How Long Will I Love You

Kabanata 1

Kabanata 1

A picture is like a time machine. One glance at my mother's picture and I'm immediately back to the time when I can see her smiling warmly at me. Though it's a blurry, her angelic and passionate eyes were enough to make me remember how beautiful she was as a woman. Maging ang mahinhin niyang boses sa tuwing tatawagin niya ako noong bata pa akp ay parang musikang nagpapaulit-ulit sa isip ko sa tuwing dadapo ang mga mata ko sa larawan niya.

Standing beside the black glassy picture shelves, my fingers stroked my mother's restored picture inside a brown wooden frame. I was with her in that picture. Nasa isang beach kami. Mom was in her black one piece suit. Ako naman ay kulay pink na one piece rin ang suot at may disenyong Barbie. She's kneeling in the white sand while hugging me from behind.

I was giggling like I already know what's happening around me even in my young age. Si Mommy ay malawak rin ang pagkakangiti sa akin. Father was the one who took the picture. According to him, it's a vacation in Ilo-Ilo.

Huminga ako ng malalim, ang mga mata ay hindi inaalis sa larawan namin kahit pa unti-unti na itong hinaharangan ng luha.

Mommy, I wonder how my life would be like if you're still alive... if you're still here with us... I wonder how it feels like to have a mother who will comb my hair every night and choose what dresses are good for me in every occasion I have to attend to. Hindi man nagkulang si Daddy sa pagpaparamdam sa akin kung paano magkaroon ng kumpletong pamilya kahit siya lang magisa, hindi ko pa rin maiwasan ang mangarap.

I wish you're still here. I wish heaven didn't take you away so soon. I wish you're still alive.

"Zoe,"

I was snapped out of my own reverie when I heard my father's deep and thick voice. Using the back of my hand, I wiped the tears on my cheek and cleared my throat in a close-mouthed way. Humarap ako kay Daddy at tipid siyang nginitan.

"You were saying, Dad?" I asked normally.

He stared intently at me through his reading eyeglasses. The thickness of his brows and the sharpness of his eyes always reminds me of how strict he is as a father mostly when I'm still on my teenage life. Strikto man, hindi pa rin siya nagkulang na iparamdam sa akin ang pagmamahal niya. He excelled on that thing. Until now.

I can say that the love of a father is slightly different from the love of a mother. It is somehow strict, over protective, but it is a kind of love you will never exchange for anything else in the world.

I love him. Despite of his dark past and heart breaking mistakes... I still love him... dearly.

Mula sa akin ay nagtungo ang mga mata niya sa mga picture frames na nasa likod ko. He gave a quick glance on them before transferring his eyes back to me.

"Are you alright?" he asked, concern was laced with his voice.

Tumango ako, naglakad patungo sa visitor's chair sa harapan niya at naupo roon.

"Yah, of course. I'm fine. Namimiss ko lang talaga si Mommy, Dad. I don't know why everytime my eyes landed on her portraits, there's a sudden pang in my chest."

Tinanggal ni Daddy ang suot niyang reading glasses at ipinatong ito sa ibabaw ng kanyang table. Humugot siya ng malalim na buntong hininga at tumingin muli sa mga larawan ni Mommy.

Sudden glimpse of sadness played across those menacing eyes. Behind the masked smile he wears on his face, there is sorrow and yearning. I cannot blame him for experiencing those soul wrecking emotions. I can even see how terrified he will be as the memory of his past will come back and play on his mind over and over again like a broken record.

He's still guilty, I know. Nararamdaman ko na dala-dala niya pa rin sa puso niya ang nangyari sa kanila ni Mommy noon. He's still not over it even though it's twenty five years ago.

Minsan, nagtataka rin ako sa sarili ko kung bakit hindi ako nagagalit sa kanya kahit pa alam ko ang buong kwento tungkol sa kanila ni Mommy. Tungkol sa pagtataksil niya dito. The only explanation I can give myself or anyone who would dare to ask me is because I wasn't there when that happened. Bata pa ako noon, wala pang muwang sa mundo. Walang kamalayan sa nangyayari sa paligid.

