Break Me

Back To Black And White

Emilia didn't remember how she got home that night. Calling a cab and sobbing in the back seat did register, but she was too embarrassed to try to remember. It had been a week of avoiding Cat- MacRieve's calls. She knew he wanted to talk but she just couldn't do it. Her entire body ached to be close to him, to talk to him. But he had chosen his father and the criminal lifestyle affiliated with him over her.

She had put a lot of hope and little girl fantasy in them being together forever, but now she knew it could never happen. It made her sick to think that she had been so close to a mob family and hadn't even known it.

Emilia had been naive, she hadn't seen the flags or warning signs and now she was reaping the consequences. After a week of sobbing in her room, refusing to speak to anyone she threw herself into school. She studied vigorously and purposely selected the most challenging courses that the school had to offer her. But even that wasn't enough.

She breezed through her classes with minimal effort and found herself stuck with nothing to do but think. And all her thoughts revolved around Carter. She missed him and wanted to talk to him. But she couldn't.

Her father's biggest fear was her dating, if he found out she was dating and he was criminal he'd have a heart attack. Only to revive and tell her in his hospital bed that he was right and she was wrong. She was too much of a child to realize the dangers of the world and needed to be protected. Which she did not want.

So when a month had gone by, a not only had Carter stopped trying but so had his family, she tried to move on with her life. She and Blair hung out after school, she tutored every night to keep busy, but she still cried herself to sleep. Remembering Carter's laugh, his touch, his body...it all bled together in a nightmare that ended with him holding a gun at her. To keep those at bay, she continued to push forward hoping it would end.

Emilia was currently tutoring her least favorite student. Micheal O'Riley wasn't a difficult student, he was smart but he was struggling with Physics so she offered to help him. But he was cocky and sure she'd eventually drop her panties for him. Emilia had kept things strictly professional of course but he didn't let it slip her mind that he was single and interested.

As they went over the formula for the thousandth time, Emilia felt eyes on her. Looking up she locked eyes with the guy she had seen a couple of times lurking around Carter. Excusing herself, Emilia walked to the guy and mumbled, "Aidan right?" Aidan smiled, "Hey Em." Emilia looked him over, like Carter he had a head full of black curly hair and crystal blue eyes, but that was were the resemblance ended.

He was a olive skin tone, with pink lush lips, and a strong jaw. He had a pointy nose and was taller, a couple inches, and built like a bolder. "How is he?" Emilia couldn't stop herself from asking the desperate question, she knew it was ridiculous, she could still have him if she wanted him. But the underlying problem was the reason why she didn't dare answer the phone when he called.

He was a murderer. One of horrible circumstance, but now he was willing to continue to be one. And he had to do was choose her...

"He's okay." Emilia looked at Aidan and he winced when the doed eyed American shook her head at him knowingly, "He's okay in a literal since. He's been going through the paces like a freaking zombie. We're all worried about him."

Emilia swallowed hard, "You mean the mob family?" Aidan sighed, "We're not evil you know. We're not killing people left and right, we're his family. We want him to be happy Em." Emilia nodded, "Then you all should have left him alone. He was fine before you started showing up in his life, we were fine!"

Aidan shook his head, "No he wasn't. Carter was living this bland ass life to appease the voice in his head screaming he was a monster born of another monster. But he isn't. He loved you with his entire being, he still does. And I know you do to, otherwise you would have accepted that yuppie's offer on a date and two minute round of sex."

Emilia blushed scarlett at Aidan's brash way of putting things and looked at him curiously. "Why do you care?" Aidan let out a deep belly laugh, "Because my cousin is walking around like someone has stolen his treasure and it's not that he can't get it back. He feels like he doesn't even deserve to try."

Emilia frowned at Aidan, "You seem to know a lot about how he feels." Aidan shrugged nonchalant at her accusation, "What can I say, he gets chatty when he drinks." Emilia sighed feeling a migraine come on, "Look what you all do, what he's sign on to become, I don't know if I can say I'd be okay with that. Besides, I think some girls from your side have made it perfectly clear I wouldn't be accepted. I wouldn't know how to be what he needs in that life."

Aidan smiled widely, "One, those girls were whores who walk around hoping that one of the club members would make them their old ladies. Two, you would just have to keep being you darling." Emilia and Aidan stared at each for a moment before he quickly said, "But it's up to you what you think is best for you darling." Emilia nodded and he looked over at Micheal and muttered, "He hasn't been with anyone. He's not interested in anyone since you, in case you were wondering."

Emilia blushed scarlett since the thought had crossed her mind. She could honestly admit that not only her heart missed Carter. She couldn't account how many times she'd woken up drenched in sweat after dreaming of a steamy encounter with her ex.

Aidan smiled at her knowingly and good naturedly said, "Well see you around Em." Emilia waved bye to him and went back into the coffee shop with Micheal. He was inquisitive about the guy she had been talking with and wanted to know who he was. Which irked her soul enough to end the tutoring session.

As she was walking back to the campus, Micheal rushed behind her and yelled, "Hey!" Turning Emilia looked at Micheal who admitted, "I'm not the best guy maybe, but whoever has your attention...he has to be worth something. So whatever he did, stupid or otherwise, is it really worth putting yourself through this?"

Emilia didn't know anymore.