The Crippled
I stretched out a hand in the darkness. I have failed. I've erased everything from existence. Or rather.. I've
erased myself in the process of discovering this "true" meaning of life that has once been nothing but
something that contained a small desire inside my fragile heart. My own fantasy that is. Wrapped up in this huge cocoon of despair with no way in & no way out. My mind screams out again & again yet there's
nothing to be heard by anyone else. In the end, all that's left is a former shell of remnants of myself. Me
but not me. These chains. These foreboding chains binds me right here & right now. Seemingly
forevermore.
It's really ironic really. How as I stumble on, all that's left for me is this crevice in my chest. This gaping hole that doesn't seem like it'll ever heal off what has been carved onto. Yet I do not feel the pain. I have been pained again & again. Which made me question the Where, when, how & why. In the end, all that's left is this feeling of the unfeeling. The feeling of the unsatisfied at the very least. I have long since forgotten how to feel. And yet I still have the memory of such. It was once the most vibrant vivid colors. But now it is plain, dull & gray to me. How I have changed. As a person. As a whole. My entire being has never been so insignificant in my life up till this day. Where I have become just another broken toy in this life. The broken form of a man that is now stranded upon the peak of this cliff. Unable to shed a tear. Unable to feel anymore emotional things he once did. Why he had been feeling just a variety of all kinds of emotions just yesterday. And yet, how could it have changed a man so much after a day's worth of events?
How disastrous it is. Wandering like a lost soul. The truth couldn't have been anymore bitter than when it first came to. The humanity. Where is the humanity in all of this? How could this have happened without my excessive knowledge? It all happened so fast. There was no time to think. No time to mourn for the death of my crumbling self image of what was once a vibrant vivid colored picture of me. Why? I continue to question myself just where am I? When is this inhumanity going to end? How did this even happen? Why did this even happen to me? I have been left here. All alone. In shackles. No amount of words could save me now. No amount of hurting could save me now. And definitely no amount of love & care from anyone could save me now.
Is this my fate? Is this my own fate for at least making an effort of trying to understand the wheres, whens, hows & whys? Why does all the drawbacks & consequences seem to happen to me lately? I continue to question these things to myself to no avail. To no definite conclusion. Is this really how it's going to end for me? No answer comes from above nor below.
