Lavender

Chapter 23 - Effect

LAVENDER'S POV 

I can't erase the memory of what happened to Damon and me last night. Even after hiding myself from Damon the whole day, the memory of him kissing me is like a virus that keeps entering my mind, making me feel so conflicted. 

Damon looks like someone who's not even looking uncomfortable for what happened last night during our breakfast earlier. Just like what he always appears like, Damon looks cold but casual. 

I don't even know if he remembers what happened last night because he is also drunk but I hate that he's looking good earlier as he eats his breakfast while I'm trying hard not to look sleepy because of that i***t who made me up all night.

So right after I finished eating my breakfast earlier, I waited for Daisy to be finished with her breakfast before going out, literally avoiding Damon.  Damn that man! Damon doesn't know how hard I tried to help him go in his room but damn his body. He's a tall and heavy person and what am I? A five feet tall trying to carry a drunkard man after kissing me inappropriately. 

And Damon being a big drunkard baby, I needed help that's why even if it's already midnight, called Larry that happens to be with Damon drinking so he's a bit tipsy but he managed to help me bring Damon in his room and after that, I scold Larry for letting Damon get drunk.

He should not have let Damon get drunk because first of all, Damon always goes home when it's dawn. Second, Damon is only driving alone. I'm thankful that it did not happen but what if Damon got into an accident because he's drunk, Daisy will be extremely sad and scared for his brother and I don't want any of that to happen but Larry being a jerk, he just laughed at me before going back to his home.

And just like that, after cleaning Damon and refreshing him up with a soak warm towel, I became restless. I can still remember every detail of Damon's ripped body and his eight-pack abs. Just when Damon became so fit? I really don't know if Damon is already fit back then but if my memory serves me right, what I only notice to Damon is how tall he is. 

I stilled when I realized that I'm thinking about Damon again. That i***t. I shouldn't actually think about him. Even if he is a good kisser that made me weak last night, I can't forget the fact that he doesn't care about what I'm going to say regarding his sister, Daisy in spite of the fact that his words made me weak last night, I can't fall to that. 

I can't fall to Damon or to Daisy. I don't know what is Damon's plan if ever something happened to the both of us last night as he appears still a stranger to me even if I knew him from our high school days. I haven't really had a chance to also observe him since I got here because he also usually goes to work really early where I'm still asleep like five or six in the morning while he comes home at dawn like what the old maid just told me.  

But enough of this, Lavender! I hit my forehead with my right palm as I realize that I'm still thinking about Damon. "Goddamn, that i***t doesn't want to leave my mind!" I hissed under my breath.

He shouldn't really have kissed me. Now, I'm literally conflicted as the memory of Damon and what he did keeps entering my mind and I hate it. I need to stop myself from being affected too much. Damon may have shaken my world last night but I can't let what happened to affect me again. 

And I must stay pissed because Damon is still my employer and being his employee does not mean that he has the card to not say sorry for what he did. I need him to apologize for what he did as he also made me restless last night. Even if he pissed me, I still took care of him but seeing his relaxed and unconcern appearance earlier while eating breakfast. It only made me feel more frustrated as I'm not like him. 

How can he not look disturbed just like I am? How can he look so cool and relaxed like nothing happened to the both of us? Is he really that drunk to forget what happened or he's just acting ignorant because he knows what happened, that he remembers everything?

God, I'm so f****d up! Why did I even answer his kisses last night? I shouldn't have answered his fvcking kisses! I should not have let my body give in. Even if the hotness of his body has burned my skin to be turned on, even if the effect of his calloused hand in my globes has made me lost my mind, the fact that I liked-no. I did not just like what Damon did and effect to me. I loved his way on me last night. 

Damon is actually the first one who has kissed and touched me the way he did last. He is the first one who has closed the distance between men and me. He is the one who stole my first kiss. He is the one who has touched a part of my body that I have been hiding with baggy and unstylish clothes like what Jada said. 

My eyes widen when I remember Jada. Oh, my God! What if Jada became angry at me once she discovered that something happened last night between Damon and me? Damn it! Why did I even forget my best friend? My best friend, Jada Fraser who has a big crush way back when we are just in high school. 

