The forbidden alpha queen

A past too painful

DAMIEN’S POV

In the days that followed the conversation had with Victoria, I tried to keep my distance from her. To me, I was only keeping away from her because I didn’t want to embrace these feelings that were emerging. They were all to familiar and all too painful. What made them painful was the fact that they brought up painful memories. I had already lost one and now I was being riven another. I felt like I hadn’t even given myself some time to mourn my loss.

I don’t know why I didn’t expect her to know that she was my mate when she was also a wolf but I was caught off guard when she asked me what I intended to do with the mate bond. I didn’t think she would pay any attention to that because she had already been acting distant from me. She was acting like she couldn’t even stand to me in the same room with me. Even when I touched her, she didn’t seem to be affected by my touch as any wolf would be. It was either she had immense self control or she simply didn’t want me. Maybe if I had been in another situation this would have hurt me, because who wouldn’t want their mate to desire them? However, because of the situation that I was already I wasn’t really bothered by the fact that she recoiled when I touched her.

She hadn’t accepted or rejected me. She had just made it seem like only I could decide what was to happen to this bond, and she would just accept whatever I told her. However, I couldn’t do either of the two right now because I wasn’t rea to confront the feelings I had for her. Even without touching or spend time with her, my feelings continued growing. Breaking the mate bond would require us to spend a lot of time together and I felt like that would be setting myself up for failure. My heart and my wolf would get used to the feelings only for me to snatched the prospect of a mate away again. I couldn’t bear the thought of feeling the same pain that I had felt when I lost my previous mate.

I still had a lot of things that I didn’t understand about her and the kind of she-wolf she was, but I was working on giving up on questioning her. I knew that she wouldn’t give me the answers that I wanted. I was smart and I would have found out more about her one way or the other. I just wanted her to openly tell me where she was from and didn’t wan to waste any of my resources to try to find out more about her. However I realized that I would have bonding out more about her the hard way. I wanted to know more not because I felt there was more to her than she led on.

I decided that the best thing for me to do was to keep to myself and give her the responsibility of taking care of her and watching her to someone else. The best person to do that was William, of course, but then he would have other things to do too.

I buried myself in my work once more because having Victoria here reminded me of what I had lost. It eem8nded me that something special and irreplaceable had been snatched from me in the worst way possible.

The only person I had to blame for this was James. Yes, the same James that was somehow connected to Victoria, the same Victoria who was refusing to tell me what her link to him was. If only she knew why I wanted to know about her past, maybe if she knew she wouldn’t be so selfish in keeping all this information to herself and she would understand why I wanted her to tell me everything

Life was quite a joke, wasn’t it? My previous mate had been killed by James himself, and now I found myself with a new mate who was possibly connected to him too. It was as if James himself had handed me a new mate in an attempt to replace the one who took from me. I could never forgive him for what he had done to me even if he gave me his daughter as the replacement.

How could I accept her and make it work with her after what I had been through because of her kingdom? She was obviously the former king's daughter, and although I was still struggling to understand how they could be related, I still wanted answers.

“you called me,” Will said as he walked into my office. I had mind-linked him and ordered him to come into my office because I wanted him to tell me how things were going with Victoria. To be frank, I was very worried about the other wolves of our little kingdom because I didn’t want them to feel unsafe around her.

“yeah, I wanted to ask you how things are going with her,” I said, and he sighed and smiled.

“You mean Victoria?” he asked me and I nodded. Who else could I be asking him about except for her?

“Yes, I haven’t seen her today and-“ he cut me off before I could finish what I wanted to say

“Maybe you should check on her yourself” he suggested, knowing fully well that that was something that I would never do.

