The smell of fresh coffee mixed with freshly baked bread always brought me a strange feeling. Part comfort, part nausea. Maybe because lately, almost everything in my life had that same contrast.
The morning at the café was busy. It was Monday, and as always, customers rushed in, ordering their coffees to go and pastries wrapped in a hurry. The doorbell rang nonstop, accompanied by the clinking of cups and the constant sound of steam from the espresso machine.
"Manu, table four wants two cappuccinos and a croissant!" Rose shouted from the kitchen, her voice always loud but never harsh.
"Coming!" I replied, balancing a tray while smiling at a couple who had just sat down.
My feet were already complaining inside my worn-out sneakers, but I ignored them. My body had gotten used to the heavy rhythm, even at almost six months pregnant. The apron hid the increasingly evident curve of my belly, but I knew it wouldn't be long before I couldn't hide it anymore.
After serving another wave of customers and making a quick stop in the kitchen to help assemble sandwiches, the clock finally struck noon. I sighed with relief when Rose appeared at the door with her hands on her hips.
"Time to eat, girl. Before I carry you to the back room by force!" she said, gesturing with her chin. "And take this." She handed me a napkin with an improvised ham and cheese sandwich.
"Thank you, Rose." I smiled, accepting the gesture with gratitude.
In the staff room, the space was too small for more than three people to sit, but at that moment it was empty. I sat on the plastic chair, letting out a heavy sigh as I unwrapped the sandwich.
The door opened with its usual creak, and Rose appeared with two lunch boxes in her hands.
"One is mine, and the other was Janine's, but the pretty one didn't show up today. Lucky you," she said, smiling as she settled next to me and pushed one of the lunch boxes toward me. "It's still warm."
"Rose, I can't accept..." I started to say, but she interrupted me with a look that didn't allow for argument.
"Yes, you can. You're eating for two now, remember? Open it."
I gave in, laughing softly, and opened the lid. The rich smell of fluffy rice with chicken stew and vegetables made my stomach growl so loudly that Rose laughed.
"See? She—" she pointed at my belly "—is protesting against that little sandwich."
"You spoil us too much," I said, taking the first spoonful to my mouth and almost moaning with pleasure at the homemade flavor. "It's delicious."
Rose started eating from her own lunch box, with calm movements. The sound of spoons clinking against the containers was almost relaxing.
"So?" she began, with a curious tone. "How's the pregnancy? Everything okay with the baby?"
"Yes..." I replied with a small smile. "I had my first appointment at the public hospital, and so far, everything is fine. I heard her heartbeat for the first time. It was..." I hesitated, searching for words. "It was indescribable."
Rose smiled, her dark eyes full of warmth.
"I bet it was. When's your next appointment?"
"At the end of the week. It's going to be an ultrasound."
She nodded, chewing slowly, before casting a more curious look.
"And the father?"
My fork stopped in the air for a second. I sighed and let it fall onto the plate.
"He... showed up."
"Really?" Her tone wasn't one of surprise, but of expectation.
"Yes. It all happened so fast, Rose. That day, I just wanted to help a drunk customer. He seemed so lost..." My mind filled with the image of Ravi that night, the way his golden eyes studied me, as if trying to memorize every detail. "We spent the night together and... I disappeared. I thought I'd never see him again."
Rose didn't say anything, just watched me with that calm of someone who listens more with their heart than with their ears.
"I was focused on college. On my sick father. On my job. There was no room for anything else. But then... he showed up at the café the other day." I gave a nervous smile. "And at lunch yesterday, he said he wants to be present. He wants to come to the next appointment."
Rose put down her fork, resting her chin on her hand.
"And you? What do you want, Manu?"
The question hit me deep.
"I don't know. Part of me wants to run away. Part of me wants to let him in... but there's Roger. And the fear."
Rose sighed, reaching out her wrinkled hand to cover mine.
"Dear, you already carry so much weight alone. There's no shame in wanting to share that with someone who seems willing to help. And it's not just about you anymore. It's about her."
My eyes burned.
"I'm just so scared..."
"I know. But fear can't be the only voice guiding you. Sometimes, we need to hold on to the right people, even when it's hard to trust."
Silence settled between us, but it wasn't uncomfortable. It was the kind of silence that brings comfort.
Rose gave my hand a loving pat and smiled.
"You have a good heart, Manu. I see it every day. Now you just need to believe you deserve someone who sees it too."
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. I finished my lunch with my heart a little lighter, though my head remained a whirlwind. As I went back to the counter, Ravi wouldn't leave my mind—and for the first time in a long time, the thought of him made me feel something beyond fear.