Losing You

2-man-job

Valeria

I think about the awkward encounter and that woman's face the whole ride home. I chalk it up to her not wanting to go home without her husband's favorite jam. If he is anything like Ant was, he needs that jam. I hope my kind gesture makes his day.

I unload my groceries, pour that glass of wine, turn on the music and begin building my board. I finish, and snap pictures to post online to promote my business. I then grab a box I left on the counter last night. This box contains all the love letters Ant wrote me throughout the years. I have kept them all.

My sister's best friend, Ella, was actually going to help me make a book out of them that I was going to gift to him, and we would keep forever, but I was never able to get to it, and he's gone, so that book will never happen now. Even so, I could never throw them out. Even when Delilah told me to do so. She always said it was unhealthy for me to keep and re-read them. I was too stubborn to toss them though. I guess I always thought he would come back. I now know he won't be coming back. Ant was never the man I thought he was. He never loved me like he claimed to in his letters.

I pour another glass of wine and down it immediately. "Happy F*cking anniversary you son of a b1tch. I hope you are living it up wherever you are, while I drown myself," I say. I don't want to feel anything tonight, besides the wine doing its job. I brought the box out last night, since I knew I had an appointment with my therapist today. I told myself I would make the final decision after this session, and I have finally made it.

The more glasses of wine I drink, the clearer the vision gets. The day I screamed into the ocean asking god to lead me is when I should have gotten rid of these love letters, and everything else that belongs to him. I grab the box and head straight to my backyard. I grab the bonfire pit, and start it up.

I sit down and watch the flames. This is my last change to change my mind. Nope. It's officially made up. I open the box, and for a moment, I think about dropping the whole box inside as is, but I decide to give myself this last chance to read them one by one before tossing them into the fire. "Wherever you are, I hope you feel it burn tonight," I tell the fire, hoping that somehow he feels the burn.

Delilah

I get home, and it is freezing here. I put my purse down on the kitchen counter and realize that the back door is open, and the lights are on in the back. I head out there and find my mom, sitting on the patio chair, wrapped in a blanket, asleep.

"Mom," I get closer and see her love box sitting open next to her. I groan, wondering why she does this to herself, but the closer I get, I realize that the box is empty. Oh sh1t, she finally did it. She got rid of those letters that have been holding her back.

Thank f*ck!

She finally came to her senses.

It still breaks my heart to see how much this affects her. I wish she wasn't so damn weak for a man, but I also am trying to understand that they were together for many, many years. Your husband just ghosting you one day is awful. I know, I lost that same man. My daddy. The man I looked up to, but I am over it now. I hope she will be as well.

It took me a while to understand everything. I was like her at first, I didn't want to understand things, but those feelings flew out the window one day when I heard my grandpa's talking about my dad disappearing on us. They couldn't find him, and he wasn't coming back. He did not want to be found. I was the biggest daddy's girl, so it was hard for me, but I got it then. I really did understand. If we didn't mean anything to him, that he could so easily dump us, then he gets the same treatment from me. He is dead to me. I don't even speak his name unless necessary. I know Grandpa Franco hurts a lot with how cold I am about it, but he also understands why. I sometimes wonder if he is lying to me and mom, and he has kept in contact with dad all of these years, but I just never asked. I don't think I could deal with it if I found out he has been lying to us.

"Mom, come on. It's cold out here. Let's get you inside before you get sick," I wake mom up and help her inside. "Hey there Delilah. You are the only person who truly loves and cares for me," she says. My eyes tear up. I hate what he did to her. He completely broke her. I won't say us, because I have to be strong for mom.

I help her get into bed and tuck her in. I quickly clean up and lock the back door and head to my bedroom. I put my phone to charge and take a shower. I get out, put my pjs on and as I am blow-drying my hair, I check the business email. I help my mom run the business. We are usually booked every weekend. At least we are always busy, so there is not much time to be sad.

I grew up with my life being centered around dad's motorcycle club. My uncles, even my grandpa are all a part of it. It was always my life, and it seems that no matter how much I try to separate my life from it, it's impossible. Prospects get sent to help me with deliveries that are too big just for me and mom to do since dad isn't around anymore. Grandpa always sends his men to help with yard work and anything else we need. I know I should be grateful, but I hate the reminder that dad didn't stick around.

I check the schedule and who will be helping me tomorrow and Saturday before I decide to go to sleep.

I wake up and get ready for the busy day. I decide to knock this one out by myself. I won't wake mom up. She will probably have a killer headache, so I turn her alarm off. I leave her a written note telling her not to worry about today. I can handle it on my own.

I head to the clubhouse to pick up the men helping me today. We have a medium cargo trailer we park there. We transport all of our trays and fancy dishes, all the party supplies, tanks and equipment needed to make our client's parties come to life.

I park and my grandpa and uncle come out, followed by the prospect, who I met on Sunday family night, but the other man I have never seen before. He catches my attention. He is tall, like real tall. My grandfather is the monster around here, yet this guy surpasses him in height.

I get off the car and my grandpa heads to me. "Delilah, where is your mom?" he asks me. "It's just me today," I tell him, not wanting to put her and our family's business out there more than it already is. Everyone already talks about us. The looks of pity have gotten old. It sucks that people feel sorry for us. They don't have to. Mom and I have things figured out. We don't need any man to run our house. We are doing just fine.

"Got it. Prospect, she is your boss for the day. Our other prospect got sent to do a job, so it will just be you two," Granpa says. My uncle Lincoln comes over and gives me a hug. He looks exhausted. I know he has a lot going on because of my cousin. No-one can believe what he did to his ex-girlfriend. Strict rules were put into place here because of him.

"Hi," I give him a hug. I look at the very tall man and his eyes are already on me. Up close, I see that he has a scar on his left brow. It does not take away from his good looks, sh1t, I think it enhances them.

"Venom, this is my granddaughter Delilah," Venom. Hmm. "Names Bryant. Nice to meet you?" He extends his hand for me to shake. Wow, they don't usually do this or give out their real names. Even bikers are too afraid of my grandpa to speak to me in front of him.

"Venom is a new transfer who will be joining us. He actually just arrived," he tells me. I shake his hand and pull away quickly. His stare is intense and makes me feel uncomfortable, but not in a bad way. I give him a small smile and nod. I step back. "You ready?" I ask the prospect. "Yes mam," he says. I roll my eyes. I see Venom's lips twitch. I say goodbye and hop in my car and the prospect hops into the trailer, and he follows me to the first destination. Guess today will just be a 2-man job.