I don't know if Jada still has an interest in Damon because many years already passed but I have watched how Jada became sad after knowing that Damon is not attending our school anymore. She became heartbroken for many months until she started liking another guy. But even if many years already passed and that has already like countless men, I'm still scared that she might get angry with me and I can't let it happen so I will do anything to avoid Damon. 

I don't care if he is my boss, he had crossed the line between being a professional employer and being a jerk anyway and while he is not apologizing and I can't see to him that he's sorry then I will continue to act bitchy. 

I promised that any teasing he will do, I will avoid or stop him. What happened last night was really inappropriate. What if everyone discovered that my employer kissed and touched me on my globes. It's going to be embarrassing especially to Jada who still has no idea that Damon is my boss. 

"Earth to Lavender!" Daisy suddenly said that made me jumped from the chair that I'm sitting on. 

"What the hell, Daisy?" I said, shocked and confused as she also looks at me with her brows raised. 

"Yeah, what the hell, Lavender. I have been talking here and you are not actually listening," she said that made me palm my face. 

"Uh, sorry. I'm just thinking."

"Thinking of what?" she asked as she sits in the chair just beside me. 

We are currently in the kitchen. Daisy decided to bake so I accompanied her here to help but Daisy doesn't want me to help at all. She said that she wanted to bake because she wants to create one. Daisy told me that she hasn't really learned cooking or baking as they have their cooks to do that. She admits that she's a bratty princess of the Ellington family but after being diagnosed with early-onset dementia, Daisy seems like started appreciating the limited time she still has before her condition gets worse. 

"I was thinking about, uh..." Oh, hell no. I don't know what to say. 

I can't also tell her that her brother and I did something inappropriate as an employer and employee. Daisy is not judgemental nor a b***h but I expect that she will be disgusted with me as she already said to me about her past caregivers seducing her brother instead of working properly with her. 

"I-uh... I don't know if I can say it to you, Daisy. I don't want you to change your treatment at me once you find it out," I said, cursing at myself on my mind for being dishonest with Daisy but I really just don't want her to think that I'm one of those caregivers who after her brother. 

I really did not come here to be someone chasing Damon. I don't even know that Damon is going to be my boss and that Larry planned it because he's pairing me up with Damon. I admit that I was also blinded by the income that I'm going to collect working here for many months because even after finding out that it was Damon, who's going to be my boss, I still choose to be here. 

But after meeting Daisy, I don't care about the money I will get in this job. I want to help Daisy not just because of her condition but because I want to make her happy with the only family she's left, which is Damon. I want to make these two people happy again after their life has been a mess and unfair to both of them. 

"Oh, come on, Lavender. Try me. You look like someone who needs someone to talk to. It's written in your face earlier, you look pissed but confused," she said that made me shake my head, not wanting to say anything.

"I'm sorry, Issy. I really don't want to change the way you see me. Whatever that I'm thinking, I don't know if it's going to upset you or---"

"That's why I said that try me, Lavender. I'm not judgemental and whatever it is that you don't want to say to me, let me be the judge of it. I want you to be real honest with me, Lavender," she said before holding my hand that instantly made me uncomfortable as my heart started to race. "I want you to be the person who's honest with me, Lavender. I only have you and no one else as my friend." 

Damn it, Daisy. Why does she have to hold my hand? If only she knew that I'm bisexual, she would not hold my hand like what she's doing to my hand that is on top of the counter. s**t! I like Daisy a lot to the point that my nerves are getting crazy with just one touch of her hand. 

This Ellington sibling is killing me. But just like what Daisy said, maybe I shouldn't hide anything from her, although I'm petrified about her reaction once she finds out what happened between her brother and me. 

Even though Damon is the one who initiated the kiss and that I don't really like what Damon did to act that way towards me, what I did is matters. I gave in to Damon's charms last night. I answered his kisses that made me up last night. I let him touched me to a part of my body that I never thought will be touched by him. And to top everything, I'm really embarrassed to say it all to Daisy even if she wants me to be honest with her. 

It's like I'm putting myself in a place where Daisy is the important person to judge what happened between her brother and me. That's what I'm scared of, that Daisy will be mad and see me as someone who's only after her brother and not a friend to Daisy to at all.

But I turn my body and face Daisy while she's still holding my hand, making me feel flushed at the same time, nervous.