Noong magdalaga ako at nalaman ko na ang totoo mula kay Lola Amara, nagsikap akong intindihin si Daddy at kung bakit niya nagawa ang bagay na iyon sa aking ina. He had his reasons: reasons I never dare to ask him until now. He can keep it all to himself. It's already in the past, anyway. Mom already forgave him. Everyone around him have forgiven him. Mismong sarili na lang niya ang hindi nakakapagpatawad sa kanya.

Mahirap siguro talagang kalaban ang puso at kunsensiya.

"I missed her too, princess. Heaven knows how much I miss your Mom. And until now, I can't accept that I did nothing to save her from dying. Kung naagapan ang sakit niya, maaaring hanggang ngayon ay buhay pa siya at kasama natin." his voice was low with pain and regret.

Huminga ako ng malalim. Ipinatong ko ang kamay ko sa kamay niya at tinapik tapik ito, sinusubukan siyang pakalmahin.

"Dad, stop blaming yourself. It was really her time. Sa ating lahat na nagmamahal kay Mommy, alam kong ikaw ang pinaka naapektuhan sa kinahinatnan niya. I know that you hate what happened to her but l also know that she's in a better place right now. Huwag mo ng sisihin ang sarili mo o ikunekta pa ito sa mga nangyari sa inyo sa nakaraan. It's nonsense, Dad." Mahinahong sabi ko sa kanya.

Using his thumb, Dad wiped the tear on the side of his eyes and wore his reading glasses again. I stared at his face. Isang ngiti ang umalpas sa labi ko.

Mahigit dalawang dekada na ang nakalipas pero siya pa rin ang gwapo at makisig na ama na kinalakihan ko. He never seems to look old even with those fine wrinkles beside his eyes. Maganda pa rin ang tindig ng katawan at walang senyales ng kahit anong pag-edad. Makes me wonder why he never try to court a woman and be in a relationship again. But then, I remember him telling me before that he doesn't need another woman in his life to take care of him, that I'm more than enough.

"I know. Hindi ko lang maiwasan." nangingiting aniya nang iangat niya na ang tingin sa akin.

I smiled comfortingly at him.

"Anyway, bakit mo ako pinapunta dito, Dad?" tanong ko, pilit ng iniwasan ang malungkot na tema namin.

He cleared his throat and straightened his back. Mariin niya akong tinitigan sa mga mata. Ang lungkot ay mabilis na napalitan ng kaseryosohan sa mukha niya.

"It's about Megaworld,"

A frustrating groan escaped my throat when I heard the said place. Napakamot ako sa aking noo habang pinagmamasdan siyang angat ang kilay. Hindi pa man siya nasasabi ang tungkol doon ay alam ko na kaagad ang paguusapan namin.

"Dad, inabala mo ako sa office para lang sabihin ang tungkol diyan? You already know my stand about that." pagmamaktol ko.

"I really don't get you, princess. Megaworld is the easiest and most comfortable business we have. The main and exact reason why I want you to handle it is because I don't want to pressure and put stress on you. Come on, hija. Why don't you give it a try? Give me the hotels and handle the Megaworld instead."

I chewed the bottom part of my lips from the inside. I averted my eyes from my father and think about his offer.

Noon pa man ay gusto niyang iyon na ang hawakan ko kesa sa iba naming negosyo. I don't know what's the difference about that luxury mall and our other businesses. Aside from the truth that it's where my mother and him met, I don't really know. Siguro nga ay talagang ayaw niya lang na nai-stress ako sa pagpapatakbo ng mga hotel dito sa Luzon. I admit that it's really hard but I studied hard and graduated for this. I didn't take Business administration for nothing. Alam kong mahihirapan ako dahil hindi naman basta-basta ang mga negosyo ni Daddy pero handa ako roon. Nothing comes easy when it comes to business. You need to experience hardships and stressful days before you achieve the success.