“I am too busy to be checking up on random wolves. It is your job to make sure that everything runs smoothly around here. That is why you are my right-hand man. If I have to do certain things myself, then I have no need for you” I snapped and he sighed as he sat down

“there is no need for you to bite my head off, I was just suggesting this because I felt like toy wold want to see her” he said with a wink

“is the wink supposed to communicate something to me?” I asked him puzzled

“Yeah, I mean don’t you want to check up on her? Don’t you think it’s your responsibility-“

“Please don’t ask me stupid questions, just go and check on her if you didn’t “ I snapped and he sighed once more

“Well she is fine, I wasn’t going to put her in the kitchen with the omegas but-“

“don’t put her there, I would rather have her with the trackers and the guards,” I said, and he was shocked by what I was suggesting. We had been discussing where she would be placed in the pack and I jad come up with the perfect place for her. She didn’t have to be in the kitchen with omegas because she didn’t find there. She would have been useless in there because she clearly wasn’t very domesticated

“You want a female wolf to be a part of the guards?” he asked me, and I nodded

“Did you not hear me when I said that she has a male wolf?” I asked him

“She may be a female but she carries a male wolf in her” I said

“I did, but putting her over there is a bit extreme don’t you think? I mean, no female wolf is built to handle that training” he said

“but she is not a female wolf, and I am very confident that she can handle whatever we throw her way,” I said, and he didn’t seem to agree with me

“she can do the train8nf while in a wolf form. Her human form may bot be strong enough but her wolf sure is” I added

“Are you serious right now, don’t you know that what we do in our wolf form affects us when we turn back? She is you mate and-“

“just stop it Will, stop reminding me that she is my mate. I know she is my mate and I am choosing to take care of her this way. I am giving her a place to stay even though I have no intention of making her my maybe ” I said and he raised his eyebrows

“I think it’s a bad idea. Everyone will wonder why we are putting her there, and they will ask questions,” he said

“Then we will answer them”

“but do you realize that the more answers we give, the more questions will arise? Eventually, they will ask the main question that we have been trying to get answered, which is how she ended up here. Don’t you think that sooner or later, James will hear of her whereabouts, and we will end up getting in trouble with them?” he asked me, and he was right. However, there was no right way to handle this, and until I figured out everything about this woman I was going to keep her at arm's length the main reason why I wanted her to join the guards was not because she had a male wolf but rather because I wanted to test her strength.

The last thing I wanted was to be in a fight with James. I didn’t want any problems with him or the wold kingdom. However I never invited this female wold here, she had landed on mh shore by herself. But then if I used that as my defence they would ask me why I didn’t return her.

“You are right, but there is no other place for except there. She only fits there with them because she is strong. If we don’t place her anywhere they will ask questions again. They will ask why she was getting special treatment “I pointed out.

“You can protect her from those questions by accepting her as your mate” he suggested and I rolled my eyes.

“Protecting her is not my job nor my concern” I aid

“By protecting her you are protecting us. We have to be smart about this Damien. You may not want her bur I will need you to him ahead and not allow yourself to make any impulsive decisions that may impact use negatively” he said and I sighed. He was right again

“You are right, but my decision stands” I said and he frowned.

“are you trying to break her?” he asked me

“If she is subjected to such hard training she may break and tell us the truth. If anyone asks just tell them that she is being punished for something” I aid

“What wrong doing could possibly warrant this punishment?” he asked me and I glared at him “I am asking you because then will ask me, not because they will ne curious but because they will want to know how to not end up on your wrong side.’ He said

“just make something up will, you are smart” I dismissed.

I had never heard of a female having a male wolf, and I wanted to know how that came about. I wanted to know if having that wolf meant that she also had strength. One thing I couldn’t get over was the size of her wolf and how her whole aura changed the moment she turned. There were a lot more layers to her story, and the more I uncovered, the more mysterious she seemed to me and the more I got curious.

I just needed to know more about her not only for the sake of the wolves that trusted me with their safety but also because she was my mate and I was still deciding if I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her or not. After all, she was nothing more than a stranger to me and she hadn’t given me any reason to trust her so far, the only thing she had done was make more certain that I had to be cautious around her.