Becoming The Female Alpha

7

His words descended down like cold water, enough to dampen whatever mood we were in, and I released a long sigh.

The moment we had shared was shattered, and he had managed to ruin the beautiful time that we had.

“You can’t do that.” My whispers were the only thing that could be heard in the room. Everything was still; even the noise of the air conditioner was now a dull hum, as if they could all sense how serious the situation was.

“Maddie.” Toby tried pulling me towards him, but I shrugged his hands off, refusing to be lured.

“You can’t do that, Toby; you can’t. This was the only request I told you not to ask me, yet you did it.” I tightened my fingers in the fist—tight enough that my knuckles were getting white—it was the only thing that was keeping me sane.

“I know; I thought I could do it, Maddie. I thought I could watch you go and continue living my life, but after today I know it is impossible.”

“Toby!” I cried out, turning my back to him as a lone tear fell down my eyes. I have been doing a lot of crying lately, quite unlike me. “Don’t do that.”

“I tried; goddess knows that I f*****g tried, but I can’t live without you.” His voice was clear as he spoke, and I praise him for maintaining such level headedness when I am falling apart. “You have become a constant in my life, Maddy, and your presence has soothed the ache inside me. It is impossible for me to let go.”

The bed creaked as he shifted towards me, and I allowed it, unable to resist his touch anymore. If today was going to be our last day together, then I will have to enjoy it to the fullest.

“We deserve to be happy; we deserve this, Maddie. Please stay.”

“Selfish.” The words left my mouth before I could think it through, but Toby had heard it, and he broke into a short laugh.

“Selfish?” His tone rose in disbelief, as if he couldn’t believe how ridiculous it was, and I could picture him shaking his head. “You are the selfish one, Maddie; all this time, I had to go out of my way to accommodate your excesses. I had to hold back because you would be uncomfortable. You have been in this pack for months, but we have made no progress in our bond; your neck still is devoid of my mark, and you dare say I was the selfish one?”

I turned my head sharply, unable to bear the false accusation, and I sat up facing him. Toby, realizing the seriousness of it, sat up, but for the first time, his glare was directed towards me.

I had a lot to say as the anger had begun to bubble in my body, but I took a deep breath, refusing to lose it on my mate. And it was only when I was calm that I opened my mouth.

“I am an Alpha, Toby, one that has spent too long away from her pack, only because of this bond. I tried to make sure that it didn’t grow between us because it was going to be hard to let go. I did it because I was thinking of you and...” I paused, releasing my breath when I was getting heated. “That is beside the point, but I have a responsibility to my pack, and I have to fulfill it, so I must leave. I have to.” I finished off in a whisper, and I resisted the urge to give myself a pat on the back.

I had managed to convey my thoughts without blowing off—a miracle if you ask me.

“Do you?” Toby asked, and I tore my gaze from the bed to look at him—really look at him—at the frown lines on his forehead and the way his lips pressed in a firm line.

“I don’t understand.”

“Do you really have to go or you can’t handle being with someone you are higher than?”

“Toby!” I was sure that my voice could be heard through the hallway, but I was gone past caring. He had crossed the line, mate or not, I won’t take that s**t.

“I know you, Maddie; you feed from the power, and you must have been disappointed when you discovered I was your mate; that was why you got another room, and why you have been hiding from me. It has been in the law that the female would have to move to the male’s pack, but you have refused to do so because your ego wouldn’t allow it.”

“Toby,” I began in a grave voice, and he lowered his head, the authority too much to bear. “This is where you are wrong; the less strong one moves to the stronger one’s pack, and it has nothing to do with gender. I will only tolerate this because you are my mate and you are angry. In terms of rank, I am above you, but I have given you due respect as a mate, and I expect you to respect that. But I will not tolerate any disrespect.”

“Maddie.” The anger was gone from his voice, and he stretched out his hands to reach me, but I evaded it, shifting away from him, even though it physically hurt me to do so.

“I think we have done enough talking for the day. It is getting late already, and I have to wake up on time to prepare for my journey. Goodnight.”

Yeap, I could be a b***h sometimes.

I shifted until I got to my regular spot, more than 10 inches away from him, my heart sinking with every distance I put, but it was necessary.

I turned my back to him and curled myself into a ball, but I could still feel his eyes on me, boring holes into my back, and once in a while he cleared his throat as if he were about to say something.

He was quick to give up when I made no move, and the bed creaked as he laid down.

The minutes dragged on, but it felt like hours as we lay in the suffocating silence, and I continued turning and tossing, unable to bear it.

This wasn’t the first time we were sleeping with such distance, but this was the worst silence that we have had, and I couldn’t take it anymore.

“There is nothing here for me if I stay. I will be only referred to as the mate of the head warrior; it is not exactly bad, but I know I can be more, and I don’t want to limit myself. You have already made a name for yourself, and it is time I do mine. I know it is a big thing I am asking, but I hope you understand.”

There was silence after my words, and I was afraid he was sleeping or had decided to pay a deaf ear, and I closed my eyes, giving myself to sleep.

But his soft voice broke the still air. “I understand, and I apologize for some of the words I used. It is only right that you claim what belongs to you, and I wish you the best.”

This was all I wanted him to say in the beginning, yet hearing him say so in such a monotone voice did nothing to help.

But I was a greedy b***h, and I would accept anything he gave.

“Yea.”

Toby was the one that closed the gap this time, and he took me in his arms, cuddling me, his touch reminding me that we were still completely naked.

A good thing, because I could feel his body on mine, and it was comforting in a non-s****l way.

“You bled.” He murmured softly in the dark. If that was his way of easing the tension, I would go for it; there was no need to ruin our last night together, especially when it was our first time being intimate.

“A shocker.” I shrugged, feeling his body vibrate as he laughed.

“Only you, Maddie, only you.”

It wasn’t exactly a lie; I never had a man penetrate me, but that didn’t mean I was innocent. I have been experimenting—with myself, of course—and I had believed I was not new to it. Bleeding was the last thing I had expected, but it had happened.

“Goodnight.” I whispered, unable to keep my eyes closed even though I was dreading it.

“Goodnight.” Toby pressed a kiss on my forehead, and I closed my eyes, cherishing this final moment with my mate.