Heaving a sigh, I looked at my father with a lazy expression. Bakas ang pagasa sa mga mata niya na naging dahilan para mapanguso ako.

Damn. He's really expecting me to agree.

"I'll think about it, Dad." I said that immediately put a smile on his lips.

Managing the Megaworld only means that I will be staying often in the main branch where my mother had work before. Maybe I can consider it. Kahit nasanay na ako sa hotel, puwede rin namang subukan ko ang sales industry. That way, I will be able to see Ninang Clyde often, Mommy's best friend. She's the Branch Manager there.

"Sundin mo na lang ang Daddy mo, hija. He knows better when it comes to you. Ayaw lang no'n nang masiyado kang napapagod." Tita Kate said while we're walking along Megaworld's department store.

Habang nasa office ako ni Daddy kanina ay nakatanggap ako ng message mula sa kanya. She invited me to have lunch with her. Walang alinlangan akong pumayag sa imbitasyon niya sa akin. Tita Kate and Tito Justin have been my second parents since my mother died. According to Dad, si Tita Kate ang tumayong ina ko simula nang mawala si Mommy. Even their daughters Dania and Krisna are nice to me. They treated me as sister, too.

"I know, Tita. Kaya nga ang sabi ko ay pagiisipan ko ang tungkol sa bagay na iyon." sagot ko habang ang paningin ay nasa mga rack ng mga bestida.

Huminto si Tita sa tapat ng mga naka-hanger na formal dresses at hinawi ito ng kanyang kamay. Her long and red sophisticated nails were grazing over the smooth and silky clothe. Napangiti ako. She really has passion for elegant dresses.

"Megaworld is so precious to your father, Zoe. Dito niya nakilala ang Mommy mo. She was a sales lady back then. I can still remember how shocked I was when I found out that your father fell in love with a sales woman," she laughed nostalgically. "May gusto pa ako sa Daddy mo noon. Nagalit ako sa Mommy mo pero kalaunan ay naging magkaibigan kami. Who would have thought that we would be close friends. After everything I have done to her, she still welcomed me to be her friend. Para sa kanya ay walang masamang tao. Kung ako ang tatanungin ay gusto ko rin na ikaw ang humawak ng Megaworld. Take care of this property, Zoe. Take care of your mother's memories."

A smile spread across my face as I listen to her words. Ramdam ko ang pagmamahal niya kay Mommy bilang kaibigan. Na kahit taon-taon na ang lumipas, naroon pa rin ang pagpapahalaga niya para rito.

Tumango-tango ako, hindi man niya nakikita dahil sa pagkaabala niya sa mga damit sa kanyang harapan.

I lifted my head and scanned the huge place. From the heigh ceiling, dress racks, well postured Sales Associates and elegant interiors. Pakiramdam ko ay hindi ko na kailangan pagisipan pa ang tungkol sa gusto ni Daddy. I'll accept his favor. I'll run and manage this company.

"Shit!"

Irritation thrummed through my veins when I felt someone bump me in my shoulder. With a deep frown in my face, I turned sideways to see whoever that careless is.

A tall and fair man in his black three piece suit was the first person I saw. Hindi ako gaanong katangkad kaya naman nagmistula akong maliit sa harap ng lalaking ito. From the old man he's talking, he transferred his eyes to me and immediately met mine.

My gaze enthralled on him. His eyes were like crisp toffee drizzled in melted chocolate and framed with darling lashes. A blade nose and burrowed cheekbones. He also had thick thatch of dark hair over bushy eyebrows.

I see. This man is heavy featured.

Nahinto ang mariing pagtitig ko sa kanya nang makita ko ang pagtataas niya ng kilay.

"Sorry..." he apologized without any sincerity on his face. Para bang napilitan lang.

