Rugged Men Series 5: Kayden Gonzales (TAGALOG)

Chapter 3

“GONZALES, what the f**k?” tanong ni Wyatt nang makalabas siya sa silid na kinaroroonan ni Patrice nang makatulog na ito. “Why did you do it?”

“I have no choice,” sagot ni Kayden at nag-aalala na sumipat dito. “It’s my fault anyway. She lost her sight because of me. She lost her husband because of me. If I just leave them as I shouldn't then I should be the one who has died and not Ayden.”

“That’s bullshit,” wika ni Wyatt at masama na tumingin sa kanya. “You’re not thinking straight, Hernandez. Go back to that room and take back what you said. Say that Ayden is the one who died and not you. You can’t do this to yourself.”

Malungkot na umismid si Kayden sa kinauupuan na wheelchair. “I already did...”

“The fuck...” mariing anas ni Wyatt at sinapo ang noo pagkatapos ay nanggigil na hinagod ang buhok. “What you did is f**k, Gonzales. You are putting a burden on yourself. You are weighing this responsibility that wasn't supposed to be yours. You lied in front of your sister-in-law and you just fake an identity.”

“Relax, Hernandez...” sansala ni Nikolas sa mahinahon lamang na boses para mapatigil si Wyatt at bumuntong-hininga. “Everyone is devastated on Ayden’s death. We all are. But, Gonzales, I agree with Hernandez, what you’re trying to do is here is different. You are doing this out of impulse.”

“I’m not doing this out of impulse,” sagot ni Kayden at umiling-iling. “I’m doing this because I’m guilty. I should be the one who died and not Ayden. He has a family.”

“What happened that day is not your fault. It’s a natural disaster, Gonzales. Don’t be hard on yourself,” pagbibigay-diin ni Nikolas para mapayuko siya at mapaluha.

“If I just... leave that time. If I just f*****g listen to my twin...” Hindi na napigilan ni Kayden ang paghikbi nang maalala ang kanyang ginawa ng araw na iyon. “Aiden wouldn't have died. It’s my fault. I admit it already. So, please... just... let me do this to repay what I did. Let me repent. This is the only thing I could do to ease this guilt inside me.”

“Bullshit!” muling palahaw ni Wyatt at masamang tumingin sa kanya. “Every person has their time. It’s obviously not yours.”

Napayuko na lamang si Kayden bilang pagsang-ayon ngunit gayundin ay pagtutol. He believed that it was his time that day. He just play with the devil and he was miraculously saved. He could have been the one who lose sight but it ended with Patrice. He could be the one who died and not Ayden. He meddled with destiny and ends up being lucky. And he couldn't be happy because of that. He has to suffer for his brother's demise. He deserves this punishment more than anyone else. More than Patrice who was now blind.

“I believe Gonzales has plan for this...” pagbasang ng ingay ni Nikolas at mariin na tumingin sa kanya “Right?”

Tumingin si Kayden sa kaibigan at tumango. “If Patrice regain her vision again. I will explain to her.”

“She wouldn’t forgive you,” giit ni Wyatt at umiling. “She hate you before, this time when she knew your deception, she will curse you.”

“I would take all the hate. I deserve it anyway,” sagot ni Kayden para mapailing-iling na lamang si Wyatt sa kinatatayuan.

“And what about Aiden?” tanong ni Nikolas para mapapikit si Kayden at mapahilot sa sentido nang maalala niya ang dalawang taon anak ng kanyang kakambal.

“I’m doing this for the both of them,” ani Kayden at lumunok. “I would be his father even if that boy doesn't know me well as his uncle. I will treat him well. I will treat him just like how my brother treats his son.”

“It’s not like it’s easy...” pasaring ni Wyatt at masama ang mga mata na sumipat sa kanya. “You hate kids.”

“This is the punishment for me,” sagot ni Kayden at marahas na hinawi ang mga luha. “Besides, growing up without a father is one of a child’s greatest nightmares. Ayden and I are lucky because we didn't experience that, and that is why I would like Aiden to have the same.”

“Apparently, he have to face that problem once Patrice regain her vision. Ganoon pa rin ang kakahantungan ng pamangkin mong si Aiden,” giit ni Wyatt.

“When he grew a little older, he will understand my reasons. But he’s just...” ani Kayden at napahikbi nang kumawala ang mga luha sa kanyang mga mata. “Two years old. He’s too young to face all of this mess I brought to his family.”

Napabuntong-hininga si Wyatt at napahilamos sa mukha. “I disagree with this plan of yours and it’s making me think twice about going to Tokyo. I already made my decision of going and this accident happened. I was about to fly to train archery tomorrow.”

“Are you really going? How about Madison?” tanong ni Nikolas at at umupo sa pinakamalapit na mesa. “You and Jackson just passed the law exam.”

“She’s mad at me for making my mind,” sagot ni Wyatt at nagpakawal nang malalim na paghinga. “But I needed to go. It’s better that way because I know I couldn't leave her if I saw her crying. But I believe that Madison is strong, she will get passed this. She will understand. She will move on. As for the dream of wanting to be a prosecutor, I give up after a lot of thinking. I mean, I love defending people who seek justice. I love to be in court, yes, but... I realized love archery more. It’s not the same.”

“Just like how you love archery over being a prosecutor, I want to change. I’ve been hard to Patrice since the day she married my twin. I never even get to know my nephew,” pagbibigay-alam ni Kayden at umismid. “This is the cost of my twin’s life. They are my responsibility now whether I like it or not.”

Nagkatinginan sina Wyatt at Nikolas at napatango. Kahit pa man tumutol ang mga ito ay hindi pa rin naman magbabago ang kanyang desisyon. Kailangan niyang gawin ito para sa mag-ina ng kanyang kambal. He hurt them enough. It’s time for him to do what Ayden would do. Unfortunately for him, he was the one who live and not his twin. Either way, he cannot be happy when someone who will be in pain.

