Walk for Christmas

Chapter 6

Roxy POV

Voices murmuring woke me up. I thought I recognized one of the voices I desperately needed right now, which gave me mixed feelings: some love and the need to cry, as if hearing that voice made all the difference in holding back the floodgates of emotions.

I opened my eyes and turned to the sound, seeking out the face of the voice to confirm she was really there in my room. My grandma and grandpa are talking with my brothers in hushed tones. I was unsure what they were saying, but I did not care then; I needed Grandma.

'Grandma.' I called, but it came out as a croaky whisper. The sound must have been loud enough for her to hear, as she was at my side instantly.

Her concerned face searched mine.

She grabbed a glass of water and placed the straw in my mouth. I do not like straws, but I sucked on the straw because I needed it, but also because my grandma was there and urging me to drink. I would not defy Grandma.

It hurt my throat to suck on the straw, feeling the effort I needed to put in to draw in the water, but when the water reached my mouth and I swallowed, it was soothing ice-cold water.

'Grandma, Mum's gone.' I spoke in a sad voice. The tears that I had been holding back for so long flowed down my cheeks, and Grandma held onto me the best she could in a soothing way. After I started to slow in my tears, Grandma pulled back and looked me in the eyes. I needed to cry and get this out. It was a hard lump in my throat and chest,

'We buried her broken body. Yes. But she has not gone from here.' Grandma placed her hand on my chest, where my heart was, and on my head.

'While you carry her memory, and she is in your heart, she will never be completely gone.' I could see Grandma was hurting, too. She lost a daughter-in-law. What is happening to Dad? Where is he?

'Grandma, why did Dad not come to see me?' I asked with a sob, confused by all this and hating that I could not move. I had not really put much thought into that yet, but I am sure at some point, what the doctor said would become a reality.

Why does he not want to see me? Did I do something wrong? I try not to break the rules too often. Did I do something wrong when we had the accident? I do not remember much after the truck hit us. Did I fight against those trying to save me? I heard it could happen.

'He is hurting and trying to cope the best way he can. At the moment, working night and day, which was his way of pushing what happened behind him, he was not accepting the loss, so if he had worked and hidden from his feelings, then it would not have happened. I think he is blaming himself for the accident, doing the 'What Ifs.' and 'I should have.' Give him time to come around.' Grandma said softly, trying to make me understand Dad was hurting.

'What is going to happen now, Grandma?' If Dad does not want me, then what will happen?

'You are going to come and live with us. I have organized for all your things to be shipped to the ranch. We have a new physiotherapist in our town. He and his wife will help you rehabilitate and get you back on your feet. It will take a while. Is that okay with you?' Grandma asked. It was the first time someone asked me my opinion on a big issue before, asking what I wanted.

'Yes, I will see Goliath again and my horse socks. I guess I missed the rodeo?' I asked, trying to remember what day it was.

'Yes, dear. The rodeo is over now in our town. Julie took the title for the barrel this year.' Everyone knows I would have won that, and I have broken so many records since I was fourteen.

'How did the bulls go?' I asked, avoiding acknowledging who won the barrel race. It should have been me. I guess I am out for this season.

'They all performed well, but we had to put one out to breed; he had hurt his leg. Nothing too serious, but it might be good to give him a season off.' Grandpa said soflty.

'Who is Grandma?' Which bull was hurt?' I asked if there are many new seasons.

'Daizy hurt his leg.' Grandma brushed my hair away from my face as she looked into my eyes.

The nurse came and was taking down my stats when the door flew open, and in walked Grace and Brandon.

'Hey, we heard you were awake.' I looked at them and remembered how they were the last time I saw them. My heart started to race, and my breathing got shallow, making breathing hard. The alarm went off, causing the nurse to call the doctor and growl at the couple who had just barged into the room.

'Get out,' Grandma shouted at Brandon and Grace, who looked shocked at all the commotion around the bed. I did not see them leave. I just felt the pain and betrayal, as if I was reliving that moment again, and it became harder for me to take a breath.

The doctor raced in and looked at me, grabbed something from the trolley, and I felt a sharp prick on my arm before everything went black.

When I woke up, the room was dark and quiet. I shivered as the coldness hit me. I looked around, and I saw that I was alone. The last thing I wanted at the moment was to be alone with all this pain and memories, not just of losing Mother but losing my boyfriend to my best friend. Those two who I trusted had betrayed me in the worst possible way.

The only noise was from the machine attached to me. I had a tube in my nose that forced air into my lungs and a tube in my arm. My left arm had a blue cast, and my left leg was slightly raised with the same blue cast. I felt tired and had a sore throat; I licked my dry lips and tried to relax, but I was agitated, watching the door and waiting for them to walk in again.

I never wanted to see them again; it shocked me that they could waltz in like that, as if everything was the same as it was before the accident.

How long did they do that behind my back, laughing at me because they were fooling me, making me a laughingstock?

Do my other friends know?

Were they too on their dirty little secret?

Mum?

Did she know?

Was it that way she did not like him?

She used to love his visits, and then, one day, she started to be less friendly; she would not invite him to stay for lunch or dinner. As I reflect on the past few months, something changed, and stupid me had not noticed it until now.

I was getting upset again as I thought of that moment in the house, how betrayed I felt, and how confused I was.

When my machine started to beep again, a nurse came rushing in, her face full of concern.

'Hey, it is all right. You are fine, and no one will hurt you here.' the nurse said, trying to soothe me. Someone had already hurt me. I thought as she brought a glass to my lips to drink. The water was not cold, but it was still soothing for my rough throat.

'Those two have been banned from visiting you. Don't worry. They will not be coming through that door again. I may not know why, but your reaction to them made the doctor ban them from this room.' The nurse cooed, trying to calm me down. Stroking my hair out of my face as I sipped the best I could on the water, my throat felt like it had closed up. I battled to try and relax.

Grandma entered the room, took one look at the nurse, and rushed over to me, taking the nurse's place. Her voice was calm and clear, and she started to sing a soft melody that she would sing when I was young and not feeling very well. It did not occur to me to question why my Grandma was still there in the middle of the night. I had no idea why Grandma was still here, but I was grateful that she was. Grandma always seemed to know what I needed before I did. I slowly drifted back to sleep, her voice melting away my stress and helping stop my harsh memories, replacing them with good ones from my childhood.