Tumango ako, napipilitan rin.

"Sa susunod, tumingin ka sa dinadaanan mo."

Suddenly, the corner of his lips turned upward. That only made him look like a devil in a business suit. He wetted the bottom part of his lips as amusement flashed in his dark orbs.

"Alright. You also have to stay aside and don't block the way. Para naman hindi ka nabubunggo sa susunod." nakangising aniya.

Napakurap-kurap ako, hindi makapaniwala sa naging sagot niya pabalik sa akin. Suminghap ako at pinuno ng hangin ang aking dibdib. I can feel my temples pulsating in anger. Just when I'm about to say something, he walked past me and ignored me like I'm sort of a wall flower.

My eyes narrowed into slits as I watch him walking away from me while talking to the man beside him. Lumingon pa sa akin ang matandang kausap niya at nang makitang masama ang tingin ko ay agad rin nagbawi.

"What's wrong, Zoe? Is everything okay?" Tita Kate asked beside me.

Hindi ko siya nilingon, ang mga mata ay nananatili lang sa aroganteng lalaki na dumunggol sa akin.

"Yes, Tita. I'm fine." I said firmly. "Some conceited man just bumped me in my shoulder without apologizing properly."

Hindi ko alam kung paano ko nagawang pigilan ang sigaw na gustong kumawala sa lalamunan ko. I badly want to shout at that arrogant man but being in this place made me stop from doing it. Alam ng lahat na anak ako ng may ari ng mall na ito kung kaya naman malaking kahihiyan ang gagawin kong iyon kung sakali.

"Nasaktan ka ba?"

Binawi ko na ang paningin ko sa direksyon ng lalaki kanina at dinala ito kay Tita Kate. Concern was etched on her defined eyes. Ang mahaba at makapal na false eyelashes ay lalong nagpapatalim ng mga mata niya. Malayong-malayo sa mga mata ni Mommy na natatandaan ko. Malambot at mapungay, katangian na namana ko.

"I'm alright. Let's go back to our business now, Tita. Dania and I still have to meet tonight. She's inviting me for a night out."

Tita Kate rolled her eyes. "Nawiwili ang batang iyon sa night out. Silang dalawa ni Krisna. Halos laman na ng mga night clubs."

Natawa ako, tuluyan nang nakalimutan ang eksena kanina lang.

"Kanino nagmana, Tita?"

She leered at me and then suddenly followed by her bitchy chuckle. Sa tuwing tumatawa siya ng ganoon ay hindi ko mapigilan ihalintulad sa kanya ang matalik kong kaibigan. Kagaya ni Tita Kate, mataray at wala rin inuurungan si Trinity. My best friend for the past ten years.

"Sa amin ng Tito Justin mo para fair. Mahilig din sa night out ang tito mong iyon." natatawang aniya.

Napailing na lang ako, hindi na sumagot pa. Pagkatapos namin magpalipas ng tanghalian sa mall ni Tita Kate ay nagtungo pa ako sa office ko at ginawa ang ilang trabaho doon. Hindi magtatagal at ang trabaho at opisinang nakasanayan ko ay tuluyan ko ng iiwan. I will be facing new challenges when it comes to my career. Hindi ako dapat tumanggi dahil ako lang din naman ang aasahan ni Daddy.

Dahil nagiisang anak lang naman si Daddy ay wala siyang ibang katuwang sa mga ari-arian na mayroon siya. Noong nabubuhay pa si Lolo Leighton ay sila ang tanging nagtutulungan sa pagpapatakbo ng lahat. Now that he's dead, there's no other person who can help him in shouldering all the responsibilities aside from me.

"Let's call this a night, Dania. Marami na tayong nainom." wika ko kay Dania na lupaypay na ang ulo habang nakaupo sa vip couch na kinaroroonan namin.

Beside him is Lucas, her new boyfriend. Kanina ko lang siya nakilala. He's already with Dania ever since they got here. I know how she can be playful when it comes to relationships so I can't really tell if she's serious with this one or not.

