feel the need to change something in their home after about every three to five months and I'm living modestly enough to be comfortable as hell, but the difference between Sean and I were day and night.

With every overtime pay notification he received, a night out followed. With every bonus he worked his ass for, he splurged on the newest thing, where I on the other hand decorated my little house, turning it into a home. I only buy what I need, and what I really, really want.

Yet here I am, laying awake through the entire night, thinking about how I could get what I didn't need, but wanted, and for free.

Was this perhaps a sign from the universe to go for it? Was it a gift for all the donations I've made to help people?

One thing I know for sure is...is that if I decline this offer, if I walk away now, I'll live this this chest eating ache inside of me for months. I will go to bed thinking why this had to happen to me, I'd cry and it could effect my work performance-- something I don't have time for.

Sitting up, I stare at my reflection in the vanity that's sitting against the wall opposite the foot end of my bed. My hair is messy from twisting and turning, my eyes have slightly dark circles underneath that's noticeable even from the distance, and I feel tired, but I know that the second I lay down and close my eyes, I'll feel more awake than ever.

It's a cycle I thought I left behind in college, yet here it is again, ruining the routine I've built-- No. It didn't do this to me. Sean did. The person I trusted.

That's when I feel it-- the need to get back at him.

The urge to rip his life apart like he did mine.

I didn't need to force myself out of bed, because the energy just zapped back into me like I've been electrocuted. Rolling out of bed, I go take a shower, get dressed and make myself a cup of coffee in my beige to-go mug that has white lines and put on my adorable cherry colored snow boots.

I didn't plan for my outfit to match the boots, but the navy trousers and red sweater is a good match to it. I pull my white winter coat over my shoulders, the length stopping at my ankles, and the wool lining inside keeps the heat in. I tie the belt to my side, letting the collar rest in the crook of my neck before I walk out of the house, tucking my keys into my pocket after locking the door.

The morning sun is bright, yet there's no warmth to it as I stride down the street, enjoying my cup of coffee, and the sight of snow all the way to the estate.

The immediate difference when I get to the estate is noticeable. The walls are high, snow laying atop the slabs, the wolf shaped boulders beautifully carved. The gates are just as high, probably three times my height, and I awkwardly stop in front of them, staring at the large gates like they're about to swallow me whole.

I shouldn't be here.

I shouldn't have come.

Just as I mean to turn around and walk away, the gates groan open. The way they move slowly makes it a little creepy, but I brush it aside as a man awaits on the other side-- someone who isn't Logan. "Hello," He smiles. It's welcoming and filled with warmth. "Um...I'm here to see...", "Logan," he cuts him, nodding slowly, "I know," he gestures for me to enter, and I walk inside, staring at the blonde man who wears a smile with pride. "I'm...", "Celina," He nods, "I know that too." My eyebrows raise, "I'm Aster." He studies me, eyes flicking down my body and back up, "Aren't you cold?" He asks, glancing past me, probably looking for a car that he won't find. "No, I'm alright." And it's the truth. I love the cold. I am in love with snow and the winter season.

Aster smiles, as if he could see it, "Alright then," He gestures behind him to the golf cart, and when he notices my expression, he smiles, "Unless you want to walk?" He innocently tilts his head, and I glance past his head to the canopy of trees. "Where does Logan live?" I ask, noting the roofs sticking out from behind the trees. "On the other side." Aster shrugs like it wasn't a big deal, and my heart stops when a large wolf dog walks across the path.

My eyes widen, fear attacking my chest with hammers. Aster turns his head, and laughs, "They're trained, don't worry." He winks, but that's..."Is that a dog?" I ask, and his grin says it all. It isn't a wolf dog-- just a wolf-- a large f*****g wolf. "If you ignore them, they'll ignore you." I don't know how to explain that his theory is insane, any wild animal will attack. "I promise they won't harm you," Aster's voice softens, and it's the only reason I believe him-- that and the fact that the wolf merely strode into between the trees and left us alone. "We can take the cart," I murmur-- even if I would have enjoyed a walk, to really see what's on this premises, but I don't particularly enjoy the idea of coming close to the wolf.

"Good choice, we haven't thawed the road completely," He chuckles, extending a hand to help me in. I ignore the kind gesture, clutching my cup tighter as I duck my head and hop onto it. "If you haven't thawed the road, why are we driving? Isn't it dangerous?" I'm pretty sure it is, but they probably drove here. Aster hops in the front next to the silent driver that hasn't even looked in my direction. Aster taps the bar of the roof, "These things have great tires," Some part of me doesn't believe him, that is until we slowly pull away, and keep at a slow pace the entire drive up the road.

The homes built next to the main road of the estate is a great size, some are smaller, others are larger, but every path is scraped of snow and ice, and each house looks modernly built.

I wonder what they look like on the inside.

Perhaps Logan will let me take a look...just to settle the gnawing interest that my brain grows.

I can't count the amount of places I've walked into just to see the designs and layouts.

The wind bites at my skin as we drive, and I find myself smiling even though my nose feels numb, and I'm pretty sure that my cheeks are already red from the cold.

I stare at the upcoming large estate house-- one that is bigger than the rest, and incredibly tall. Perhaps three stories high? If not four? We drive right past it when Aster turns to face me, “He’s waiting in the garden.” I stare at him with wide eyes, “But it’s snowing?” I murmur. Aster merely shrugs, facing forward, and as we turn a corner around the house, my breath is snatched from my lungs at the sight in front of me.