Realization

1195 Words
“Do you think you’ll be alright?” Kylie asked with a worried expression on her face. “I think so… maybe!” I replied, unsure of what emotions Nash’s presence would stir in me. It was already difficult to face him, but my circumstances wouldn't allow me to ignore him. If I couldn't avoid it, I would confront it directly, no matter the consequences. “If at any point it becomes unbearable for you to be with him, run away. I'll handle whatever comes next, but you shouldn’t force yourself to stay. Promise me that,” Kylie said, gripping my hands tightly. “If it gets too painful, I will leave,” I nodded, assuring her that I would prioritize my well-being. “Yes, don’t endure it. Don’t let him hurt you any more than he already has. If you feel like you can’t bear to look at him, just call me, and I will come to get you, okay?” Kylie insisted. “Okay,” I replied. “Good,” she said, pulling me into a hug. After I got into my car, she drove away. It was only when I was alone that the anxiety crept in. I had no idea what to expect or how to face him anymore. His words from last night shattered my perception of him. I didn’t know the man I loved anymore—or more accurately, I never truly knew him. His acting was masterful, and I had to admit that. He fooled all of us into believing he loved me as much as I loved him. Not once did he break character. He did everything he could to keep the truth hidden, and like a fool, I never questioned his intentions. “Miss, we are here.” As I sat there, I realized that I also bore some blame for making it easier for him to continue his charade. If I hadn’t blindly given him the opportunity, maybe his facade wouldn’t have lasted for eight years. “Miss.” For eight years, I trusted his love for me without question. I never understood why he eagerly accepted my feelings. I convinced myself that he was simply a man who struggled with expressing his emotions, believing he might have had a crush on me beforehand and couldn’t convey it. After we started dating, he openly shared how much he liked me. His change in attitude didn’t send up any warning flags in my mind. Instead, it warmed my heart, and I felt I was helping him open up. He hadn’t changed for me; he stayed exactly the same, which is why my feelings for him grew stronger each day. Even after eight years, he maintained his efforts, and each gesture made me feel as special as the first time he did something nice for me. I never experienced the butterflies fading, nor did I ever feel bored, ignored, or anxious for his attention. He did everything so perfectly that I felt like the queen of the world, convinced that nothing could be as meaningful as his love. “Miss,” the driver gently tapped my shoulder, bringing me out of my thoughts. “Yes?” I replied. “We’ve reached your destination,” the driver said. “Oh, I’m sorry! I was lost in thought,” I said as I stepped out of the car. “Should I wait for you, or will your fiancé be dropping you off at home?” the driver asked. He rarely asked me that, as Nash usually picked me up and took me home. On the rare occasions, I traveled with the driver, he would drop me off and leave because Nash always came along. The driver must have sensed my discomfort. I forced a smile, “You can head back. Nash will be dropping me off as usual.” I aimed to avoid arousing any suspicion. “Okay,” the driver said, and he drove away. I took out my phone to call Kylie. I knew I couldn't postpone being with Nash for too long, so I wanted to be safe and arranged for Kylie to pick me up afterward. She assured me she would be ready whenever I decided to leave. After thanking her, I entered the bridal shop, where Nash was already waiting for me in the lobby area. “Baby,” he greeted me with a wide smile and wrapped me in our usual hug. But this time, the embrace felt suffocating instead of comforting. His scent, his body pressing against mine, and even his voice triggered everything I had felt the night before, overwhelming me completely. I couldn't stay in the hug and pushed him away. “I—I,” I stammered, struggling to explain my reaction. While I was panicking inside, Nash simply sighed and spoke in an understanding tone. “Hey, babe, I know you must be feeling overwhelmed with the wedding approaching, and that’s okay. Don’t feel bad about it, don’t stress, and let me take care of everything, alright?” His understanding only hurt more than his words from the previous night, and tears began to sting my eyes. Not wanting to alarm him, I blinked a few times, but the tears fell regardless. “I’m sorry, I don’t know why I’m crying,” I fake-laughed as I wiped away my tears. “Your understanding means so much to me, it truly brings tears to my eyes.” “Here, wipe those tears. You shouldn’t be crying anymore. This is the last time I will see tears in your eyes,” he said jokingly, attempting to lighten the mood. But suddenly, a feeling washed over me. My instinct screamed that I would never be able to fix what was broken. “Let’s go get the wedding dress,” I said hurriedly. My panicked thoughts overwhelmed me. I shouldn’t be feeling this way. Not yet. Not now. I didn’t want it to end just yet. I clung to his arms desperately, as if that would somehow save our relationship. “Quite excited, aren’t we?” Nash chuckled. “Yes, you’re right,” I replied with a smile. The manager of the shop led us to the trial room to ensure the dress fit perfectly. With the wedding just a week away, there would be enough time for any necessary alterations. “Please head into this room,” the manager said, directing me toward the spacious changing area where three attendants awaited me. “I’ll be right back,” I told Nash before stepping inside the room. The attendants helped me into the gown, and as I stood before the mirror in my wedding dress, a sob escaped my lips. I lost myself in the moment and crouched down, clutching my heart as I cried, “It hurts.” At that moment, I truly accepted that I had lost him. If I chose to stay with him, I would forever carry the reminder that he had never loved me. The thought itself was so torturous that I found a strange sense of relief in the idea of ending it. ~•~
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