I met him when we were kids, unwanted children to grow up in the foster care system, wondering if and when anybody would want us, if ever even. He was my bully, my shadow, my protector. I was the Twerp to his Oscar the Grouch, which seems stupid but it what I was used to when I was that age. I always looked up to him, always knew he was around even when he thought I didn't notice. He was mine as I was his, until I was adopted by a family who wanted nothing more than to give love to a child after losing their own to cancer. Like I said, I was merely a child wanting a chance at being called someone's daughter, even though I just might have somebody else's everything, only leaving him behind to rot. My parents loved me with everything they had to give, and raised me to be the strong, independent, loving life woman I am today. Now, I am about to embark on a new journey, a life after college in the Big Apple. Little do I know that my past would be there, ready with a vengeance, always watching, waiting to strike the prey for the predator to catch when she is least bit aware. However, I am not the same girl he once knew. I don't cower. I don't fear. I honestly welcome the past to haunt me as much as he wants, thinking he is getting back at me for leaving. If he thinks I'll beg for forgiveness, he is sorely mistaken.

Growing up in the system allowed me to solidify myself as a complete loner, not giving a rats ass about anybody else except for myself. I never wanted anything to do with anyone else around me until the moment the air was knocked right out of my lungs when I met her. The moment she looked into my eyes, I knew I was a goner. She would bury herself deep down into my heart and latch on to my soul, and invade my mind while awake and dreaming. Her existence had me breaking all the rules and barriers that I had for myself. I needed her like I needed air to breathe, but, unfortunately, that didn't mean I changed for the better because of her. God, did she try though. She tried to be the love I desperately needed but instead of cherishing it, I allowed her to keep on giving while I selfishly took and never gave back. I've hurt her countless numbers of times. I've watched her light within my dark world fade from all the hurt I bestowed upon her. Do I allow myself to keep drawing her into my dark abyss or do I allow her to live a life of her own? Do first loves last forever or am I just doomed to be a miserable selfish asshole for the rest of my life, especially when my past comes to deal me another curve ball?

I ran. I ran far away from the hell that was my life. I ran to the only family I thought I had left, family that I thought would help keep me safe because they knew what my life was like. Too bad I was sadly mistaken. Yes, the family helped me to solidify my escape but soon abandoned me because I was someone who would taint their image. They shipped me off to finish out my final year of high school, threw money my way, and that was it. I've been truly alone my whole life and it killed a piece of my soul every day. Locking my heart up and surrounding it tighter than Fort Knox was my first step into becoming someone stronger. Exhausting the pain through any means possible was the second step. Learning to live on my own without anyone was going to be tough, but never did I imagine that there were going to be people that would drag themselves through heaven and hell just to get to me, to protect me from the Devil himself. Only catch is, will I tear down my barriers and allow them the one thing that I swore to never give anyone ever again?

I met the double trouble brothers back when I transferred schools in 8th grade after surviving a divorce amongst my parents. One brother, Cole, was all out obnoxious and stubborn with a tendency to wreak havoc, whereas the other, Justin, was the gentle soul. When I first laid my eyes on Justin, it felt like we were destined to be more than just friends. Cole, however, felt like he was destined to be my bestest friend. They were both my everything. We were thick as thieves until the feelings we had between us ruined it all. I wanted Justin, but he chose another, continuously hurting me. Cole, however, was always there to mend the pieces of my broken heart. When Justin finally saw me for who I should be to him, it was already too late. Tragedy struck and we were torn apart only to find each other once again, but now it just isn't the same. Justin is now an angry, cruel boy, who changed into something darker and meaner. Nothing at all like the boy I knew him to be. Cole, on the other hand, has grown into something more. No longer obnoxious or arrogant. He is how his brother used to be. Someone kind and gentle and full of love. Now that I am back, Justin is every bit determined to cause as much pain for me as I did to him. He looks at me like I am filth on the bottom of his shoe. He paints the perfect picture of how I chose to leave him, but that is so far from the truth. Cole makes it his mission to keep me close and protect me from his brothers wrath, promising he'll never let me go, needing me by his side. I am all conflicted. Torn to say the least. Question is, how do I fix the part where I am at war with myself between the love I once had for Justin and the love I could have with Cole, without breaking these two brothers apart in the process?

"Try and make some friends Riley." I hear my parents say as I exit the car after being dropped off in front of the new HS that I was dragged to. I watch as they drive off, knowing damn well that this move will be my ruin. Courtesy of dads new job, we had to up and leave and come to Nowheresville. Yay! (Cue the sarcasm.) Some sh!t is just easier said than done. Am I right? I categorize myself as unsocial, probably unlikeable, surely unapproachable, and just plain don't give a f!ckable. That's how I view myself. I eventually come to realize that I was sorely mistaken. Until, I met HIM. Tommy Mathers. My person. My savior. My inevitable ruin. When life throws us both a curveball he lays it all on the line to me. I either tell him to stay or leave and never come back. I leave. I remove myself from his life and come to regret it. He wanted me. Why couldn't I tell him not to leave? Oh, that's right. Because he was doing something to better his future and I couldn't bring myself to be the obstacle in his life. Jump forward to beginning of sophomore year, sh!t really does hit the fan. He is a totally changed person from the boy who befriended me the year before. New friends. New entourage. Life without me. I begin to mend the broken pieces of my heart, willing to move on, only, that isn't going over to well with him. If he can't have me, NOBODY can.

Have you ever fallen in complete and utter love with someone and think you could actually have a chance at a fairy tale romance? It was what I had always wanted ever since a child. My mother was a complete addict with fairy tale happy endings - young love, and I was soon captivated. Some of my favorite movies are Beauty and the Beast, Pretty in Pink, and Breakfast Club. The sense of ever lasting love was beautiful. As I got older, I came to realize that the movies only show so much about what love actually looks like. Love is the embodiment of pain, heartache, passion, joy and everlasting dedication with a promise of forever. With love comes pain, but it is the feeling you get when it consumes every fiber of your being that you can either fight for the pain for the chance at love or let it slip away. This is my story. The story of the boy who stole from me my heart and wouldn't give it back.