Dania groaned, eyes still close.

"Such a good girl, Zoe! Maaga pa. Mamaya na tayo umuwi. Kahit malasing naman tayo ay nariyan si Lucas para ihatid tayo. You don't need to worry."

Nagkatinginan kami ni Lucas. He shook his head like he couldn't do anything to contradict his girlfriend. Sa itsura niya ay halatang matino pa siya at hindi gaanong tinatamaan ng alak.

Ngumuso ako, pagkatapos ay bumuntong hininga.

"I'm not yet drunk. Unlike you, I can still drive my car."

"How is it possible? You drink alot but you have a high tolerance when it comes to alcohol. Sana oil!" she laughed.

Natawa rin ako sa salitang ginamit niya. She's right. Mahilig rin ako uminom. Nasanay na at nahawa na rin sa mga kaibigan na halos laman na rin ng club gabi-gabi. Madalas man uminom ay hindi mabilis malasing. The first and only time that I got drunk was three years ago. It's Trinity's birthday and she all wanted her guests to get drunk including me. Naalala ko pa kung gaano katindi ang pagsusuka ko kinabukasan at ang sakit ng ulo na tinamo ko.

Having a high tolerance when it comes to alcohol is really an advantage. You can drink as much as you want without getting wasted that fast.

"Ewan ko sa'yo. Sober yourself up before we go home. Magpapahangin lang ako sa labas."

Pagkasabi ko no'n ay tumayo na ako at naglakad palabas ng club. Iilang pamilyar na kakilala ang nakasalubong ko bago ako tuluyang nakalabas. I only answered them with a nod and soft smile.

Ang malamig na simoy ng panggabing hangin ang sumalubong sa akin nang makalabas ako ng lugar na iyon. Dahil sa init na dulot ng alak sa aking katawan ay sakto lang ang lamig na idinulot ng hangin sa balat ko.

Suddenly, I felt my phone vibrating inside my Yves Saint Laurent black sling bag. I looked down on it, didn't bother to stop from walking. Binuksan ko ito at kinuha ang cellphone mula roon. Agad na bumungad sa akin ang pangalan ni Daddy. Binasa ko ito, hindi pa rin tumitigil sa paghakbang patungo sa kung saan alam kong naroon ang sasakyan ko.

Dad:

Don't drink too much, young lady. Take care of yourself.

Napangiti ako sa simpleng mensahe na iyon ni Daddy. What I love about his attitude is he may be strict and all but when it comes to my personal life, hindi siya humahadlang.

Ako:

Will be home in an hour, Dad. :)

Pagkasend ko noon ay sunod kong binasa ang message mula kay Trinity. It's already past midnight. I wonder why she's still up.

Trina:

Let's have some coffee tomorrow. After work.

Humagikhik ako. Hindi talaga lumilipas ang isang linggo na hindi siya nagaaya sa akin lumabas. Be it over coffee, shopping or wherever she wants. Magkikita at magkikita kami. Hindi puwedeng hindi. Hindi ata mabubuhay iyon nang hindi ako nakikita.

Ako:

See you-

Bago ko pa maituloy ang pagtitipa ko ay naramdaman ko na ang pagbunggo sa balikat ko.

Seriously? Ano ba ang mayroon ngayong araw na ito at uso ang bungguan?

"Puwede bang tumigin ka sa dinadaanan mo? Nakakabangga ka na, e."

Nagangat ako ng tingin. Isang morena at kasing tangkad ko na babae ang nasa aking harapan. Makapal ang kolorete sa kanyang mukha, ang pisngi ay tila ba ilang beses na sinampal sa sobrang pula.

"My fault?" I asked, brows snapping together in a deep frown.

"Of course! You're busy fiddling with your phone that you forgot to watch your steps!" she spat those words with venom.

