Today will be a good day. It’s a fresh start. A clean slate. Today is the day everything changes for me. Today will be a good day. I’d repeated those words back to myself in the mirror over and over again, until a part of me had truly started to believe them. That was all before I came downstairs though. I should have known better than to trust a stupid mantra.
“Where the hell do you think you’re going?” My father’s voice boomed from the couch the minute I turned the lock on the front door. A shiver ran down my spine, my blood turning to ice at just the sound of his voice. I hadn’t always had this reaction to him, but in the past few months he’d gotten so much worse. I’d snuck around the house so carefully this morning, getting dressed and throwing together a quick lunch all while tiptoeing around the house so as not to wake my father from the spot where he’d passed out on the couch last night. It was always that stupid lock though, like the sound of the front door unlocking was somehow programmed into my father’s brain like an alarm clock.
I gripped the strap of my backpack a little tighter, forcing myself to turn and face him. He was sitting up on the couch now, ready to jump on me. I wanted to hold my ground in front of him, knowing that anytime I cowered away it had only made things worse.
“I’m just going to school, it’s my first day of classes today.” I said, trying to keep my voice calm and steady.
After the last year I’d had, I really needed some good things to start happening to me. I was leaving it all behind me today. This had been the year my mom got sick. The year my dad cracked under the stress of her medical bills and became an alcoholic. The year my mom faced a losing battle only to end up barely hanging on to her life in a hospital bed. The year my dad began going into blind fits of rage which I too often got caught hairs of. The year my dad began to beat me.
I stared back at my father as his face twisted up in anger. We’d had this argument a hundred times probably now, but it never got any easier.
“I thought I told you you’re not going to school this year. You’ve had enough of an education, it’s time you stopped being so damn lazy and got to work!” His voice boomed and in an instant he was up off the couch, crossing the room and slamming my body back against the wall. I grimaced as the pain shot down my spine, my backpack wedged between me and the drywall.
My father’s face hung over mine, that familiar cruel glint in his eyes as he cast his evil glare over me. It was ironic, how he could barely hold a job thanks to his alcoholism, meanwhile I worked three just to keep our family afloat. Between his spending at the liquor store and my mother’s medical bills, it was a miracle the government hadn’t taken away our house yet.
“I have to go,” I tried to squirm away from him but his hold on my shoulders was too tight. He leaned in a little closer, his rancid breath washing over me. I closed my eyes, bracing for what came next. When I couldn’t see him, I tried to imagine my father for the man he once was, even if that man didn’t exist anymore.
“How many times have I told you, you’re wasting your money! Go out there and get a job like the rest of us!” He’d yelled in my face as the tears blazed down my cheeks.
I blinked back the tears and pushed the memory of my father as deep down as I could. I couldn’t let him get to me. I needed to go to university to get my nursing degree. I needed the education to get the job I wanted. If only he could understand, but there was no reasoning with an alcoholic.
The sharp pain came across my cheek in a flash as his hand slapped across my face. I tensed, immediately preparing myself for another blow but my father seemed to have had enough. I knew better than to say anything else, it was always better to keep quiet, as my father walked away from me and headed for the liquor cabinet. I took the opportunity to bolt to the car, not pausing for even a second to look back. Only once I was inside with the engine started, did I dare to look back at the front door.
I let out a breath of relief when I saw it still tightly closed. He hadn’t followed me.
I pulled down the visor and flipped open the mirror to get a look at the red mark on my cheek. My face was red and blotchy from the tears, my fathers hand print still visible in it’s shadow.. My hollow green eyes didn’t look the same as they had before all of this began. I’d like to think that I was prettier once, or had more life in me, but this was all that was left. I was a little too thin, a little stressed out, and a little exhausted no matter what time of the day it was. My wavy brown hair was untameable, always knotted in a bun on top of my head.
One more look over myself in the mirror and I nodded my head in defeat before turning away. This was as good as it was going to get. I’d learned a long time ago that there was no magic button that was going to mask my mess of a being.
Today will be a good day, a fresh start, a clean slate. I smiled to myself as I put the car in gear and headed towards what I had hoped would be the moment my life would change. Today I started college, which means no more high school bullies and hopefully a little less embarrassment for myself. I’d been working towards this moment all year long, balancing three jobs to save for my tuition while also trying to deal with my father and make time to visit my mom in the hospital. It was been one hell of an exhausting year, but maybe this was finally the light at the end of the tunnel.
Today will be a good day, a fresh start, a clean slate. One more time, and I just might believe it. Little did I know, the universe already had other plans in mind for me.
