Please Break My Heart

Chapter 16

For some reason, something about the day made Ayanna extremely uncomfortable.

Things went well during the weekend and on Monday. Maxim and Ayanna got along well even during class on Monday. The problem began on Tuesday when Ayanna was on her Math class. What sucked about the Math class was that she knew no one in class. That aside from the fact that she quite disliked Math. It was not the dislike that she did not want to do Math anymore, rather it was the fact that Math did not like her very much. That was despite Lilia’s constant effort to tutor her. She just could not do Math. Period.

Okay, not period. Still, she did her best to pass Math.

Hence, why she felt like her world came crumbling down and that her heart was being pinched when she saw her score in the quiz they took the other week. Fifteen out of a hundred. And a note that said she may see her professor for consultation. She felt her face heating up. She was embarrassed. She never had that bad of a result before. It felt like everyone in the room was looking at her and judging her.

“Ugly and stupid,” they would tell her.

“Why can’t you just choose one? Why do you have to be ugly and stupid at the same time?”

It felt like everyone was sneering and laughing at her. She quickly hid her paper on her bag then when the professor dismissed the class, she immediately shot up from her seat. She felt tears prickling her eyes so she dashed out of her classroom to run to the bathroom. But the moment she exited the classroom, someone grabbed her forearm.

“Ayanna? Are you crying?” Lake asked, pulling her on the side so they would not be blocking the way.

Ayanna quickly wiped her tears, looking at the floor instead of Lake. “I’m just… probably not feeling that well.” After saying that, she felt Lake press a palm on her forehead.

“You’re not sick. Care to tell me what’s wrong? I’ll listen,” Lake softly said, gently cupping Ayanna’s face with both of his hands so that she could look at him. He wiped her excess tears as he looked into her eyes.

The female wanted to speak but she felt eyes on them. Eyes that seemed to be judging her. Eyes that seemed to be scrutinizing her. She felt suffocated and at that moment, for some reason, all she wanted was to cry in Lake’s arms. Before she could stop herself, she removed his hands on her face and pulled him into a hug. She buried her face on his chest. Then, she sobbed.

“Okay, okay,” Lake pat her back. “It’s okay, you’re okay. Tell me what happened, hmm?”

Shaking her head, she pulled Lake even closer. She was terrified. Earlier, she was only upset because of her grades, then she became scared of how people would view her, finally, she became terrified. Terrified of what Lake would think of her. Somehow, that was the worst and she did not know why.

*****

When Ayanna managed to calm down a little, Lake led her to his car where she continued to tear up as she sat on the shotgun seat. She would not tell him what was wrong and he was pretty damn sure it was not her menstruation this time.

“Are you going to skip for the rest of the day?” Lake found himself asking, looking like he had ran out of questions to ask.

“I am,” Ayanna sighed, wiping away the last tears that fell on her cheeks. “I’m sorry for crying like a child. I’m not usually like this, I swear. It’s just that things are getting bad and I don’t know what to do. But I’m fine. Sorry for taking your time.”

“Will you tell me what’s wrong?” Lake asked, sounding very gentle and patient.

Breathing deeply, Ayanna mustered her courage to speak of what happened. She felt the blush crept to her face. She realized how unreasonable she was being. She knew she was being ridiculous. It was just one Math quiz. It was not the end of the world. And not to mention her feelings were really weird and something she could not explain.

“I failed a Math quiz,” she mumbled softly, looking at her lap as she played with her fingers. She waited for Lake to laugh at her, to make fun of her outburst at such a trivial matter. But that did not come. She whipped her head at his direction, he looked like he was waiting for her to finish. “I…I felt embarrassed because I worked hard for it. Sorry. It’s a very trivial matter.”

“It’s not trivial if it upsets you, Ayanna. Your feelings are valid. You’re upset because you failed a quiz that you worked hard for. Even I would get upset.” Lake gave her a small smile. “Thank you for telling me. I know it’s not easy for you tell especially when you think it’s trivial.”

“Thank you, Lake.” She returned her smile.

As she did, there was this faint little sensation in her chest. She could not explain it but something like a wave was playing inside of her. It was ticklish—she could have giggled. She knew it was not because she liked Lake… or was it?

*****

Skipping class was not something Ayanna always did. But when she did, the reason would always be because she was sick. But not that day. She was not sick-sick that day. Instead, she was just feeling sick. When she told Lake about it, the boy agreed that she deserved a rest after crying a lot.

In order to cheer her up, Lake brought her to her training—it turned out, he was excused for the rest of the day because their game was going to be held soon. Ayanna did not know whether she should envy the boy or not. On one hand, he did not have to sit in a boring lecture. On the other, he would be physically exhausted. And the latter seemed less pleasing.

To be honest, Ayanna did not know what to expect from a basketball practice. She had never been to one before. Even so, she let Lake lead her to the courtside, letting her sit by the bleachers. The other boys saw her and they smiled and waved at her. Even Zaire smiled at her as if he already considered her as his friend. The female kind of felt bad. If she and Lake were to break up, would they treat her the same?

“I’ll go there to talk with my coach,” Lake told her, snapping her out of her melancholic thoughts. “If you need something, you can signal for me to come or just approach coach.”

Ayanna simply nodded. But Lake was crazy if he thought she was actually going to disturb his training. Nevertheless, he seemed pleased that she nodded so he left her be and went to approach his coach. Ayanna could not help but to admire him from afar.

He looked especially dazzling in his maroon jersey and he stood out from everyone else—at least in Ayanna’s eyes. For some reason, her eyes kept on following him even as he prepared to play. He did not forget to look to her direction and give her a wink though.

She did not know why. She could not explain why. All she knew was that she felt her face getting all warm and her heart all fussy.

Goodness, what was wrong with her?

This relationship would seriously drive her crazy soon.