War for Love: A New Battle Rages

CH 14: Distance

**Gia's POV**

I can't seem to get on the same frequency as Jeremiah. Last week I tried to confront him about why he went from being completely happy, to angry f*****g me. He started avoiding me. He wakes up hours before I do, and goes to bed long after I have fallen asleep. Some nights, I try to wait up for him and only find that he had chosen to sleep in his locked office. How long is this supposed to go on? His family doesn't seem too surprised at his tantrum, but I don't know this side of him.

His sister, Alessandra, has suggested giving him space. That when Jeremiah gets in his head, he needs to work it out himself, and anyone who is caught in his path gets hurt. 'It's a him problem.' She explained. I just can't shake the feeling that we shouldn't be this distant with each other. It isn't right, and it is definitely not healthy. How do we build a strong marriage if he won't talk to me? I just wish I at least knew what happened for everything to change so quickly.

As the days went on, I found new ways of keeping myself busy. Alessandra and I have been sparring in the mornings, I shoot with Genevieve on some afternoons, and I set some time aside to paint before bed. Sometimes I forget what time it is and will sit on the balcony for hours just putting every emotion on canvas. It feels therapeutic and freeing. But I miss my husband. It was different when I knew he was working a lot, but this distance is an emotional one, and I'm afraid it will only get worse.

Tears blurred my vision as the paintbrush glided across the canvas. Tonight was one of those nights where you let your mind go blank, and your heart do all the work. I hadn't noticed what I was painting until the silhouette was clearer. The loneliness settled in my heart, and my fingers were bringing it to life. This wasn't a cry for help or for attention. I just needed to have some kind of outlet for all of this hurt, without anyone trying to tell me that it would pass. Because right now, it doesn't feel like it.

I'm sick of everyone making excuses for the way Jeremiah is behaving. If Alessandra was feeling abandoned by her husband, I am sure she wouldn't just be sitting back giving him time. It isn't even about him being distant, it's the lack of communication. He never even asked for time. He just got up from bed, dressed in a hurry and ran out of the door, slamming it behind him. After that, I was left to my own confusing emotions.

I set the canvas down against the railing to dry, and then pulled my knees up to my chest in the chair. Looking over my shoulder, I saw the king-sized bed, and wanted nothing more than to avoid sleeping in such a big space alone. The nights were the coldest and most lonely, and I didn't have it in me to face it again. So, I tightened the throw blanket around me, and decided that the lounge chair would suffice for the night. Jeremiah would most likely sleep in his office again anyway.

**Jeremiah's POV**

"You're a real piece of s**t, you know that." Alessandra came storming into the office, placing something on the desk in front of me. "I went to check on Gia, she hadn't come out of the room almost all day, and I found her sleeping on the balcony, and this next to her." I looked down at the painting in front of me, and was immediately filled with regret. "I don't know what is going on with you, but fix it before you lose her. No one deserves to feel that!" She pointed at the painting with an angry finger, and stormed out, slamming the door.

The painting was so beautiful. I could feel every emotion she poured out into it. The girl was sitting in a corner, holding her knees tightly to her chest, her hair hiding her face, only one eye visible with tears streaming down. The colors were melting from her into a puddle at her feet that followed the silhouette of a man walking away in the background, the darkness closing in around her. I can't believe I did this to her. Her paintings were always so lively. Even the dark-hued ones showed promise of life. But not this one. This one showed that I took all the happiness out of her world by walking away. I took her color away.

Pushing away from my desk, I quickly made my way to the stairs, taking them two at a time. How could I have been so stupid? I told myself not to let anything ruin things between Gia and I, and I still ruined it! She tried repeatedly to reach me, and I just pushed her away. It got to the point where she stopped waiting up at night, stopped coming to a locked office door. She stopped because I was giving her nothing to fight for. I have been such a shitty husband.

Walking into the bedroom, I didn't know what I was going to do or say. How can I make this right? Is it even possible? My feet dragged the floor, feeling the weight of the guilt weigh me down. Gia was asleep, curled up into a ball. Even in her sleep, I could see her pain on her face. I sat down next to her head, watching her for a minute. I looked at the painting, and felt the tears burn my eyes. I don't think I've ever felt this worried before. What if I already lost her?

I reached up and brushed the hair off her cheek, her eyelids were swollen and red. She had been crying. f**k, I hate myself. I can't even bring myself to wake her up, because at least when she is asleep she has some peace. "Baby?" I whispered, touching her cheek softly. She stirred, but didn't wake. I set the painting down, stood up, and leaned down to pick her up. "Shhh," I soothed her. "I'm just carrying you to bed."

Gia must have been emotionally and mentally exhausted. She whimpered, and her hold tightened around my neck, but her eyes remained shut and her breathing even. "Please don't leave me." She whispered. "Don't leave me." Her body started to shake, and I watched tears flow from her eyes. "Jeremiah, come back."

"Baby," I set her down on her pillow, she curled up into a ball and continued to cry. "Baby, wake up. You're having a bad dream." I shook her shoulders. Her eyes opened, and she looked around, looking fearful. "Are you okay?"

Her eyes landed on me, and for a minute she was relieved, but then she remembered something, and I watched her face fall. "Yeah, I'm fine. You can go."

"Do you want me to go?" She wouldn't look at me. I don't blame her.

"It doesn't really matter what I want. It hasn't for a while now." Another tear fell, and she quickly wiped it away.

I sighed deeply. I couldn't put it into words how sorry I am, but I had to try. "Gia, I'm afraid of losing you. So, as a stupid attempt to protect myself, I tried to get some distance to break this hold you have on me. And now I may have lost you anyway, because I was too stubborn to just talk to you."

"Why do you think you're going to lose me? And why would you want to break any connection we have together?" She sat up, looking at me angrily, her voice rising higher with every question. "I thought you cared about me, was I wrong? You left me alone, thinking that I was stupid for opening my heart to you, for falling in love with you! All because what? You were scared? I'm scared too, but I would never make you question how I feel! Why the hell are you smiling?!"

She said it. I was scared she would never feel anything for me, never trust me with her heart, but I was wrong. She said it. "You're falling in love with me?"

Gia pushed my shoulders. Once, twice, and again. "Of course I love you. Why wouldn't I fall in love with you?"

"There is so much about me that you don't know. So many things I've done, people I've hurt." I shook my head. I'm just a monster. Once she knows everything, she will realize she could never love me. "There is a darkness-"

"And I love it. I love your darkness, I love your light. I'm in love with you, Jeremiah. All of you."

"And I'm in love with you, Gia." I've never felt worthy of love. I still don't.