——————————
“Are you s-sure?” My bottom lip trembled as I stuttered out the words. It was taking everything I had to hold back the tears as I sat across the table from my boss at the diner, Jess. I’d gone into this day with such high hopes for what it held for me, but right about now I was really regretting ever allowing myself to be that optimistic. After the last year, I should know by now to expect the worse. I mean first seemingly good day in a while, of course it had to start out with me getting laid off from the best job I have.
“Come on Car, this is already hard enough on me. Business just hasn’t been great.” Jess was stating the obvious as the two of us glanced around the almost empty diner. There were less than 5 customers in the whole place, and lately this could be considered a breakfast rush for us.
“I promise, when things kick up again then you’ll be right back on the schedule. This is just temporary.” She added, reaching across the table to squeeze my hands with reassurance but it wasn’t helping in the slightest.
Of the three part time jobs I’d taken on this year, the diner had by far been my favourite. Jess had been a great manager, the hours fit so easily around my school schedule, and the tips on top of a regular paycheque were just an added bonus. Of course, these past few weeks had been pretty slow at the diner, but I’d never thought I’d be laid off because of it.
What the hell was I supposed to do now? I had no idea, but I did know one thing for sure. I had to get out of here before I turned into a blubbering mess and made a huge embarrassment of myself.
“I have to go, I’m going to be late for class.” I said, feeling rather frustrated with this whole conversation. I jumped up from the booth before Jess could guilt trip me any further. I was the one being laid off here, the last thing I wanted to do was try and make her feel better about it.
Jess called after me, reminding me that she’d be in touch as soon as she had some available hours for me, but right now I was too frustrated to care. I was hopeful that her call would come because I really did need those hours, but right now I felt nothing but defeated. Last night had been bad enough, wasn’t karma supposed to be taking it easy on me today? I mean today of all days, the universe just couldn’t let me have just one good day?
I climbed into my car once again and turned the key in the ignition. The engine groaned, stuttering a few times before it finally came to life. I pulled out of the parking lot, glancing down at the clock only once I was on the road and noting that I was already several minutes behind schedule.
I was lucky if I made it to campus before my first class started, never mind actually found the lecture hall. This day was definitely not off to the good start I had hoped for. Two strikes already and the day had barely begun.
I tugged at my sweater sleeves, wishing I had had time to go to the restroom and reapply some concealer to hide my bruises a little better before heading to class. I was already running late though, and this professor was known to be a stickler for punctuality. So I headed straight to class, pulling open the lecture hall door and sneaking in as quietly as I possibly could.
My eyes quickly scanned the rows of seats and spotted an empty aisle set just a couple of rows down. I made a move towards it, but a booming voice startled me halfway there.
“Excuse me!” It called I couldn’t hide the way his raised voice made my whole body flinch. “This class started over 5 minutes ago and I expect my students to be on time.”
He began what I could only assume would be the start of a much longer rant. My shoulder’s drooped in defeat as I stared wide eyed back at the professor at the front of the class. A few voices snickered around the classroom and I had no choice but to keep my eyes forwards and focused on the professor. I couldn’t look to my classmates, not when I was already heading down the same path of being the classroom freak.
I knew I was in deep trouble. I found myself crossing my fingers behind my back, just praying he wouldn’t kick me out. Mentally, I prepared myself to try and explain why I was late to class, but my opportunity never came.
“Sorry, professor!” A smooth voice echoed behind me, its owner’s arm suddenly wrapping around my shoulders. “It’s my fault. Got lost on the way to class and Carolyn had to come rescue me.”
I almost stuttered in response, shock washing over me as I turned to see the handsome man rescuing me.
Damian Arisson, star hockey player and campus playboy was grinning at the professor like they were best friends while simultaneously becoming my knight in shining armour. His stature towered over me, he had to be nearly 6’5 standing almost a whole foot over my head. His charming grin flashed down to me, making that strong jawline and curly black hair fall into his eyes all the more intoxicating. It wasn’t hard to see why women swooned over the sight of this man.
My eyes flashed back to the professor, knowing there was no way that this was going to work. Yet, it did.
“Take your seats,” the professor grumbled before turning back to the board and just like that, I was free.
What the hell was that? I was totally about to be reamed out by the professor in front of the whole class, then Damian just walked in and saved the day. I mean it figures though. No one has more respect in an Econ 101 class than son of a famous business tycoon. And no one has more respect on this campus than a member of the Bulldogs Hockey Team. Ultimately, that made Damian just about invincible, but who knew that power even extended over the faculty members? People like him didn’t have bad days like mine.
I wasn’t one to argue with any bit of luck thrown in my direction though. No, instead I just maneuvered my way quickly to an empty spot. I settled into my seat, pulling out my pen and notebook then trying to focus as the professor carried onwards with the lecture. There was still one thing about all of this that my mind couldn’t make sense of though, how the hell does Damian know my name and why did he come to my rescue today?