Since our mutual living arrangement, I have seen Antonio less and less, almost as if he is avoiding me. I don't know why I care, he has many girls around him. Tall beautiful sunkissed dolls. I know that our relationship is purely s****l, we just take what we need from each other and he would have to have feelings for me to take them from him. It still hurts me even knowing that we will never be more, I want him more the further he seems. Codependency maybe? Or maybe it's just that his presence is a gift to my eyes, either way, I am learning to depend on only myself for happiness. I spend the majority of my time at the club, it helps distract me from the emptiness I feel when I'm alone. I walked out of the house into the entry of the club breathing in the familiar scent of smoke, sweat
