Sa Kama ni Bayaw

14

Claire’s

“Ito na ang mga designs na ipinasa online, naprint ko na lahat ‘yan,” si Kate. She placed the printed designs on my table.

I opened an online contest for jewelry designing. This contest aim to open opportunities for aspiring designers to have the chance to work with me. I planned to expand my business and I needed more designers for that.

“Thanks, Kate. Ilagay mo lang d’yan, tataposin ko lang muna itong kailangan kong permahan,” I uttered. Ngumiti ako sa kaniya at itinuloy ang ginagawa ko.

“Claire,” she called me. Nakatayo pa rin siya sa harapan ng lamesa ko. Hindi ko siya Tiningnan at itinuloy lang ang pagperma ko sa mga papeles.

“Yes?” I answered her without looking at her.

“Spill it,” she demanded.

She crossed her arms on the chest and raised her eyebrows at me, waiting for me to spill the beans. Kate is both annoying and helpful. Minsan nakakainis kung paano niya ako madaling basahan, it was like I’m an open book for her to easily read, but most of the time, she an ear that always listens to all my dramas in life.

I glanced at her and heaved a deep sigh. I guess I have to tell her everything. I trusted Kate and she’s the only friend that I can confide in without judging me.

“Something happened,” uttered in pure regret. I regretted what happened last night, it was an eye-opener for me that no matter what, Niu will never be the husband that I needed. Sure, he has not given me any headaches in our two years of marriage, but he will never be the one person I wanted to grow old with.

“Bakit? Anong nangyari?” nag-alalang tanong niya. Her stoic face is now replaced with concern.

Bumuntong hininga ako at binitawan ang ballpen na hawak. Sumandal ako sa likod ng swivel chair para naman kahit papaano ay maibsan ang tension sa katawan ko.

“Niu and I --.” My words are cut off by her loud shriek. Her strict demeanor was gone now. Lumabas din ang totoong kulay ng isang ‘to.

“Oh my, god! Finally!” She jumped and rounded the table then shook me profusely.

“Hey, it’s not what you think it is,” I interrupted her.

“Of course, it is,”

“Hindi ‘yon ang ibig kong sabihin. Something happened but it’s not it,” paliwanag ko sa kaniya.

“May iba pa bang ibig sabihin sa something happened? Claire, sa pagkaka-alam ko, ang something happened is may nagyari sa inyo. Hindi mo naman kailangang mahiya sa akin, it’s normal. Ako nga open na open ako sayo sa mga sexcapades ko,” walang preno niyang sinabi.

Para akong nabilaukan sa mga sinabi niya, ang laswa talaga ng bibig ng isang ‘to. Tumikhim ako at umayos ng upo.

“Walang nagyari sa amin ni Niu, muntik lang.” paglilinaw ko kay Kate. I don’t want her to get the wrong idea.

“What? Bakit muntik lang? Ano bang nagyari? Hindi ba magaling mang-romansa si daddy Niu? ‘Di ka na arouse?” tanong nito na parang nagtatanong ng kung magkano ang kamatis sa palengke.

“I stopped him. Nadala lang naman kasi ako dahil ang dami kong iniisip lately. I mean, Sebastian’s presence is bothering the hell out of me and I thought that would make a good distraction,” nahihirapan kong sambit.

I know I somehow offended Niu when I tried to stop him last night. I was the one who initiated it, and in the heat of making out with him, I suddenly told him to stop. He was already kissing me aggressively and I hate to admit I didn’t feel the tingling sensation I felt with Sebastian.

“So, nabitin si husband dahil kay brother-in-law?”

“Kate!”

“It’s true naman ‘di ba? Hindi natuloy ‘yung chukchakan ninyo sana ni husband kasi naalala mong mas gusto mo pala chukchakin si brother-in-law,” natatawa nitong saad.

Naiinis ko siyang tiningnan at hindi makapaniwalang ganoon ang reaksyon niya.

Kahit na nainis ako ay natawa na rin dahil sa choice of words ni Kate. Kahit papaano ay gumaan ng kaunti ang bigat na naramdaman ko. I guess telling her about it was a good decision. At this point I really need and exit, dahil kung hindi ko ito mailalabas ay baka mabaliw na ako. Ang daming maapektuhan nito kung sakali mang magkamali ako ng kahit kaunti lang.

My parents would surely be disappointed in me, our business deal with the Altamiranos will be compromised, not to mention the shame our family have to endure.

“Parang galit yata si Niu sa akin, umalis siya ng maaga kanina, hindi man lang nagpaalam.” Sabi ko. Nagsisisi talaga ako sa ginawa ko kagabi.

Nakakahiya.

I was too consumed with the pressure. Hindi ko man lang inisip ang magiging reaksyon ni Niu, I was so selfish to think of myself only. Ang tanging nasa isip ko lang ay kung paaano ko mawawaglit sa isip ang umuusbong damdamin ko para sa kapatid niya.

“Nagtatampo lang iyon, ‘wag mo nang alalahanin si Niu, I’m sure naiintindihan niya iyon.” pang-aalo ni Kate. She tapped my shoulders to comfort me. Para akong maiyak sa inis. I’m so stupid.

Sana nga ay hindi magbago si Niu. Our marriage was not consummated. Kung susumahin ay malaki talaga ang pagkukulang ko sa kanya bilang asawa. But he never forced me to those things. He respected me.

“Okay lang ‘yan basta tandan mo na nandito lang ako palagi sa tabi mo, if you need advice don’t hesitate to call me, okay? Magaling akong magbigay ng advice, ‘di mo lang halata. Since nandito rin naman tayo, I’ll give to some na lang. kung sino ang sa tingin mo mas daks, go for it, mas napapaligaya da no’n, promise.” She raised her right hand like she was really swearing.

“Kate nga!”

Natatawa itong lumayo sa table ko at bumalik sa harapan. Tatawa-tawa niya akong tiningna. It felt good having someone to talk to about things like this.

“Maiwan na muna kita d’yan, aasikasuhin ko muna sila sa labas. Basta, ‘wag mo nang masyadong iisipin iyon, nakakapangit ang overthinking, girl.” She made her way to the door and just waved at me before disappearing.

Kate was the only one who knew the deal in my marriage. Alam niyang sa papel lang talaga ang kasal namin ni Niu, and she understands me for having a huge attraction for Sebastian. Kahit kalian ay hindi niya ako hinusgahan.

When I saw Sebastian enjoying the company of a woman, it made me realize that my attraction to him is not just in the shell. It was something deep and it scares me. Sebastian was giving off signals to me as well, as if he knew what I felt for him. Hindi ko alam kung pinapasakay niya lang ako or was he even serious about it?

Alam kong hindi tama, takot ako sa sarili ko na baka hindi ko kayang hindian ang mga advances niya. Sebastian was known to be a player. He was seen in parties and events bringing different women. I don’t want to become a broken-hearted fool who got played with by Sebastian.