War for Love: A New Battle Rages

CH 5: Regrets

**Jeremiah's POV**

Gia. Everything about her lured me in like a moth to a flame. It was surprising how much I wanted to be next to her. How I anticipated her soft touch. Though it terrified me to want this level of intimacy with someone, with her, I was more afraid of never having it. Once I felt her softness, her vulnerability, I needed it. Like an addict, I was slowly realizing that she was a drug to me. I felt like there could never be a time when I would be fulfilled. Before Gia, I never knew what I was missing.

I haven't slept since she told me that she's a virgin. It keeps replaying in my mind. Every touch, every word I shared with her. I felt like such an asshole. The things I did and said, she must think I am just some s*x-crazed prick who can't wait to get laid. How the hell was I going to prove that I am nothing like the rumors she heard when I had been basically pressuring her this whole time? She must hate me right now. I don't want her to, I want her to know me. A part of me... wants her to love me. It's terrifying.

So if I know that Gia could bring something into my life that I never knew I needed, why the f**k did I walk away from her? Oh yeah, because the raging hard-on I had for her only got worse, knowing that no other man has ever felt her. If I hadn't walked away when I did, I would have f****d up and had s*x with her right in the pool. How can I tell her how sorry I am? I can't. Because if I see her again, I don't think I could control myself. I want her so badly, but I know it's wrong. I need to keep my distance for now and let her have her space to make up her mind without me influencing her in any sort of way.

I looked out at the water, the sun was just starting to rise, and the staff should be here shortly. Once they do, I will have them move my things into another bedroom. I'll just give her some space. It is what is best for both of us right now. I can maybe catch up on some emails, and look into the new accounts I need to secure when I get back to New York. Maybe do a little research on some potential companies that are looking for partners to expand. Even though my specific job is just to woo, it doesn't hurt to bring some prospects to Joel.

The sound of a boat made me turn to see the morning staff arriving. After giving them a few things to do, I disappeared into a bedroom on the other side of the house, and decided to just close myself in. I can have food brought to me, and just bury myself in work and booze. Anything to keep me from thinking about Gia and all the things I wish I could be doing to her right now.

Even though I was exhausted, I couldn't sleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I remembered the way it felt to kiss her. I thought of our brief moment on the plane when I pinned her to the wall, and how much she liked it. She didn't know it yet, but she definitely had some kinks. I thought of her soft touch on my cheek, and how it felt so different, but so wonderful. The way she looked at me, with no judgment, but maybe a little reserved about me. Gia was trying to figure me out, and I was thankful that she seemed to want to draw her own conclusions about me. Less than forty-eight hours with me, and I am sure she is starting to believe everything she was ever told.

I have no one to blame but myself. My brothers always tried to tell me I should stop trying to compete with Hugh Hefner. I know it was just a joke, but I am starting to think that I really should have been more selective with who I bought into my bed. But as a young bachelor, I didn't think about the consequences, I was just having fun. Looking back now, I can see why Gia would be so afraid to be alone with me. I'm basically a huge w***e, and she is the poster girl for purity and innocence. She is every bit good, and I am the complete opposite. What the hell is she doing with a guy like me?

Every fiber of me wanted to go to Gia and apologize for my behavior. But every time I got near the door, my hand would hover over the doorknob and I just couldn't make myself open the door. I was such a coward. I wasn't scared of the apology, I was scared of the rejection that I am sure is waiting for me. Would she reject me though? I sat on the bed and thought of the possibility of her hearing me out. She knew about me, she still married me. On the plane she said she wanted me. She touched my cheek and smiled sweetly at me. Gia admits that she is afraid of me, but she doesn't run from me. I can see her hesitation to be close to me and I understand it. As much as I want to talk to her, I think respecting her personal space would be best.

It was close to six in the morning when I finally laid down, and tried to get some sleep. I tried my best to clear my head in hopes of just a little mental break, but of course, I wasn't deserving. Gia haunted my every dream. She told me she hated me and swore I would never touch her. In another dream, we had the best s*x of my life, and then she told me she regretted it. I dreamed of her leaving me, I dreamed of her telling me she loved me. I just couldn't get her out of my head. It was never ending, all the possibilities of what could happen playing on repeat. But not one of those possibilities was of her accepting me for my s**t past.

A knock on my door finally relieved me of my nightmares, only to be reminded that I was still a s**t person who didn't deserve Gia. "Sir?" One of the staff called out. "Your dinner, sir."

"Just leave it by the door." I called out.

I sat up and rubbed my temples. It felt like someone took a brick to my head. Looking outside, I saw that the sun was setting, and the day had already come and gone. I wondered about my wife and what she could be doing or thinking. She definitely hates me now. I stayed away from her on the first full day of our honeymoon. I slowly got up, and went to retrieve my dinner. I didn't really taste it as I ate, I still couldn't stop my brain from thinking how I royally f****d everything up.

With hardly any appetite, I left the remainder of the food on the side table, and decided on a shower, and then to spend the rest of the night burying myself in work. There was nothing else I could do to make me resist going to Gia and begging for her to see me as I am, and not this complete i***t I have been acting like. Do I even know who I am? I still can't believe I asked her if she wanted to f**k on the plane in front of the flight attendant. I never would have done that, but I just wanted to prove my theory that she was a little jealous. I have to admit, I liked that she felt jealous. It meant she could feel something for me. Well, maybe not anymore.

Turning on my laptop, I sat at the end of my bed and started going through all the emails I had missed the past few days. I haven't been out of the office long, and I already have over a hundred emails to catch up on. This should keep me occupied long enough to hopefully give Gia enough time to stop hating me. I don't know what I am going to do if she never forgives me. Should I even be apologizing for a past I had before I met her?

"f**k," I sighed, slamming my laptop shut. Not even work could make me stop thinking about her.

So I did the only other sane thing I could do at that point. Instead of being an adult and facing Gia, I had one of the staff bring me a bottle of tequila, and I continued to overthink everything alone in my room.