Tumaas ang kilay ko, pinatay ang cellphone at pinagkrus ang mga braso ko sa tapat ng aking dibdib.

"Nakita mo na palang abala ako sa cellphone ko. Sana ikaw na ang umiwas tutal ikaw naman ang tumitingin sa dinadaanan mo, 'di ba?"

Nanglaki ang mga mata niya. Ang ugat sa noo ay mabilis na nagsilabasan. I rolled my eyes at her and walked past her. Ngunit ilang hakbang pa lang ay napahinto rin ako kaagad nang mahagip ng mga mata ko ang lalaking nakasandal sa hood ng itim na kotse habag ang mga paa ay magkakrus.

He's smirking. Just a small pouting of the lips; a narrowing of the eyes and a tilting of the head, I can already say that he witnessed the scene between me and that girl.

Umiling siya, pinagkrus ang mga braso sa tapat ng kanyang matikas na dibdib bago dinilaan ang ibabang parte ng labi niya.

"I see. You really love blocking the way, huh?" he taunted.

Hilaw akong ngumiti sa kanya.

"How unfortunate I am to see you twice within just a day. Right, Mr. Arrogant?" I mocked. The left side of his faint red lip tugged upwards creating a sinister smirk on his God like face. "And for your information, I wasn't blocking the way. That woman was plain stupid for bumping into me even though she's much aware of the view ahead her. Parang ikaw. Nakita na nga ako, binunggo pa."

He chuckled, looking so amused at my sudden burst out.

"I didn't see you awhile ago, Miss. If that's what you're trying to say. Kung hindi ka sana nakaharang sa daan, hindi kita mababangga kahit pa hindi ako nakatingin. Got my point?"

My nostrils flared in anger and irritation. Ako ba talaga ang sinisisi niya sa pagkakabangga niya sa akin kanina sa Megaworld? Hindi ba malinaw sa kanya na nasa gilid ako at siya itong wala ang atensyon sa dinadaanan?

"Archer? Let's go, man."

Bago ko pa siya mabugahan ng apoy ay may isang lalaking kasing tangkad niya ang dumating at takang nakatitig doon sa lalaki na tinawag na Archer. Nagpalipat-lipat ito ng tingin sa amin.

I glared at the arrogant man and he's just sporting his sarcastic smirk that made him look like a devil. Right now, he's a devil wearing only a white button down shirt. Kanina kasi ay naka-three piece suit siya.

He uncrossed his feet and stood up. His eyes not leaving mine. Nananatili akong nakatitig sa kanya at mabigat ang paghinga. Ang lalaking kasama niya ay takang nakatingin sa akin, marahil ay nagtataka sa klase ng atensyon na ibinibigay sa akin ng kasama niya.

He stepped towards me, leaving few inches in between us. He stared intently into my eyes with a sinister smirk on his red and wet lips. Pigil ko ang aking hininga, hindi malaman kung bakit bigla na lang bumilis ang ritmo ng puso ko.

Nakipagsukatan ako ng titig sa kanya. Our staring contest last for a nearly a minute before he leaned over me. The hair on my nape rose when I felt his lips brushing my ear.

"See you around..." he whispered and walked past me, leaving me real dumbfounded. "Let's go, Serge."

His friend shot me a confused glance before following his arrogant friend. Nang habulin niya ito ay awtomatiko akong bumaling sa kanila, partikular sa lalaking iyon. Even the way he walks, even the way he moves his body, screams air and arrogance. Diretso ang tinding ng kanyang likod, sa bawat paghakbang ng matikas at mahahaba niyang biyas ay humahakab ang magandang hulma ng kanyang pang upo.

Mabilis na kumalabog ang puso ko nang makita ko ang paglingon niya at ang mabilisang pagtatama ng mga mata namin. That little rise in the corner of his mouth tells me that he's enjoying this awkward scene between us. Inirapan ko siya at mabilis na ibinaling sa kung saan ang tingin.

Gwapo nga, arogante naman.