“You go, Wyatt. Chase your lifelong dream. I will be fine,” pagtitiyak ni Kayden para mapatango-tango ito. “Madison is mad right now, I know. Everybody knows. Just by thinking you leaving us makes me sad. Make us sad. But you will be back for sure. Madali lang lumipas ang taon. Just like life, opportunity only happens once, you should grab it.”

Napatango-tango si Wyatt. “I will.”

Nang makaalis na si Wyatt upang maghanda sa pag-alis papunta sa Tokyo ay nagpahinga na muna si Kayden. Ngunit nang mabagot sa silid ay naisipan niyang puntahan si Patrice gamit ang automatic wheelchair. Doon ay nakita niya itong mahimbing na natutulog. Just like what she expected, she only look sharp but she is angel when she’s sleeping. Payapa na payapa ito sa kinahihigaan.

Hindi alam ni Kayden kung anong pumasok sa kanyang utak ng lapitan niya ito upang hawakan ang kamay nito. He stare at her and apologize in silence. If it wasn't for him, Patrice wouldn't have lose her sight. She wouldn't have lost her husband. She wouldn't have lost her joy. And he can't stop her from being happy. Nakita niya ang tuwa na bumakas sa mukha nito nang malaman nito na buhay ang asawa. What would Patrice reaction if she knew that he live instead of Ayden? Her reaction when she knew that he’s just lying?

No matter what his friends would say, he knew it was his fault. He doesn't need to deny it because it was clearly his. And God knew how guilty he was at that time. Ayden died being mad at him. They were in a quarrel before the incident. He knew how much Ayden hates him before the accident happened. As his twin, it only gave him regret and sorrow. As for himself, he wished to die instead of Ayden. And the most horrible part is that he can't do anything about the unfortunate muddle but bury his identity and live as his twin. It was the punishment he will gladly face. Only then he would be contented.

Napapikit si Kayden at pinisil ang kamay nito. Husto ang pagbawi niya ng kamay ang pagmulat ni Patrice at pagtingin sa paligid.

“Is anyone here?” tanong ni Patrice at nanatili siyang tahimik.

Napatitig lamang siya dito kung paano ito luminga-linga sa paligid na tila pa nababalisa. If he’s in Patrce situation, he would have felt the same. Losing a sight is like losing a life. It’s like opening your eyes but cannot see anything but dark sorounding. It would have give him a huge anxiety. Horror even. Animosity towards her situation. Hindi niya alam kung bakit ang dali nitong natanggap ang pagkawala ng mga paningin. Dahil kung siya ang nasa posisyon ni Patrice ay tiyak na mahirap niya itong matatanggap. Having a sight is everything. However, Patrice is different. She just embrace like it doesn't bother her at all making him even guilty.

“Please, tell me. At least someone is here with me,” wika ni Patrice at nag-aalala na tumingin sa paligid.

When Patrice start sobbing, he restrain himself to hug her. To touch her to ease her worry away. Bumukas ang pinto at nakita niya ang pagpasok ni Nikolas na ikinagulat nito. He looked at him and went straight to Patrice.

“Everything’s fine, Pat,” pagtitiyak ni Nikolas para mapalinga-linga si Patrice.

“How about Ayden? How is he?” tanong ni Patrice para mapatingin sa kanya si Nikolas.

He wanted to shout at her. He wanted to be angry. How can Patrice worry for others rather than herself? How can she be so selfless at a time like this? With her disability, she was supposed to think for her own good.

“He’s okay. His body has been in a comma for half a day and he’s on a wheelchair,” pagbibigay-alam ni Nikolas para mapatango-tango si Patrice at huminang ng puno nang pagkaginhawa.

“Can I see him?” tanong ni Patrice.

Tumingin sa kanya si Nikolas kaya tinanguhan niya ito at inihudyat na idahilan na siya ay natutulog.

“Yes, of course. But Ayden is sleeping now so he couldn't.” ani Nikolas para mapangiti si Patrice bago napaluha.

“I am glad that he live but I am sad that Kayden didn't make it,” wika ni Patrice para mapatingin siya kay Patrice.

He saw how Nikolas gazed at him but he keeps on staring at Patrice. He knew how much Patrice hates him but she was showing pity... which is absurd because she should be celebrating of the thought that he’s gone from her life. That he’s finally dead.

“I need to talk to my husband. It must have been hard for Ayden to lose his twin,” wika ni Patrice at humikbi. “I know how much he loves his twin Kayden. I remember how Ayden wants us to be friends and not fight anymore...”

Palihim na napaluha si Kayden at umiling na tiningnan ito. He knew it, too. All Ayden wants was for them to be friends.

“And I can’t do it anymore because Kayden is dead.” Napalakas ang paghugulhol nito para magpakibot sa kanyang labi sa sobrang pagpipigil niya ng luha. “If I have known... then I would have let him tag along with us without getting angry. Because of me, Kayden is dead. I am really sorry.”

Napayuko si Kayden at para bang may kung anong kidlat ng realisasyon ang tumama sa kanya. He have judged Patrice a lot. Hate her a lot. He didn't knew how much Patrice is thoughtful toward others. Hindi ito nagtatanim ng galit. Hindi ito katulad niya na walang ginawa kundi sumbatan ito at pagsabihan nang masasamang salita. He didn't know that Patrice is that selfless. And that she was blaming herself because of the accident.

Noon ay hindi niya maintindihan kung bakit nahulog dito ang kanyang kambal, ngunit ngayon ay alam niya na ang rason ni Ayden. Patrice has a good heart.