Chapter 10
1026 Words
Naalimpungatan ako dahil pakiramdam ko ay may nagmamasid sa akin. I slowly opened my eyes and the first thing I saw was Vallen's deep black eyes.
Napabalikwas ako ng bangon.
"W-What..." hindi ko mahanap ang salitang dapat kong sabihin. What is he doing here? And why is he staring at me?
"Are you alright?" tanong ni Vallen. Lumayo ako at siniksik ang sarili sa may headboard ng kama.
"I... I am a-alright..." sagot ko. I am still afraid of him. He was already scary even before we didn't know each other personally but he gets even scarier because of what happened earlier.
What if katulad nina Mommy, saktan din niya ako? What if katulad ni Daddy, tratuhin niya rin akong parang hangin lang? What if because of those photos, he starts to treat me like a trash? At sabihan ng kung anu-ano gaya ng ginagawa ni Lorraine sa mga kwento niya?
What if just like them... he abandon me?
"Lesley."
The trauma I got from them is of no joke. I thought I can overcome this fear once I accept the fact they do not care and love me anymore.
I thought once I get out of that hell cage, I can breathe freely.
But why is it even if I am far away from them, it feels like they're still strangling my neck?
"Lesley."
I can't breathe.
Gusto ko nang makawala sa kanila. Oo na, alam ko na, alam kong nawala na ang pamilyang nakamulatan ko. Pero masama bang umasang babalik pa ito?
I do not want to hope but I am still hoping for the changes. But I am only hoping for nothing I guess.
"Lesley. Are you sure you're okay?"
I came back in reality after hearing Vallen's voice. That's when I realized that Vallen was right here in front of me.
"O-Oh.. I'm s-sorry..." sabi ko at umiwas ng tingin. Hindi naman siguro siya magagalit, hindi ba? Although he looks mad.
"What are you apologizing for?" he asked. Umiling ako bilang sagot.
Kumunot ang kaniyang noo. "What are you being afraid of?" he asked.
"You," sagot ko na hindi pa rin tumitingin sa kaniya.
"You sure are straightforward for a coward."
This time, humarap na ako sa kaniya. "What?" I asked in confusion. What did he say?
"What are you really afraid of? Me? Or what I am thinking about you?" tanong niya.
Hindi ako nakasagot. I'm actually afraid of him as well as his perception about me because of those fabricated photos. I am afraid that, yun nga, mag-iba ang tingin niya sa'kin and being discarded.
Nagkaroon ng kaunting katahimikan bago siya nagsalita. "Don't be afraid," he uttered. How can I not be afraid if I can not even face my fears?
"You have me, Lesley."
It was like a bell that keeps ringing in my ears. Natuod ako at hindi agad naka-react sa sinabi niya.
Napatingin ako sa kaniya ng may halong pagtataka. Like, does he even know what he's saying?
"You have me, your husband. And I believe no one other than you," he added. He stared at me. Ni hindi ko magawang alisin ang tingin ko sa mga mata niya. It's as if his eyes are telling me to look only at him and believe him.
Nakagat ko ang aking ibabang labi. Just only those words, now I feel like I can cry buckets.
"Those pictures... they are fabricated." I started to tell him things about me. I am still afraid to open up so I'm holding back.
Paano kung hindi siya maniwala? And after I said everything about me, he suddenly turn his back at me?
What if he's just like them?
What if hindi niya talaga ako paniwalaan? At gusto niya lang akong magmukhang tanga?
What if...
What if...
Argh, these what ifs are ruining my mind.
It's hard. I don't know what to do. I want to tell him that any those pictures weren't true. I want him to believe me but I am too afraid to open up with him.
I am afraid that my trust would break once again until there's nothing left in me.
I'm afraid...
Ayoko nang magtiwala.
Ayoko nang umasa na may maniniwala sa'kin...
Ayoko na...
Naramdaman ko ang malamig niyang kamay sa aking pisngi at marahang pinupunasan ang mga luhang hindi ko namalayang tumulo na pala.
Strange... every time his cold hands touch my skin, instead of feeling cold, it gives me warmth.
"Was it hard? I'm sorry."
It's funny. Imagine, a man like Vallen Garrett Alejo is apologizing to someone like me.
"I am not forcing you to do anything. Do what makes you comfortable," sabi pa niya. I sniffed. I'm comfortable being alone... but it's scary to be just all by myself...
"You don't have to say or explain anything. I believe in you." Dagdag niya. I keep sniffling as my tears also keep falling.
We stayed like that for about five minutes or so. Once I calmed down, he asked me if I was feeling hungry. Doon ko napagtanto na gabi na pala at napahaba ang aking tulog.
Kasalukuyan kaming nasa elevator. We reached the first floor and we headed straight to the dining room.
Hindi pa rin pala siya nakain. He was waiting for me to be awake so we can eat together. He didn't wake me up because I looked like I was tired, according to him.
May mga lumabas na maid at naghanda ng pagkain. Ivan was already there, sa dining room as if he:s waiting for us to arrive.
Pinaghila ako ni Ivan ng upuan, umupo naman ako. Our food is now served at pinagsilbihan kami ng mga maid. I am not used to this even if I'm Lambrente myself because ever since my image got destroyed, they never once let me join in any meal with them together.
I bitterly smiled. Of course, it was still Lorraine's doing.
Nang may pagkain na ang aking plato, hinintay ko munang magsimula si Vallen bago ako nagsimula.
Silence fell in every corner of the hall.
But then Vallen break the silence...
"Let's get married, Lesley."
...which made me almost choke on my food.
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- Writer
